September 2017
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vulnerable / the right to criticize


feeling vulnerable... like I haven't for a long while. Probably it was a mistake to ask for the negatives right now when I'm not really up to taking them. Plus, I recently had several face-to-face-known people be critical of me when I was being myself (and not asking for criticism), and I haven't really recovered from that yet.

I feel terrible. And misunderstood. And like I don't want to share my growing process because people will think ill of me for being broken. And I'm trying not to think ill of them for thinking less of me than I deserve. We all see through dark wavy glass -- none of us really have a clear view of each other, though some work to see more clearly than others.

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And I'm irritated with some people (not you guys) for thinking that they have the right to criticize me just because I exist and they think ill of me. Keep it to yourself unless I ask. I don't go around criticizing you, though goodness knows I could because in a lot of ways I am wiser, but that is exactly the reason I refrain. I know that no one ever learns from criticism unless they are ready for it -- and if they are ready for it they will ask.

Also, not all criticism has value. If you don't know much about science, your criticism of the way a chemist mixes his stuff is nearly worthless. In the same way, if you don't know much about being open, your criticism of someone else's methods of openness are nearly worthless. (I say 'nearly' because I don't believe that any human opinion is totally worthless) A person's opinion (and criticism) should be weighed against her/his experience.

---Those who know less about the subject than you -- there might be a bit of truth in what they say, but don't take them too seriously. Even if you know more, don't criticize unless they ask.
---Those who are your equals -- consider, but remember that your opinion carries the same weight as theirs, so don't let them overwhelm you. Have respect and don't criticize unless they ask.
---Those who are your superiors -- keep your mouth shut and watch them, unless they ask for your opinion. I've never had somone who was superior to me in an area criticize me in that area unless I asked their opinion -- so I tend to think that if they do criticize you without you asking, they are probably not superior, and just think they are. And of course, realize that people who are your superiors in one area may be your peers or inferiors in another area, and treat each person and situation accordingly.

And you know what? I just realized I've been totally wrong, rude, selfish, and inconsiderate with you, Anika. (as I said, I know that no one ever learns from criticism unless they are ready for it -- and if they are ready for it they will ask) I am very sorry. I didn't think of what I said as criticism, but I was suggesting you change your behavior, which is a type of criticism. My aim was to support you and encourage you to be strong, but I think I failed miserably. If you don't read this I will apologise to you later, and I will certainly be more careful from now on.

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I am wounded but not weak.
feelings: determined yet vulnerable
connecting: , ,


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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.