November 2017
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email to Spencer


I just emailed Spencer... *bites nails* I know I'm going to be checking my email crazy-all-the-time until he writes me back now. Silly girl, so freaking scared of indifference.

Nope, I didn't tell him about my journal. Not sure when I will. Maybe we'll start emailing back and forth and then I'll get the eggs to do it. I'm hinging so much on his response, it's ridiculous.

EDIT: I wrote him this:
________________________________________________
Hi Spencer!

Can you email me Gabe's school snail-mail address?

And how's life?

I'm about to quit my job (temporarily) to concentrate on counseling stuff... I suppose you could say life is going well for Ben and I, for the most part. We're at the most financially stable we've ever been, we have a decent savings fund, and I'm improving emotionally, though slowly. We hope that me being free of the responsibility of work will help me to let go, stop being strong and stoic, and experience all the pain I've locked away, so that I can be free of it for good.

I'd love it if you'd keep me in your prayers, and Ben too ('cause he's going to need a lot of patience and strength to help me through this).

Love always,
Kristen

P.S. Please kiss Risa for me and tell Paula and William I said hi!
________________________________________________

he emailed me:
"Everything is going well. Time is flying by. Risa is starting to crawl. She also is realizing when we are leaving without her, and that's not pleasant. Gabe is here this weekend." Kinda terse, eh? I knew I shouldn't have written him. *beats fist on forehead* STUPID GIRL.

feelings: nervous
sounds: The Benjamin Gate: "Violently"

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Comments
acid_burns ══╣╠══
What did you write him, if you don't mind me asking?
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
I should have included that -- I'm going to edit the post and put it in.
duchesse20 ══╣Full body╠══
I'm not sure what to say to this, cause I don't remember who Spencer is. :( It's also hard to make sense of what he wrote seeing as we don't know what you wrote. But it is kinda short and direct! ;)
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
This post explains most of the people I mention here.

And sorry about this post -- it didn't make much sense because I was just venting. But I edited to include my email to him. ;-)
angeleyes831 ══╣╠══
hmmm, hard to say without knowing whatcha wrote to him, but sometimes people are super busy, maybe be glad he wrote you back so soon and try again later
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
sorry about this post -- it didn't make much sense because I was just venting. But I edited to include my email to him. ;-)

And yeah, he is busy all the time... maybe I should just try again later...
ex_alariya46 ══╣╠══
Silly woman. You're not stupid. You just were wanting to reach out to someone you care about as much as you'd care about a real dad. There's always the possibility too that he just wrote you back that way because he's busy. It doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't want to still have you close.
*kiss*
I love you!!!
belenen ══╣pain╠══
yeah, I know... I get everything way out of proportion when it comes to the Wynnes...
sidheblessed ══╣╠══
Hmm, I agree, bit hard to know what the email means without knwoing what you wrote or your relationship to him, lol.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
This post explains most of the people I mention here.

And sorry about this post -- it didn't make much sense because I was just venting. But I edited to include my email to him. ;-)
anar_anar ══╣╠══
well, it does seem kind of short and not very ... emotional? but perhaps that's just the way he is in emails ?
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
haha, that's kinda the way he is in life, too. He's very practical, not so emotional. ;-)
shespoke ══╣╠══
I hate when I put time and thought into my emails and then I get responses like that. It's not that I don't appreciate the response, but it feels so....empty.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
I KNOW!
karmia ══╣╠══
a) Same as everybody else, not knowing what the e-mail said, it's harder to get a grip on whether he was just giving you the cold shoulder or was possibly busy.

b) I know you already know this, but it's worth pointing out again-- if you're going to press people for deeper relationships, you're going to have to be able to remember that their reactions don't only mean "I don't want to be close to you, you freak" or "Wow! I love deep relationships! This is fabulous!" Spencer (and a lot of people you have this problem with) all probably have similar positions-- they care about you, and they don't want to lose the friendship, but they know that a *deep* relationship as you want it isn't necessarily feasible or what they want. They then feel uncomfortable because they know that any way they try to say that they want something in the middle grounds, you'll still probably see it as an extreme, most likely on the "no relationship" end. I think what a lot of it comes down to is that you have to remember you do have a sensitivity to the issue, no matter how much you say otherwise, and you have to keep that in mind when your guaging people's reactions or even bringing the subject up with them in the first place.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
sorry about this post -- it didn't make much sense because I was just venting. But I edited to include my email to him.

Maybe once I'm healed my whole 'love very much or very little' thing will change. It's a hope, I suppose.
karmia ══╣╠══
oh, pah! I just read the letter. You're fine. He probably was just busy, like everybody said, and didn't want to completely ignore your e-mail.
eternitywaiting ══╣╠══
I hate throwing in the same two cents that came from everyone else, but again, without knowing what you wrote....

You're the only one who can really judge if his response was because he was harried or cold, because you're the one who wrote the original letter. If yours was 9 paragraphs long and asking for an intimate discussion of his life, then yeah, I gotta say, you have reason to feel jilted. If yours was als breif (although I doubt quite to the same degree) and not very in-depth, then he was probably just knocking out a quick response so you'd know he was thinking about you, rather than waiting and making you feel forgottn for the sake of a couple extra sentances.
belenen ══╣shimmering╠══
sorry about this post -- it didn't make much sense because I was just venting. But I edited to include my email to him. ;-)

You made me feel better, especially with that last sentence. ;-) Thank you.
darkpool ══╣╠══
Yeah, a lot of times if I don't have time to respond to a person in depth I'll send them a short email and than email them at olength later if I can.
valynn ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
he's always busy and not very talkative... but I'm not really sure. He could have been busy or he could have just not felt like writing, or he could have thought that's exactly what I wanted.

Nothing bad happened, as far as I know.
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.