November 2017
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renaissance festival / I'm becoming my true self, more confident and outgoing


So we went to the Renaissance Festival with Ben's dad and two of his brothers and Rebecca -- but we really just rode with them, we split up once we got there. Rebecca's Trevor also went with his family, and poor Rebecca spent the whole trip there watching his car through the back window. Heh. (I remember what that felt like)

I wanted very badly to spend lots of money on a corset and undershirt, but alas, Ben made me see reason. I'm kinda glad I didn't buy them right now, because I'd like to shop around first... and also because I may be able to get my costume designer friend jedibubbles to make one for me, possibly for less than it would cost at RenFest. We'll see.

I did buy something fascinating and awesome, though. I went to one vendor and bought a vial filled with "fairy dust," which I then gleefully sprinkled into the wind -- it really did look like magic dust, puffing and swirling on the breezes. I took the vial to a man selling scented oils, and he filled it up for me with "Fire," a vibrant crimson cinnamon-cloves blend -- oh wow. I love love love that scent, even more than cinnamon alone. I put it on and wore it for the rest of the day, catching whiffs of the scent whenever the wind blew. And the vial with it's deep red oil is so gorgeous -- I am certain that it will be featured in future photoshoots. I'll post a photo of it pretty soon. If I had known how much I'd love it I'd have bought his whole bottle -- that was his last RenFest ever, and he was closing up shop. I wonder how long oils last?

I discovered that I have become more of my true self -- I'm shedding my old 'reserved' skin. Throughout the day I saw myself acting with more confidence and ease in speaking to strangers, which is such a relief to me. It isn't me to be quiet or standoffish, yet I've acted that way for most of my life because it was my coping mechanism. As I'm healing, I'm losing my fear of being seen as stupid -- the reason I was 'quiet' was because I lived by the old adage, "better to keep your mouth closed and appear a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt."

One instance was at a glass artist's booth. I saw some dichrotic pendants that were incredible -- each one was like a tiny painting. I was awed, and told the lady "womaning" the booth how impressed I was (most dichrotic glass tends to be fairly random, while this artist obviously had a lot of skill), and asked if they had a website. She said no, they didn't, but would I like to meet the artist? My first reaction (my old self) was no, I'd be too intimidated, but I found myself saying yes, I would. So she called the artist over from a nearby booth, and told her that I admired her work. She said thank you, and looked at me expectantly. I tripped over my words at first, but then I got caught up in enthusing over her work, and we had a bit of conversation and I was relaxed. For me to be relaxed around a stranger that I consider to be superior to me is a completely new experience for me. It was also new to be able to gush about glass with someone who shares my passion. She mentioned that she is based in Savannah, and said that she could teach me how to do it in a day, though it would be a intensive session. I think she liked the idea of teaching someone as obviously in love with glass as I am. In the future I hope to buy some of her pendants for centerpieces for my necklaces.

The other 'new me' example was when we were headed home and stopped at a Subway -- without even thinking I struck up a conversation with the, um, sandwich artist? What do you call a sub-maker? Anyway, that was odd for me because before I started talking to him, he had a rather stand-offish demeanor, and usually I leave people alone if I get any hint that they'd like it that way. (and I used to have no interest at all in small talk -- I've been meaning to post about that) But he warmed up to me really quickly. Something about him seemed terribly sad... When we left I wanted to hug him, but I settled for giving him a real smile (not the polite little turning-up of lips that I usually dole out to strangers) and saying thank you in a very genuine tone. The most interesting thing about that small encounter was that I interpreted him more correctly -- before I would have not been so perceptive, and I would have thought of him as rude or snobby, but he wasn't, not at all. He was hurting, yet so brave. Now that I'm a bit more healed, I don't expect everyone to be mean to me, so I was able to see him more accurately. He made a deep impression on me, too -- I've thought about him several times since then.

feelings: satisfied
sounds: the Cranberries: "How"
connecting: , , , ,

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Comments
hikeonwheels ══╣╠══
It;s nice to hear that you are more confident with interacting with people. I never knew you were shy like that, I mean you dont think twice about getting up in church and dancing, I just assumed you wouldn't be the shy type. It's funny how impressions of people are built up isn't it.

