October 2017
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hair identity....


For the past few months I've been feeling the temptation to shave my head (yes, even before you shaved yours, evileve) or chop my hair short. Not a very strong pull, but a very insistent one.

Since I started working at Wal-Mart, I've had an amazing amount of comments on my hair. Every day I work I get at least one person saying something about it. And ever since 11th grade I've been "the girl with the long hair" -- now I'm more like "the girl with the really really long hair." And why? I never actually decided to grow out my hair, I just didn't cut it and it grew on it's own. I don't like that. I don't want part of my identity to be wrapped up in something that I didn't even decide on. I never decided that long hair was me. Right now, I don't know if it is or not!

Another part of it is watching/ listening to my Alarya (alariya) explain how her hair has always been a large part of her identity, in length and color. When she felt desolation, she cut it short and dyed it black; when she felt revived, she cut it shorter and stripped it red. Her natural color is blonde, but she doesn't feel like that suits her. Also, my lj-friend Eve shaved her head, and she explained to me that it was cleansing, that it helped her to leave behind the dead parts of her life. Those things made me consider more -- why is my hair long? Why really?

Partly because I like to be different, partly because I like attention, partly because I like to look like a dryad when naked. And only that last reason is a decent one for making long hair a part of my identity. Yet when I wear my hair in a high ponytail, braided, I do feel very me. I like the weaponish look of my hair then (and the Lara Croft look, heh heh). But that's bad for my hair, so I don't do it that often. I also love how rich it feels -- it's like heavy silk, and I literally feel like I'm holding something priceless when I hold my hair. But maybe that's my 'collecting' urge kicking in. (Where the hell did I get that anyway? I always want to get things and lock them up and keep them, and get more and more. I'm amazed that I actually use my beads -- a few years ago I would have only used the ugly ones and saved all the best ones 'for later.')

If my hair was straight, I'd cut it about three inches long and dye it an unnatural color (probably purple) and gel it punkish. But my hair is very curly, and if I did that I'd look way too cutesy. I think purple streaks would go a long way towards making my hair feel 'right.' And then if they messed up my hair I'd have an excuse to chop it. I don't know though.

feelings: contemplative
sounds: Muse: "Butterflies & Hurricanes"

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Comments
paperwings21 ══╣╠══
I can't even tell you how many times I have gotten the urge to shave my head. I'll probably end up doing it eventually. Better still, I could donate the hair to charity.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
I don't think I'll donate my hair -- I just hate the idea for some reason. I think I'd feel like I was devaluing it. I might sell it though, if it goes for a good price -- otherwise I'd just braid it and save the braid.
paperwings21 ══╣╠══
eternitywaiting ══╣╠══
I don't want part of my identity to be wrapped up in something that I didn't even decide on.

That is exactly why I cut my hair. It was all anyone ever complimented me on, it was all anyone ever saw, and it just wasn't me.

Mine wasn't as long as yours, but it came to just above my butt. It's dirty blond underneath all this dye somewhere. :-) I cut it all off at once so I could donate it to Locks of Love, 'cause that's a great feeling. I started dying it right after it was cut. I've done all the "normal" colors, plus all the "rainbow" ones. It's the most expressive, wonderful thing in the world. This will probably sound stupid, but I honestly found that taking charge of my hair was very empowering. Looking exactly how I want to look, regardless of whether I get started at or commented on, makes me feel free and beautiful. :-)
mabels ══╣╠══
thesaj ══╣╠══
eternitywaiting ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣╠══
eternitywaiting ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣╠══
mabels ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣giggling╠══
hee hee... you want curly hair because you don't know what an infernal hassle it can be. Long hair is high maintenance but curly is worse.

Yet honestly -- I like the fact that my hair is curly. I'd feel too caucasian if it was straight, I think.
thesaj ══╣╠══
Well....

I think I could see you looking pretty cool if you just shaved one side of your head and left the other side to have very long dangling hair...

just a thought...

"Saj puts in his wish list..."

*LOL*
belenen ══╣giggling╠══
hah! Awesome idea! Don't think I could handle it though -- all the length hassle without the dryad-look factor.
thesaj ══╣╠══
darkpool ══╣╠══
My hair is fairly long but people rarely comment on it, although I almost always have it pulled back so you can't really see it anyway. I've had it long since I was about ten and several times I've thought of cutting it all off, and if I did I think I would definetly dye it some radical color. Never have yet though. I ought to since my hair only took three years to grow out this long anyway. I did want it to grow out though.
belenen ══╣curious╠══
So how long exactly is it? To your waist?
darkpool ══╣╠══
ravensfeather ══╣╠══
Wow, that's so crazy. I've been wanting to shave my head ... I almost had the guts to do it, too, about... oh, 2 weeks ago. Had gotten out of the shower and just stared at my head, wondering ... And nearly did it.
But what's strange is that I've never been happier with my hair than the way it is now. I think I'm psycho for wanting to get rid of something I'm tremendously happy with.

