July 2017
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mlurg / kitten / mom's in the hospital... stuff
I feel so awful today and I don't know why... work dragged out forever (five hours) and then when I got home I just felt so dull, and Ben was on the computer for most of the evening, so I just read.

I did get to go see the kittens -- and the black kitten is mine. I brought a string with me and dragged it on the floor, and she chased it enthusiastically... and I flipped her on her back to scrunchl her tummy, and she playfought a little bit and then stopped and licked my finger -- so adorable! I wanted so badly to take her home right then, but we don't have the litterbox yet or the money to buy any of that stuff until next week. One time I held her and looked at her little face, and she just lay there calmly and stared at my face for a minute -- that's when I decided she's my kitten. Then she scrambled off to play. Now I just have to find/make the perfect name for her... I'll probably wait until I've had her a few days to decide, so that I can get a feel for her personality.

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Oh, and my mom is in the hospital for chest pains, but I don't feel like it's serious -- though it is a serious warning to her to stop overworking herself. Oddly enough, I've been telling my dad to take up his responsibility as a husband and make her stop -- when all my life I've railed against him for being too controlling. It figures that when he NEEDS to be 'bossy,' he won't. And she won't listen to me either -- but I thought of a nasty little manipulation that will probably work. I will tell her that I will definitely visit them if she agrees to quit all activities except amybe one of her part-time jobs (right now she has two jobs, an internship, she's studying for her masters and raising Bethany alone 5 days out of 7 -- and she has lupus!) for a full year; and if she won't do that then I definitely won't visit them this year.

It'll definitely work, I'm just not sure if I'm okay with being that manipulative.... and I'm not sure I want to have to be the rescuer again.
feelings: dull yet restless
sounds: nothing at all
connecting:


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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.