September 2017
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I wish I could decide....


I vacillate between wanting to learn to love my belly and wanting to get rid of it. And every time I get it toned where I like it, someone insults it and then I lose motivation and it goes loose again. Dammit. Then it takes a great building of my ego to get me to work it again.

I honestly do like a slightly rounded belly... but. I can be so "damn I'm sexy" and then I see someone else's belly, so tight you can't fucking tell where the bellybutton is, and BOOM, I think my belly is ugly. And I don't want to. I want to like my own form, 'cause I am not meant to be thin! I'm meant to be luscious. I'd hate to lose my curviness. And in case you don't know, I'm right where my height and age say I should be, weightwise. So it's not at all a health issue with me. Just an image issue. I can't decide whether I think a rounded belly or a flat one is sexier.

And for the past few days, I've been bloated with pms, and when I relax my belly I look pregnant, at least to me. Now THAT has been stressing me and depressing me. I almost cried about it. I think it may just be pms, though. I'll suspend my worry until my period passes.

Today was the first day in months that Ben didn't take care of me on the first day of my period. He usually comes over and massages my belly (he has SUCH a magical touch) but not today. I had to work from 3-11 pm, and didn't even get to talk to him. Phooey.
feelings: depressed
sounds: Portishead: "Sour Times" (Kaylene's CD)
connecting:


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jedibubbles ══╣╠══
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.