July 2017
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go shawty, it's your birthday / babygirl Risa! and the Wynnes / mmmm


(mental_coercion made this
for me from an artwork by Meilin Wong)

I'm 22! One of my favorite numbers times my very favorite! (which makes this a favored number, of course) This year will be teh fuckin' awesomest.

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.usSo YAY! I opened eternitywaiting's present, which was all wrapped in lovely purple and lavendar tissue, and here it is (it's hanging on my wall above my beading table, against a cloth that is hanging from the ceiling) -------->
Nik (hurry up and rename yourself before I get used to that name!), you are wonderfully talented and so thoughtful! I'm amazingly blessed and touched by all the effort you went to for me. Effort and Bel-ness are the most important aspects of a present, and you nailed 'em both!

and I'm still going to be watching the mail impatiently and happily for misemifein2's present. I'm so freakin' lucky.

Ben and I are ridiculously broke right now, so we're waiting to celebrate on Friday -- it'll be after payday and it's my next day off.

So did anybody rent "Playing By Heart"??? (It's not too late! I'm not officially celebrating until Friday!)

I got some 'happy birthday' wishes from the oddest sources! Walmart had a little "happy birthday" note on the screen when I clocked in, and even weirder, our property managers left a card on the door saying happy birthday. It's not like we ever talk to them or anything -- but it was certainly a nice gesture. And then I had to tell elya (Ben's twin, my friend and in-law) that it was my birthday 'cause she forgot! (she had given me a lovely present early though, telling me that she just knew she'd forget the actual day) Then she told other people, and Lanie gave me a hug, which I considered a present. Physical touch really means a lot to me, and Lanie (one of the CSMs (the people who tell me what to do)) is such a darling. It makes me happy whenever I see her because she's so cheerful and alive.

-----

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.usOh yeah! And last night Ben and I went to the Saturday 5pm service at church, and saw Paula and Spencer. They gave me the presents that they had gotten me for Christmas (we really don't see them very often, sadly); a photo of Risa in a purple beaded frame, and these (the purple for me, the blue for Ben) (read the writing, it's hilarious!):
(hee hee!) Paula learned so much about me over those months I spent with her -- last year she got me a navy blue (with GOLD trim!) windbreaker and pants! I hate navy blue, gold, and the icky staticy feeling of those pants -- they went straight to donation. This year, purple + coffee = awesomegiftsquared. Kisses for Paula, and note to self: pray that she'll learn to trust. Even if it never benefits me, she deserves/needs that ability.

I went with Spencer to get Risa from the nursery after church, and babygirl recognised my voice! Spencer took her from the lady and she turned and reached for me! It could just be coincidence, but I don't think so. She heard my voice practically as much as Paula and Spencer's voices during her last three months in the womb. So I held my little sister for the second time (the first time that didn't include jealous stares), and we are so spiritkin, I know so much about her without knowing her mind at all. I think we must have known each other in heaven, and I bet we were close friends there. I don't want to miss out on her toddlerhood though, and I'm so afraid that I will.

Spencer was planning on bringing my W2s (JoAnns had my address from when I lived with them) but he forgot them, so I asked what they were doing tomorrow (thinking of picking them up) and he said they were having a superbowl party -- and I don't remember the exact phraseology, but Ben got the impression that we were invited and I got the opposite impression. Anyway I had to work until seven... and we didn't have the money for the gas to drive all the way over there and back, so even though I really wanted to go after work, we decided not to. I'm sad about it now, because I hate missing out on time with them, and I'm afraid they'll feel snubbed and not invite us next time, and I REALLY hate missing out on being at their house in a festive atmosphere. They throw the best parties, and not just because of the food and big screen tv, either -- there's just a feeling of lightheartedness that I've never felt elsewhere. And I never feel as at home as I do at their house. And I just really really miss them.

Spencer thought my birthday was in March, which makes me wonder if he was planning on sending me a card or something. Just the idea makes me teary. And I think the purple frame was his idea -- he seems to love the idea that I love Risa. He always wants me to hold her, it seems, and I know the photo at least was his idea. Maybe he senses babygirl's and my spirit-kinship, maybe it's his way of being grateful for helping Paula through the pregancy.... and maybe it's because he knew that I desperately wanted him to want Risa. Or it could possibly be that he in a sense feels like I 'gave' Risa to them, because I told Paula (a year before she got pregnant) that she was going to have a baby girl before too long. (they had her after they had given up and begun to plan a hysterectomy for Paula) Whatever it is, I like it, because it keeps me from feeling replaced -- oh yeah, that's probably the whole reason he does it, the analytical man that he is.

--------

Belenen: 2
Ben: 1
Very, very, very good game. (of course, I'm always happy when I come out on top. I must win.)
feelings: satisfied
sounds: the Cranberries: "Wake Up and Smell the Coffee"
connecting:


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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.