October 2017
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*poll* should I tell Patricia?


Yay! God so loves me -- I just got an email saying that Patricia's appointment Saturday cancelled, would I like to come in? Hell yeah!

I've been debating on whether or not to tell Patricia about my modeling and my journal, so I'm asking you guys for your thoughts. See, she's not at all Miss Prissy Fundamentalist -- she's been a bellydancer for 20 years, 15 professional; she's not one bit uncomfortable talking about sex; she uses 'vulgar' words without blushing or apologizing; and she just has a very open mind, from what I can tell. Still, she is around 50, and she might have hangups...

I feel that God is pleased with and proud of the openness of my modeling and journalling... but my belief in his joy in me is fragile, and if someone I very much respected as godly were to tell me that they think it's wrong/bad/whatever, it would give me doubt in God's support of me. (that is a temporary thing caused by my brokenness -- when I am healed, my faith won't be so weak)

Pros:
I would feel more myself, because I'd be open and honest with her. Right now I feel a little dishonest.
If she approves, I will feel so much more confident of God's approval.
If I feel more confident of His approval, I will feel more free to be honest and open with everyone, even Ben's parents and fundamentalist types.

Cons:
Tolerance is not enough. If she were to say it's okay, just borderline, then I'd doubt that God thinks it's beautiful, and that would be tragic to me.
If she disapproves, I'll lose a lot of confidence, for a while at least.
If she tried to talk me out of it, then I wouldn't trust her with anything that I consider possibly 'bad,' for a while at least, and that would make it difficult for me to learn from her.

Poll #489005 should I?

tell her? 0 is no, 1 is neutral/ambivalent, 2 is yes.

Mean: 1.72 Median: 2 Std. Dev 0.56
0
2(5.6%)
1
6(16.7%)
2
28(77.8%)

feelings: confused
connecting: , , ,

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Comments
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thesaj ══╣╠══
Actually, I think the result will be that she will over-all approve or at least believe this is a great step for you in becoming re-comfortable with yourself.

So long as you express that it is done artistically and with great value towards yourself (as opposed to pornography's denigrating of one's self)

;)
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
thank you for your input. ;-)
goleafs87 ══╣╠══
I say yes because then she would know the "Whole you" No secrets you might have, no hiding from anything you might be hiding and yeah it just might work even better for you if she knows everything:D
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
thank you, I appreciate your insight.
kmiotutsie ══╣╠══
i'm sure even if Patricia were to say it's just "okay" she would come around. you're passionate enough about what you do that she would come around.
belenen ══╣vivacious╠══
thanks, I'll take that as a compliment!
kmiotutsie ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣╠══
kmiotutsie ══╣╠══
carodus ══╣╠══
I put my poll vote in the neutral category -- mainly because I think that you should 'play it by ear'. Pray about it first and if you feel comfortable discussing it with her - then go right ahead :)

Sometimes - even when you plan things out - the vibes or feel of a situation is different and you realise that the timing isn't quite right.

belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
that's exactly what happened, actually -- I decided to tell her, but the timing wasn't right so I waited.
wandrlost ══╣╠══
um, i don't really know you well enough yet, so, i'm not entirely how to vote in the poll.

but i have always had an attitude of doing things that i feel best allow me to enhance my creativity and spirituality.

also, i haven't seen your modeling, so i'm not sure how anyone would take it.

but she seems like she is pretty cool and open.

maybe if you were to gently probe through talk, rather than just laying it all in the open, you would be able to read her vibe on the whole thing.

just a thought.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
thanks for sharing your thoughts. ;-)
wandrlost ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣╠══
wandrlost ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣╠══
phrankenstyne ══╣Dark Side╠══
Personally, I think you should do what you feel is right. You may look to us for advice, but the ultimate choice is yours. Go with your gut (which is probably shrinking from the dancing, if I know anything [which I usually don't]). Anyhoo, from what I've read, I can safely say yes, you should tell her, because I think you've already made up your mind not to keep it from her any longer.