I hope that woman teaches you the glass tricks. That would be cool.

You talking about Subway has got me all hungry now, thanks :)
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
yeah, I was never really shy, I just was so insecure that my friendly and outgoing side couldn't come out. As for dancing, it was never easy going up front to dance, but once I started I just didn't think about anything else, not even people watching.
streaked_beauty ══╣╠══
Do you live near or in Georgia? Im just asking, because you said Savannah.

I went to the the festival when I was there. I loved it and wanted to go back again, but then I moved. I know they have something like that here, but im not sure if its the same or not.

Thats awesome also how confident you were about speaking to strangers. I actually have that problem too and usually keep my mouth shut.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
Yep, I live in Georgia. I looooove this state.

They have RenFests all over the US, and some of the vendors travel to all of them, and they usually have a lot of local vendors too. So each one has a different flavor but they are all similar.
shespoke ══╣╠══
It's so intimidating to talk to someone you don't know if you're not confident in yourself. I think it's a definite sign that you are making progress and starting to be more confident about yourself. Soon it'll just be natural instinct. :)
belenen ══╣shimmering╠══
Soon it'll just be natural instinct.

Well, I think it always has been my natural instinct, I've just been so insecure that I squelched the instinct. Now I'm starting to live it -- it's such a relief.
talkingpotato ══╣╠══
It sounds like you had a wonderful time :-) It's always so healing to go on emotional and spiritual journeys, you come away feeling as if you have shed your old skin and revealed something new and beautiful. *hugs*
Did you get pictures?
As far as costuming, I typically find that the custom made stuff by friends is normally better than anything you could buy at the festival itself and cheaper too.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
Nope, no pictures this year... I didn't want to bring my 'spensive camera and I forgot to buy a cheapie one.

It was a journey -- I never imagined I'd learn so much about myself from a RenFest.
talkingpotato ══╣╠══
I think some of my best and worst self realizations have happened at Ren Faires, or related to them or the people from them in some ways.
juansrx ══╣*kur1╠══
I`ll take a break...I don`t know how many comments I`ll put in a long time...please read me!
wandrlost ══╣╠══
i'm glad you're feeling more like you.

and cinnamon/clove essential oils... god, i would do any for some for some. i'd be one happy boy.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
mmm... cinnamon is my favorite smell of all time, and I love how the cloves scent makes it more earthy and less sweet.
nikare ══╣╠══
Sounds like you're allowing yourself to "see" people.

Control it early, or it may run rampant without your permission.
belenen ══╣strong╠══
I think I know what you mean. A good while ago I used to pick up everyone else's burdens, totally subconsciously, so I hated being around other people because I'd pick up their hurts without realizing it and they'd make me feel like shit. But I've since learned what that instinct is for and how to control it. We were never meant to carry other people's hurts, but only to help lift them to God if the other person was too weak (or just didn't know how) to lift them to God on their own.
jedibubbles ══╣╠══
Dude, I would so NOT charge you $65 bucks! They had a delightful turquoise one, but I have this rule about not buying things that I can make for less... ^_^
belenen ══╣vivacious╠══
yay! *hugs you*
lilerthkwake ══╣╠══
I want to go to a Ren Fest--I think there's one in this area in the Fall.

I'm so glad that you're feeling more confident and free to be yourself. That's something that I'm growing into also, and I am very very happy for you. You're a cool person and shouldn't be afraid to open up with people. Some will not see your coolness, but many will! We can't forever be afraid of those who might not understand us.
belenen ══╣shimmering╠══
We can't forever be afraid of those who might not understand us.

So true! Thank you for the encouragement. ;-)
lilerthkwake ══╣╠══
You're welcome!
sidheblessed ══╣╠══
:) I'm proud of you.
belenen ══╣vivacious╠══
;-) Thank you.
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.