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talk with Michael


Session Start (AIM - Belenenl:Michael): Fri Nov 21 02:38:11 2003
Michael: hey you know im coming right
*** Auto-response sent to Michael: I'm getting married on December 13th, then um... honeymooning... for five nights and coming back in time to go to the midnight showing of The Return of The King, (in costume)!!!!!!!! I'm gonna be soo freaking gigglley.... (there is no proper way to spell gigglly, okay?!?) And then, guess what I'm doing afterwards? Just kidding, don't guess. Duh.
Michael: i dont have the invitation with me
Michael: so i couldn't call and RSVP
Michael: i do plan on going
Belenen: awesomeness!!!!!!!
Michael: cool your there
Belenen: yep
Belenen: so how are ya?
Belenen: You're not on drugs are you?
Michael: its amazing how much i havn't changed since highschool
Michael: why do you ask that
Belenen: I had a dream that you were
Michael: hmm
Michael: curious
Belenen: ?
Belenen: soooooooo?
Michael: its so odd to know the people who are thinking of you that you wouldn't think are thinking of you
Michael: sooo what
Belenen: LOL
Michael: to many conversations at one time with one person
Michael: lets fuckus here
Belenen: well you hedged the question
Belenen: *rolls eyes*
Michael: you want to know if im on drugs
Michael: ?
Belenen: nod
Belenen: or something that could metaphorically be the same thing....
Michael: well in the words of Huey Lewis -- "I want a new drug"
Belenen: hedging again.
Michael: no that actually answered the question
Michael: im not on drugs of any kind
Belenen: cool.
Michael: nothing destructive accept the pain in my heart but i can't do anything about that now can i
Belenen: not really
Belenen: I'm sorry you're hurting. I think that's why I keep dreaming about you lately
Michael: you never asked me what i ment by the highschool thing
Belenen: what did you mean?
Belenen: I'm all eyes
Michael: do you remember my poem about friends and lovers
Belenen: yeah, vaguely
Michael: the line i remember part of is - all these faces walk beside me that shouldn't suduce me
Michael: something like that
Michael: its happening again
Belenen: oh?
Belenen: what's her name?
Michael: no who
Michael: too many and i dont want them
Michael: i feel unfaithful
Belenen: ah
Michael: but its like the flea needs blood and i can't stand it
Michael: plus there is one girl who i am very attracted to and was attracted to while Van and i were still dating but then it was only infatuation and i ignored it
Belenen: nod
Belenen: 22 more days!
Belenen: sorry, I'm excited, can't help it.
Michael: im glad for you
Michael: and i hope you enjoy all your life
Michael: im sure you will hes a great guy
Belenen: ;-)
Belenen: Thank you
Belenen: I see, she's a close friend?
Michael: yeah shes close but its kinda like any girl that i knew in highschool
Belenen: so you still want to be with Van, but you can't, and you miss the intimacy..
Michael: that and more
Belenen: nod
Belenen: intimacy has many nuances, my friend
Michael: like with this girl i have liked her for a while
Belenen: nod
Michael: thats all i ever am
Belenen: not true
Michael: true
Belenen: not true
Michael: Van still makes me twitch when i see her
Michael: True
Belenen: NOT!
Michael: is it not history
Michael: does it matter about the past -- for if i was ever anything but a friend to friends it would have been known so i still say true and thats the past
Michael: no use learning about my possibilties now
Michael: so you go in silence - for what reason
Belenen: did I ever tell you that right before the Christmas that Ben and I got together, I wanted to persue a romantic relationship with you? Not sure if it matters, but it goes to show that what you see is not always what is there.
Belenen: God had other plans though, 'cause I lost your number
Michael: no other plans
Michael: these faces shouldn't suduce me
Michael: its always been that way
Michael: im attracted to the girl that i know i shouldnt be
Michael: all my friends
Michael: and it only happens when im not in a relationship
Michael: cause when im in one i am totally faithful
Belenen: I know
Belenen: well, what is stopping you from asking?
Michael: the same reason you and i never got together
Belenen: fear of it changing the relationship for the worse?
Belenen: what reason?
