July 2017
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kimmi & julius / liking me illogically / fan club / christmas season


We went to church tonight, after skipping last week because of the doughnut (the non-tire on Ben's car right now) and the two weeks before that going to the Saturday night service (our pastor preaches 6 times every weekend, all the same sermon, in order to work with our relatively small building), so Kimmi and Julius hadn't seen us in about a month. They were so excited and happy to see us! I was happy to see them too, but I was surprised at how happy they were -- they said that if we hadn't showed up this week they'd have stormed our flat. ;-) Julius gave me a real hug -- the kind that actually means more than a mere gesture. Few people give those, and usually only when they're really overwrought, like when they're not going to see you again for a long time. It made me feel very loved. Kimmi was her usual happy self, though a tiny bit out of sorts 'cause she hadn't eaten all day. Ben said that Julius was very happy to see him too -- and Julius is a quiet, reserved person most of the time.

People liking me without me having ever done anything for them confuses me -- maybe it's 'cause I've always lived under the impression that I need to earn everything I get, so even something as simple as affection. Ben takes it in stride, but I wonder and wonder -- 'what is it that makes them like me? What is it that they see that I don't?' And at the same time, I wish I had kinda a 'fan club' -- people that respect and admire me just because I'm me -- like how I feel about Angelina Jolie. I hope that doesn't sound conceited... even when I was a little kid, all my pretending (when I was alone) was of me talking to an audience about whatever came into my head. I obviously have a love for the spotlight, though ironically I stammered through all the speeches I had to give to the class in high school. I was a little better in college, but I still blushed violently the entire time (I could feel my cheeks burning).

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Oh how I LOVE the Christmas season! Seeing wrapping paper makes me happy, seeing lights on houses makes me happier, but not having to deal with snow is the very best part. I'm not fond of the rain either, but there's no slush to soak and freeze your feet, no icky greyish lumps of glop along the highways here in Georgia. I love the south. If I can help it, I'm never moving anywhere north of Georgia, EVER.

And I love buying presents. If I had a thousand dollars to spare right now, I'd spend half of it on gifts. (and the other half on me, selfish girl!)
feelings: optimistic
sounds: Christina Aguilera: "Get Mine, Get Yours"


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theanonymousx ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.