February 2018
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Ben's and my three-year (spiritual) anniversary is tonight


...so I think it's perfect that we had fantastic sex.

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Ben and I only got physically married a little over thirteen months ago, but we were spiritually married long before that. About 19 days after we 'got together' we were discussing what the purpose of our relationship was, and he told me that he felt sure we'd end up married. I was surprised, because I wasn't sure at all about my own feelings, and we moved to another subject. I forget what it was he said, but suddenly I realized that he was the fulfillment to a prophesy given me several years before; my husband-to-be would be kept only for me, as if on an island, and he would understand me completely (I can only remember the gist of the prophesy now). People who knew Ben back then knew that there could be no more perfect description of him than a 'man on an island.' He was the most closed-off person ever -- of course, that changed when he fell in love with me. ;-) Anyway, upon that realization, I blurted out, "You're the one!" and then explained it to Ben, and we were both so excited and we exchanged our vows right then. Impatient us.

This may seem like an insignificant matter to you, but in my mind from then on we were married, just not living together. Which meant that in my mind I was allowed to have sex with Ben -- and oh, you cannot believe the torture of being one in spirit for NEARLY TWO YEARS and not being one in body all that time. Had it been up to me, we wouldn't have waited for a legal marriage -- but Ben felt that marriage had to do with people knowing, the whole ceremony thing... and he managed to fend me off. This man has some determination, I tell you! I'm writhing on his lap literally begging for it, and he says no, not yet. And that happened many times!

Most married couples are not nearly as one in spirit as Ben and I were before we made it legal... there are no words to describe the inner fight it was. To make it worse, we were both complete and total virgins, neither had ever dated or so much as held hands with anyone else...

Yet those two years were a fantastic journey into the worlds of each other and ourselves, and I believe it was part of God's plan -- because we learned each other's spirits and souls without being so distracted by body. I think God wanted us to wait for sex partially because as soon as we started having sex my destructive past started coming up, and we needed to have had those two years of bonding before we had to struggle through this year... so even though I wonder if I missed out on something, I wouldn't change anything if I had the option.

--------

I wish I could talk about Ben and his wonderfulness more, but there are 2 reasons why I refrain:
1. He's a private person. Poor guy, married to the most un-private person that either of us have met! This means that anything that REALLY speaks about who he is is considered too personal to share with the world via LJ. And I hate friends-locking posts.
2. It makes other girls depressed. Quite understandable, really -- I got such a phenominally rare man that he can admit he is wrong and work on changing and he is willing to share his heart openly with me and he's incredibly loving and endlessly compassionate and forgiving... not to mention he's the most gorgeous, sensual man ever to walk the face of this earth. Nobody else has what I have, and talking about my PROBLEMS with him makes other women envious because their husband/boyfriend isn't as humble/generous/forgiving/etc. as Ben is.

feelings: satisfied
sounds: the Benjamin Gate: "Rush"

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Comments
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misemifein2 ══╣╠══
Happy anniversary, I'm happy for you. Too young to be jealous of you yet too :)
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
thank you
acid_burns ══╣╠══
Happy Anniversary! :)
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
thanks!
secksiewolfie ══╣╠══
2. It makes other girls depressed. Quite understandable, really ...

*eye roll*
belenen ══╣fantasy╠══
no, seriously, I've had my friends tell me that! Maybe 'depressed' isn't the right word -- 'somewhat lonely' would probably be better.
secksiewolfie ══╣╠══
mabels ══╣╠══
Im very happy you have such a happy marriage and relationship. I love hearing about happy couples.

As for the jealously, lol, I also dont write too much about the sweet things James does, or how wonderful being with him is, becasue I dont want to flaunt what I have when so many people dont have the same.

Granted, James and I do have arguements and spats, but weve always been able to move and work through them. Sometimes i find myself writing about the bad things when they come up (like new years eve), but I leave out all the good things inbetween (like the other night he went out to get me a midnight snack and he brought back a new icecream he though I would love...and I did).