Michael: we both know we were wrong for each other no matter how much we liked to think we were compatable
Michael: its extreamly hard for me to find a woman
Belenen: hm. Well, what was stopping me was that I wanted to wait to have sex until I was married, and I didn't trust myself with you; it wasn't about compatability
Michael: and i still love Van way to much to ever start to like another girl in a serious way
Belenen: I see
Michael: yeah i guess i am the sexiest thing in the world
Michael: kinda like tom cruise and jonny deep rolled into one being
Belenen: dude, I'm trying to be honest
Michael: i know and i appreciate it but i just dont think of me that way
Michael: sure im frisky but i respect women excpecially virgins
Michael: im not having sex again until im married
Michael: not that i had sex with Van
Michael: well your right a part of me back then really did want to be with you
Michael: to me we seemed like two wild spirits
Belenen: Okay, I think you would have given in to my pressure. I'm amazed Ben hasn't. Grateful, too. but that's unimportant. The point is, if you weren't so in love with Van, I'd think you should take a chance and try the friend
Michael: no
Belenen: why?
Michael: to say that i wasn't in love would be like saying my arm is cut of when clearly its typing to you
Belenen: (and thank you, I consider that a high compliment)
Michael: and if i was to look at anyone now they would only be a shell that could never fill her void and status
Belenen: I meant, before you said you were still too in love with her to be with someone else, I thought you should take the chance.
Michael: that would be unfair to all parties invovlved
Belenen: as of right now, yes
Michael: what a high complement?
Belenen: that you think/thought I am/was a wild spirit
Michael: you have no idea how i thought of you and did still when i last saw you
Michael: sai la vi
Belenen: what do you mean?
Michael: thats life gotta go with it dont try to shake it up
Belenen: oh.
Michael: well who knows what the future will hold
Michael: i could grow old and die a loner
Belenen: that won't happen.
Michael: i dont know
Michael: i think the chinese place mat was right
Belenen: Your love is stronger than that.
Michael: i am prone to marital strife
Belenen: it will regenerate
Michael: doesn't matter about my love
Belenen: okay
Belenen: whatever
Michael: as you know its there
Michael: it takes two to tango though
Belenen: *coughmichaelsindenialcough*
Michael: about what
Belenen: about how you will love again
Michael: you dont think i know that i could get over Van and move on
Michael: i know i could
Michael: i dont want to think about it
Michael: i feel horrible that i could ever do that
Belenen: oaky, it sounded to me like you were saying the opposite.
Belenen: I know
Michael: no i know the true i just hate myself cause i know thats its only a matter of time
Michael: and much of its is physical
Michael: im so weak
Belenen: it feels like a betrayal, like that's saying that the love wasn't authentic
Michael: i can't ever control my own physical drives
Belenen: duh. Men can't, unless they put them in God's control.
Belenen: That's the way you were designed
Michael: i still want a new drug
Belenen: NOW I understand that reference.
Michael: im glad
Belenen: heh
Michael: why can't i be like every other guy and shit on women with my power over them instead of me caring too much about their feelings
Michael: thats the power of love
Belenen: because you're not an asshole
Michael: as i said thats the power of love
Michael: but i do wish i could be an asshole
Michael: use my powers for evil not good
Michael: but my only happyness still comes from takin care of others
Michael: well the only happyness that i've had without Van
Belenen: nod
Michael: and i almost talked to this girl tonight but we are wrong for each other
Belenen: why?
Belenen: or rather, how?
Michael: kinda same reasons me and you from my end not yours
Michael: and from her end she just couldn't think aobut me that way
Michael: im just a good friend and i shouldn't complicate things
Michael: but she doesn't understand thats why i pick at her so much
Belenen: how do you know she couldn't?
Michael: im frustrated with her
Belenen: ??
Michael: shes captivated me when i shouldn't be and i dont think i could have her
Michael: we dont see eye to eye on a major issue of her life
Belenen: what is that???
Michael: religion
Belenen: okay..... she has one?
Michael: yeah and is very devout
Belenen: devout what?
Michael: we always talk about it
Belenen: ahhh
Michael: christian
Belenen: heh
Michael: our differances
Belenen: nod
Belenen: I like her already
Michael: its just no good for me her or me
Michael: hahahah
Michael: but i need sleep
Michael: and i dont want to think about this right now
Belenen: yeah, I'm workin' from 9:30 to 6 tomorrow
Belenen: blech
Michael: its petty in comparison to what Van is going through and i still feel i need to be with her
Michael: night girl
Belenen: g'night, love ya
Michael: love ya too
Belenen: byeness
*** You have been disconnected. Fri Nov 21 03:23:41 2003.


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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.