I wish you the best with your decision.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
thank you, and I do believe you are right.
talkingpotato ══╣╠══
*hugs* I hope all goes well with Patricia! Sometimes it's so hard sharing things with people.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
thanks. ;-)
angeleyes831 ══╣╠══
I voted no. Honestly, I think it is up to you but if it were me, I would not. Reasons being:

1) just because you do it and God approves does not mean she will and the blow can hurt you
a) you were hurting from the comments the other day
b) you stated you didn't think you were ready
2) losing trust in the beginning of any relationship is bad, bad, bad
3) you happiness and your belief should not hinge on what someone thinks, no matter what or who they are

I think you are a beautiful and amazing person but I would wait until you know her better to share this part of your life. I don't want to discourage you but I think if she does not like it, you will be hurt and that is the last thing you need. If you feel God prompting you to tell her, do so, He knows better than I do....
belenen ══╣beautiful╠══
Thank you for explaining, your opinion is important to me. ;-) And thank you for the compliments!
kevloid ══╣╠══
I understand how her objection (or one perceived) would affect you because you respect her so much, but don't let it. this is you. her job is to help you move forward as yourself. she's definitely not there to judge you, and I doubt she would. her biggest question may only be why you waited to tell her.

but definitely tell her. she needs to know everything to do her job properly. anyone'll tell you that.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
thanks, you make some very good points. I have decided to tell her, for sure.
mabels ══╣╠══
Hmmm, my guess is that she will be okay with it.

Oh, i wish you didnt base your view on how God views you on how OTHERS view you. THEY are not God and no matter how Godly you might think they are, the truth is they are just as human as everyone else is. You know in your heart that you are not doing anything wrong or unholy...besides, God was perfectly happy with Adam and Eve being nakid. It was Adam and Eve who chose to clothe themself because they felt dirty when they sinned. Thus, i really believe there is no sin in nudity or nude art at all.

belenen ══╣shimmering╠══
Thanks for your support, and the Adam and Eve comment -- very insightful.

I am growing, and other people's views affect my God-image less and less... When I am healed I believe that no one will be able to cast shadows on his love for me.
mabels ══╣╠══
chillychilly22 ══╣╠══
I chose neutral because you seem very unsure about it. I agree with you that she needs to get to know the whole you, but I disagree about how godly you make her out to be (however great she may be, and I'm sure she is). She is not God nor is she speaking for God. Regardless, having her understand and respect what you do would be overwhelmingly uplifting.

I have a feeling though that when you are ready to tell her, she will be accepting and appreciate your wanting to be more open with her. I don't know you nearly as much as she does, but from what I do know, I know that your motives are pure and that you have a good heart.
belenen ══╣beautiful╠══
Thank you, that was a very encouraging comment to read.
streaked_beauty ══╣╠══
I dont think you should, because you are obviously unsure about it.
You might want to test the waters type of thing. Bring something up and see how she reacts, but not really tell her.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
that's a good point, thank you.
sans_am0ur ══╣╠══
I think you should tell her... Is she a close friend? Because if she is then she should understand and be supportive. Do you know how come her appointment was cancelled?
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
She's my counselor -- I'm guessing that the appointment was cancelled because the other person she was going to counsel was unable to make it. Lucky for me!
sidheblessed ══╣ponr╠══
I voted yes, but only if and when you are ready. If she's a counsellor worth her salt, she won;t judge you for it. Honestly, she won't.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
thanks, I agree.
lilerthkwake ══╣╠══
I can completely relate to equating people's approval (especially people you respect) with God's approval.

It's interesting that you ALREADY KNOW THAT HER DISAPPROVAL WOULD MAKE YOU DOUBT GOD'S APPROVAL. If you know that, then you'd be going into this situation "armed", so to speak. The truth is that God will let YOU know what he wants for your life. If he had a problem with your journal or modeling, you would feel it. Remind yourself that no one else's opinion is more important than God's opinion of you, and only you can truly discern what God wants/prefers for you.

I believe that God is much less about rules and outward forms of "purity" or "devotion" than he is about LOVE RESPECT AND COMPASSION. I believe that you strive to love and glorify God in your heart. The truth is that we cannot please everyone, and there will always be people who judge or disagree with our actions. But if we focus of living rightly as God has revealed to us, we can be confident in ourselves and find peace.
belenen ══╣shimmering╠══
Remind yourself that no one else's opinion is more important than God's opinion of you, and only you can truly discern what God wants/prefers for you.
I really do need to remind myself of that every day.

In fact, everything you wrote rang so true with me, thank you so much for sharing.
lilerthkwake ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣╠══
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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.