July 2017
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I'm definitely going to cut my hair


I have decided it -- my hair is going to be cut shorter than it has ever been before. What I really want is to go down to about 2 inches long, but I still have to work with Ben on this whole thing... Just for comparison, right now my hair is over three feet long.

Why? I have quite a few reasons. First, I want to make a clean break from the past. I want a physical marker that I can set to say, "I have changed, I am no longer the shell of a person that I used to be." Also, I never decided to grow my hair out, I just procrastinated until people started mentioning how long it was, and then it felt like I had spent too much time growing it out to cut it. It's quite a large part of my identity -- for a long time I've been "the girl with the really long hair" -- and I don't like having a part of my identity be something that just happened to me. And I don't want to go my whole life with long hair -- I want to at least see what it's like to have short hair. Right now, my hair is starting to feel like a chain or a noose, and the idea of cutting it gives me a feeling of freedom -- a beautiful feeling, almost like flying. I love this feeling of certainty that is growing in me.

But before I cut it, I want some good photos of me with my hair down, outside in the sunshine. I love seeing those photos of other long-haired people, and I don't have a single one. Depending on my impatience, those may be taken by Ben or they may be taken by my favorite photographer, storeyphoto.

And I want a sort of ceremony -- I want Allison to ponytail it and braid it into 21 braids, then cut the braids off at the ponytail, so that I can keep them (and maybe have someone make them into a hairpiece) and then afterwards I'd either let her snip at it or I'd go to a salon and have them tailor it up. And I want Allison to do it because I know she's a perfectionist and she'd make those braids perfect. ;-) Maybe I'll have Ashley and Rebecca and elya and Kristen come watch, and we'll listen to Massive Attack and burn candles and sip sparkling cider (elya's a teetotaler). It will be the ribbon-cutting ceremony for my journey into authenticity.
feelings: determined
sounds: Massive Attack: "Special Cases"
connecting:


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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.