December 2017
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31


counseling -- forgiveness (in-depth) = not so much sleeping problems / the gift of counseling


So Saturday I had counseling for the first time in three weeks that felt like two months. Blech.

I came in, told her all about what had happened the previous Saturday with meeting the lady at church and forgiving everybody, and then Rebecca and I forgiving each other... and she told me that God had told her that if I came in talking about forgiveness, to lead me step-by-step through a thorough forgiveness prayer, so we did that. It was a little emotional at times, but it didn't really faze me, and I didn't feel any different. She said she could see a difference in me already, and later Ben told me the same thing... mainly she said I have to walk it out, everyday refuse to pick up anger, resentment, all that shit.

I still don't feel different -- but for the past two days I've been able to go to sleep when Ben does and get up at 6:00am in the morning without a struggle. If you know me at all you know that is huge -- my whole life, even when I am happy I have a very hard time getting up before 10:00am. I don't know if this will stick, but it is a good change to not feel like sleeping from 7am to 7pm and then get up and want to take naps! I feel more alive.

I'm not happy that my next session is so far away -- the 21st. But I don't feel so much like I am wasting my life, because I'm not sleeping or drowsy all the time... and Patricia gave me some titles to look up to help me grow in the meantime. And starting June 14th there's going to be a restoration series held at the church that I will hopefully be able to go to... it's $125 but my 'scholarship' might cover it.

Oh yeah, I don't think I've said this before -- I'm going to counseling for free because one of the ladies at my church considers it her ministry to pay for other people's counseling; God points out people to her and she offers to pay for them. God was really taking care of Ben and I, because she gave us counseling for our wedding present, and we had to have it. I don't care to think about what we'd have done without it. We had couples counseling for about six months, and since then it's been just me. Ben had amazing parents and one of those families that you think went extinct 100 years ago -- they have a few small problems, but nothing like any other family I've seen. So he didn't need that much help. Me, on the other hand... I am so incredibly grateful to God for leading that lady to us (we don't even know her personally, she knew Ben's mom) and so grateful to that lady for following Him.

feelings: calm
sounds: Fuel: "Getting Thru?"
connecting: , ,

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Comments
preciousdestiny ══╣╠══
thats really nice of her to give you free counsling. i wish someone would do that for me, i swear somedays i could really benefit from it lol.
eternitywaiting ══╣crazy╠══
Yeah, I think I kind of have to say "ditto" to that. :-P
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
I know... I often wish I was rich so that I could do that for people. I think everyone needs at least some counseling.
abstractfish ══╣╠══
what made you move towards forgiveness?
belenen ══╣shimmering╠══
lack of forgiveness was holding me back... you can't heal when you keep re-opening the wound, and that's what my bitter anger was doing.
_bijou ══╣╠══
I hate getting up in morning also - it's very hard for me. I have to wake up at 6:00 every morning for school, and I'm always staying up late for school work, so I only get a few hours of sleep on weeknights. Bleh.

That's an awesome thing for that woman to do with the counceling.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
The temptation to stay up late is so strong! I looooove nighttime.
goleafs87 ══╣╠══
Your lucky to have someone who is willing to do that for you that's a huge gift to have given someone. I'm glad your moving ahead in your life and are moving towards forgiveness, that's a huge step
belenen ══╣beautiful╠══
I am very very blessed. And when I am financially able, you better believe I'm going to give other people what has been given to me. ;-)
paperwings21 ══╣╠══
Awe... that's so nice.
Did you find that 'couples councelling' worked? Just curious about it's effectiveness.
belenen ══╣mysterious╠══
Oh, the couples counseling really helped us -- but I think it only helps if both people are willing to change. I am everyday thankful that Ben is humble enough to admit when he is wrong, it's a wonderful rare thing.

For us, it basically helped us to understand each other and learn how to compromise and help each other's weak areas.
juansrx ══╣*glm1╠══
prophets never asked for money when they had to give advice from God
valynn ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣vivacious╠══
;-)
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.