But if I end up shaving it anyway... I think I'm going to not shave my bangs. These bangs look darned good on me.
And if they don't look as good with a shaved head, well I can just finish it off and shave them too.

But I've been trying to grow it out... maybe I'm just impatient and am like "Screw it! I'll just chop it all off!" Cause my hair isn't that long to begin with - just about to my chin.

Thinking about shaving my eyebrows, too. Drawing them on. Any way I want.

~Krystallis
belenen ══╣ethereal╠══
I am seriously considering shaving my head after I'm healed... to symbolize newness, leaving everything old behind. I think there's a very spiritual aspect to it.
valynn ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣curious╠══
What made you decide to cut it so short? Just bored?
depphead ══╣╠══
Hmm, that's really interesting. I have really long hair too, and I didn't decide to grow it out either... you've gotten me thinking about that now! lol.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
Now I feel inspirational. ;-)
depphead ══╣╠══
misemifein2 ══╣╠══
I keep reading people's journals and telling myself i will go back and comment later... and then lose them under a pile of new entries and forget. But I remembered this one!

You only live once and hair grows back. But slowly and I wouldn't want you to do something and then be upset. Although I'm sure we'd all reassure you that you were still absolutely beautiful and so on and that you shouldn't really be upset. So we are like a safety net really. Besides, purple streaks would be amazing.
belenen ══╣beautiful╠══
Purple streaks would be amazing! I really want to try that.

And yes, you are a kind of safety net. I never really thought about that, but it's true.
miss_madisonave ══╣╠══
my hair has always been a big part of my identity, but i have shortish hair. and it's platinum blonde. some ppl associate it with marilyn monroe's hair, and one person told me that she could always remember which person i was in the classroom b/c i was "the girl with the blonde hair." but it doesn't bother me and i really do love my hair. i love doing something different to it, but sometimes that comes back and kicks me in the ass.
belenen ══╣curious╠══
off-subject -- who are those two ladies in your icon?
miss_madisonave ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣╠══
miss_madisonave ══╣╠══
shespoke ══╣╠══
I've always toyed with "if I got up enough guts" I should shave my head. I use to have WAAAAAAYYYY long hair and it was part of my identity. Then in junior high, I cut it really short. And ever since then it's never been as long as it was. Now it's a medium length and I think it suits me. Still, I give major props to those who do just shave it or do something spunky. I think that's awesome. This comment doesn't really help with your situation and is more just like a ramble about what I think about hair. I'm sorry about that. :(
belenen ══╣shimmering╠══
No need to be sorry, I love the ramble-about-how-you-think/feel comments. I'm not really looking for help so much, just ideas and thoughts. ;-)
anar_anar ══╣╠══
My hair was a very big part of my life for a long time. Paul adored my hair, especially as it got longer. There is a Native American tradition, I think Native American at least... where someone who is grieving does not cut their hair until they are finished... and that's what I did. I didn't want to cut my hair, to me... it symbolized Paul... and the idea that somewhere in this mess of hair there was a part that Paul had once touched... I still "had" it, you know? because in my mind I thought... you know, skin flakes off and all... and even though you wash your hair... I don't know, my hair was different... down at the very end of it somewhere.. Paul had once touched it.
Anyway, when I finally cut it I cut ALL of it. it was insane. I remember crying afterwards thinking I wasn't ready... it was cut shorter than my ears... crazy... at this point I'm growing it out... partly because of Paul... I know that's insane.. but ANYWAY, this entry was about you, not me, hehehe... I think you should definitely THINK about it before you do it, I know at the time it seems like a good idea to just 'do' it.. and you'll feel a bit satisfied afterwards... but just make sure you won't regret it sometime later like I did..
belenen ══╣gentle╠══
wow, thank you for sharing. Do you still regret it?

Hair is a lot more part of us than we realize, I think... other cultures, older cultures, seemed to take it more seriously, like the Jews with covering their hair and the Native American tradition you mentioned...
anar_anar ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣╠══
anar_anar ══╣╠══
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.