July 2017
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dizziness / gabe got his license / Kaylene -- open yet not
I'm dizzy to stand, sit, or even lay with my head propped up. My head feels like it's spinning and it has no right to -- I gave my body food and water and sleep, plenty for once 'cause this dizziness thing scared me so much I didn't go to my government class this morning; shocking 'cause I enjoy that class, plus the lectures are essential since I don't study and ALSO we got our exams back today, and I want to know what my grade was. But I don't, cause of this dizziness. I'm actually weaving back and forth to stay upright at this keyboard. WHY am I so dizzy????? At least Sarah was nice and understanding and said I could come in at 6:00 and see how far I make it, which gives it some time to go away I think. It seems to be getting worse the longer I sit up though. So fucking what.

      Gabe got his license. *muted hallelujah* He doesn't stay focused very easily, and when he's distracted his driving suffers, so keep the prayers goin'. I was furious yesterday 'cause he didn't tell me that his dad was planning on dropping off his paper, so I did it before work, making me late. He was sorry and wrote a long letter expressing his penitance. I love my little brother. He can be annoying but he can be such a darling too.

      Kaylene. Well. I don't know what to think there. She keeps telling me she'll call me and then not doing it, and I can't get ahold of her either, so I am worried. I'm worried that either something has happened to her grandpa, who just got put in a nursing home, or that she's decided this is too much for her and she's just plain avoiding me.
      ..........and I am hurting 'cause my heart is so open to her but hers is closed to me. You can be totally open mentally and be totally closed emotionally, and that's how she is, though she doesn't know it. She doesn't know how to trust (yet) and that's not her fault but it still hurts. But God told me not to give up on her, so I'm not going to. Whether it's painful or not.
feelings: dizzy
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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.