September 2017
          1 2
3 4 5 6 7 8 9
10 11 12 13 14 15 16
17 18 19 20 21 22 23
24 25 26 27 28 29 30


beginning to be realfriends with my evil twin / I smoked, mmm yummeh.


I have so much to say and it's all jostling for position and so I can't get any of it out, it's like it bottlenecks... that's why lately there have been several times when I haven't posted for days... and that's why there have been a flood of posts (relatively) today, I finally decided "so what if no one reads all this because I posted too much in one day, I need to get it out." And I'm not backdating either, so there! :-p

So, my evil twin came over and we talked and talked and talked... while doing other things, of course. It's safe to say that we are friends again, on a level we've never been before. We were friends way back in middle and high school, but that was almost always just for fun, nothing too intimate. Yet I did consider her a best friend, right after Rebecca, just in a totally different way... anyway.

First she locked her keys in the car, so we called around for a locksmith (all ridiculously expensive), and I called my uncle who knows a lot about cars (he built his first car!) but while I was on the phone with him learning how to use a coathanger to open it, Kristen went outside and pushed the window down. Apparently it was broken, but it hadn't occurred to her to push it down. Oh the blondness!

Then she and I went out, to the Dwarf House (because she became addicted to chic-fil-a in the 4 years she worked there) and to my favorite little coffeehouse, and she poured out her heart to me. She's had a very hard time lately... Her parents make me thankful for mine. Seriously! And Kristen's no pushover -- her personality is nearly as strong as mine. I think the difference is, her parents are more controlling than mine (all with very good intentions) and she hasn't had anyone around her suggest that maybe they are wrong -- regardless of how much they just want to help. It was hard to listen to, and when Ben heard about some of it he was furious.

I tried to be calm and just help her see that it isn't all her fault -- partly, but not all. They keep telling her that she is "on the path to destruction" and they basically insinuate that if she doesn't let them make all the decisions for her, she'll make exactly the wrong ones and end up destroyed. Kristen just kept wanting me to see their side of the story, because she thinks I am biased towards her and therefore my thoughts aren't quite valid. I think I do see their side -- they are genuinely concerned for her, they want her to have a happy healthy life, and they don't think she can do it without their 'guidance.' The problem is, she's not a child anymore. She has a need to make her own decisions, and she is falling apart because while they are taking responsibility for her every action, she can't take responsibility herself. She's making the wrong decisions because she has been trained to equate right and wrong with what they let her do and what they stop her from. Yeah, if she moves out and takes control of her own life, she'll probably make some mistakes. But I think she has a very strong spirit and if given the chance, will learn quickly from her mistakes and develop into a very mature person. If they'd let her go, they'd probably come to admire her. My parents did.

It wasn't the most light-hearted evening, but it was fun all the same. We rocked out to some Gwen in her mustang convertible... I forgave it for being a mustang when she put the top down. What an awesome feeling. I must have a convertible some day... preferably a violet 97 firebird formula, sexeh!

Then we went back to my house, sat in her car and smoked a raspberry cigarillo (we didn't go inside because of Ben's asthma) -- I had never smoked before and I was curious. We shared one because I didn't know if I would be able to smoke one entirely, so we were passing it back and forth when our mormon neighbors came home and walked right by us -- I told Kristen they were mormons and we giggled wondering if they thought we were smoking a joint.

Oddly I had no problems with it -- yet secondhand cigarette smoke makes my lungs physically hurt. (maybe it was because we were outside) I tell you what, if it weren't so bad for you (and expensive and nasty-breath-inducing and voice-destroying), I would definitely smoke. I love playing with the smoke -- Kristen kept giggling at me for staring at the swirly patterns. And it just looks badass. Too bad it's so horrible health-wise.

I gave her her birthday present and made her put it on so I could take pictures:
Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.usFree Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us
She's so darn cyuuuute!!!


I think she liked it... I explained to her that "indomitable" was the one word that I thought best described her (a while ago I made several shirts for my friends with their 'characteristic' words). She didn't quite know how to react, but after she put it on she liked the way it looked, so I suppose it was good enough. It's glowpaint! which made her like it more. I still plan to get her something else, though, because I don't think she felt 'understood' enough from that present. Plus, I made it for last year's birthday and just never got it to her, so that made me feel a bit guilty.
feelings: contemplative
sounds: Muse: "Falling Away With You"
connecting: , , ,


back to top

Comments
blakeseventy3 ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣eccentric╠══
gyrlcentric ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣vivacious╠══
wittypnai ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣eccentric╠══
shespoke ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣giggling╠══
shespoke ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣giggling╠══
rangoth ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣teasing╠══
dangermike ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣teasing╠══
smalltownhero ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
aubkabob ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
aubkabob ══╣╠══
kevloid ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
ex_alariya46 ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
talkingpotato ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣giggling╠══
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
talkingpotato ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣necklace╠══
talkingpotato ══╣╠══
mabels ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣curious╠══
mabels ══╣╠══
mabels ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
mabels ══╣╠══
eternitywaiting ══╣me╠══
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
anar_anar ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.