July 2017
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Hya and Kanika / photos of Kanika / the ring my dad got me


If you haven't yet, please respond to my necklace design poll.

In other news, Kanika has finally figured out how to jump to the shelf where Hyacinthe (my betta)'s vase is. So far she's knocked off several of my candles and broken two of the glass jars they were in. Hya's gotten very fierce (jumping at me every time I feed him), but Kanika is more interested in pushing all the little glass half-marbles onto the floor to play with. And she's not quite tall enough to reach in the vase yet; but judging from Hya's reaction, I have no fear that he can take care of himself (it's a pretty deep vase, anyway, she'd have to jump in to get him if he swam to the bottom).

And I have pictures! Not the best, because I didn't have very good lighting and I neeeeeeeed a tripod (can't hold the darn thing still for the life of me!) -- but look how adorable she is! I got her in a sweet mood and put her on a chair that I draped with a red chenille throw, and she was my little model. ;-)

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(I know the last one is really blurry, but she's making such a cute sillyface!)

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Also, my dad got me something for Christmas/birthday that I actually like (for the first time since I was 8)... this ring. I've been wearing it every day since; I looooooove the color of the amethyst! It looks fake 'cause it's so vivid, but it's real. The first photo is clearer, but the second is more true to color (sadly. If it was more blue it'd be vivid violet). (the ripply reflection is 'cause of my fingerprints)

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Why did he get it for me? I don't think this shows that he's learned anything about me -- amethyst is my birthstone, and all my friends (and plenty of random people) know that I hate gold and love silver (though I forgive that in this ring). He got my mom and sibs jewelry too this year. I feel ungrateful... but I hate telling people it's from my dad, 'cause then they will most likely assume that I have a good relationship with him, or worse, that I'm some spoiled teenager (because everyone thinks I'm at least three years younger than I am) whose parents get her whatever she wants.

And I just plain don't like it that my dad wants a relationship with me. I don't want one with him, because I know him very well, and I know that he does not want me to be who I am and will not accept me for who I am. He knows next to nothing about me and refuses to learn because it would hurt his pride to admit that he has never sought my heart.

Why do I wear it? I think, honestly, I like it that my dad went out of his way for me (even though it was only in a financial sense). That matters to me. Even though consciously I almost resent the ring, resent what it represents to me.
feelings: reflective
sounds: Massive Attack: "Black Milk"
connecting: , ,


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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.