So sometimes people get the impression things are not going well for us becasue I leave out the good things...yet i dont want to be too sappy about our love or about him and how happy he makes me.

With any of our problems we get over them by the next day anyways...and we both work on changeing the way we argue, or the things we are argueing over.

Anyways...what was my point?
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
yay for you! Your husband does seem quite thoughtful.
mabels ══╣╠══
wait_to_forget ══╣╠══
Happy anniversary! ♥
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
thankie!
thesaj ══╣theSaj╠══
Greetings
I know darkpool posted a photo for you...but I thought you might like this one of her too....

:)

I do for sure...

CLICK HERE
belenen ══╣giggling╠══
Re: Greetings
yes I do like that photo, thanks for sharing!

She has such a unique, mysterious beauty, don't you think? And my earrings look awesome on her. ;-)
thesaj ══╣╠══
Re: Greetings
duchesse20 ══╣╠══
Happy Anniversary! ;)
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
thank you!
aubkabob ══╣╠══
it doesn't make me depressed, reading everything, if anything, fills me with hope :)

course, that may be different, had i been married to a jerk faced scum buzzler, but seeing as i'm single..
aubkabob ══╣╠══
ooh, and i had also meant to post how happy i was to see that you turned that painting into an icon :D
belenen ══╣╠══
shespoke ══╣╠══
my boyfriend and i -know- that we're going to end up married. we're going to wait until it's a little better for both of our families. it's hard to explain how you know within a few weeks that you want to spend the rest of your life with this person. anyway, congratulations! i didn't realize that you are married, but that's wonderful and it sounds like you are truly happy.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
it's hard to explain how you know within a few weeks that you want to spend the rest of your life with this person

Exactly! Ben and I were 'engaged'/married after 19 days, but we waited four months before we told our families.
ohmysterious ══╣╠══
that sounds wonderfull. i'm happy for you! i feel the same way with my boyfriend. you know the feeling that you could never even picture what your life would be like without eachother? conragulations, 3 years is definetly something to celebrate.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
thank you! I definitely couldn't picture life without my Ben, and don't even want to try to picture it.
amazedcreation ══╣╠══
Ha, ok, the post was beautiful, but I laughed when you said reason 2 you don't share about this... girls get jealous. I thought to myself, I'm never jealous of these posts, I find them inspiring, until you went on about how amazing Ben is. that he can admit he is wrong and work on changing and he is willing to share his heart openly with me and he's incredibly loving and endlessly compassionate and forgiving... not to mention he's the most gorgeous, sensual man ever to walk the face of this earth I love that your love is like that. I'm so glad you shared with us, and I'm so glad God has blessed you so much. I'm still not jealous, but it was funny.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
hee hee -- I suppose with my single friends I can be less careful -- but with married ones, I don't say too much because then they start feeling less-than-satisfied with their man.

I'm glad you enjoyed reading this. ;-)
amazedcreation ══╣╠══
eternitywaiting ══╣╠══
Ah, to hell with anyone it depresses. It made me *so happy* because you reminded me of me! 1) It's so nice to meet someone who I could tell *my* husband story to who wouldn't just roll their eyes and go "yeah, okay" and 2) It made me all nostalgic for my early days with Robert. Ah, now I'm feeling post-y....
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
1) It's so nice to meet someone who I could tell *my* husband story to who wouldn't just roll their eyes and go "yeah, okay"

Will comment at your post. ;-)
ebony3136 ══╣╠══
The way you described him sounds like one in a million I consider you very lucky.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
I am, oh, I am.
tinystages ══╣╠══
congrats. :) i am very happy for you. i hope that when i get married, i am as happy as you are. :) and that is soo awesome that you guys waited until you were married.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
thank you. I hope you're as happy as I am too. ;-)
ex_alariya46 ══╣╠══
You're so adorably secure in your love for Ben. Your happiness makes me happy.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
yay!
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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.