August 2017
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I miss my honey......


Ben had surgery to fix his hernia today... I spent the night last night and woke up at 4:30 to take him to his appointment at 6:00. (I had to make coffee; we didn't leave until 5:30) So, took him, stayed with him while they stuck an IV in him (his body had a strongly negative reaction; he was shivering and so pale, and almost passed out) and then they took him away... And I had to go home and change 'cause I had work later. I came back and waited until he finally woke up, then took him home and took care of him for about 45 minutes before I left for work. (I was late to work, but I called before and it was okay)

Ben is so.... Ben. He heard about how the anesthesic will make people groggy and disoriented, and he was determined not to be. After he woke, he forced himself alert and thanked the physicians who worked on him, and he made his mind alert the rest of the day (except when he slept, which was a lot).

After work I went back to Ben's and loved on him more, just holding him and massaging his shoulders and stroking his hair. I miss my honey so much now. I wanted so badly to sleep with him, just cuddle and love on him all night. I almost wish this happened after we were married, so I could take care of him...... But if we were married, these last three weeks would have been hell -- no sex. As it is we aren't having it anyway, so oh well.

Then I went for my final fitting for my dress..... It looks AWESOME!!!!!! I can't WAIT for it to be totally finished!!!!! I mean, with my beadwork and all. And she said she'd whip my circle skirt together for me for $25. Methinks Kristen not gonna sew all those pieces and that eons-long hem. I'll do the top and the medicine bag and possibly a cloak, unless I decide to wear the one I made for Ben. And I'm getting red or purple electric tape to cover my soles for the costume, so my feet will have some protection. I'm gonna be sexy...... uh-huh. I wonder how much she'll charge to change the banded gauze to a circle skirt. Oh, and I decided that for LOTR3, I'm gonna wear my hair in three french braids going into a ponytail, with the remainder of the hair in 24 braids or so, long tails.

Then I stopped by this tattoo place I've been eyeing and talked about my tattoo. The guy said he wouldn't do facial tattoos on anyone unless they already had several visible tattoos. He talked about the stigma that goes with being tattooed, and how I wouldn't be able to get a job. He also told me I was pretty and he didn't want to mess that up, and that he could do something beautiful on my face, but wouldn't; other places yes, even highly visible places. He counseled me that anyone who would agree to do that would be an irresponsible artist, and he'd know, being in the business for nearly 11 years. Damn. Just realized that's God saying "Listen to this guy" -- 11 being my number.

Now what am I going to do? Well, here's what I want to do:
a) find a concealer that covers tattoos.
b)try a penned version for at least three consecutive days, telling people it's real, and marking their reactions.
c) go back to that guy, show him my sketch, the concealer, tell him about the experiment, and get him to do it. I really respect him. He's a true artist, and that's the kind of person I want marking my face.

I have until February, I can do it easily.

I miss my baby so much........ So so much right now..... And I want sex so badly I'm gonna DIE. The second and third day of my period I'm always like that. It's weird. From what I've heard most girls want nothing to do with sex during their period. I think it's partly 'cause I feel vulnerable and I need intimacy.
feelings: horny


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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.