July 2017
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As Ben would say, shitz0rs (or something like that, whatevah)
I feel like a two-week-old dirty diaper.

Ben and I have decided that I will quit working for a time, despite the fact that I really like my job, like my co-workers, like having extra money, and am due for a raise in about a week. There are just things that are more important -- becoming a healthy human being is one of those. But I am so torn... I need to do this, but I don't want to. And yes, I need to do it now.

So I meant to talk to Polly about it today, but she wasn't there, so I'll have to try to do it tomorrow. I'm still going to get my social security thing fixed on thursday, because it needs to get done... this is so upsetting. Why? We aren't in a financial bind for once, thanks to Ben's bonus and the tax refund we just got (which is a sign that makes me a little more convinced that this is the right thing to do)... it's just my whole fear-of-being-useless thing. And there's helplessness in not making money. And all the questions I'm bound to get. Because I don't think you can understand this unless you've gone through it. Apparently I have also decided not to use complete sentences anymore. Anyway.

What if I'm making a huge mistake? But what's so huge about quitting a small-pay part-time job anyway?

please don't advise me not to quit, a lot of thinking and praying has gone into this decision and I'm second-guessing it enough already.
Also, thank you so much for your encouragement, Jason, Kyra, Peter, Sarah Anne, and Kate. It meant a lot to me, I will respond later.
feelings: distressed
sounds: Cake: "You Turn The Screws"


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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.