July 2017
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BT2J / Kaylene tells me to get off my ass and go for it.


At Breakthough, I discovered that BT2J was not really what I needed, it was more "understanding where your problems are coming from so you can address them" when I need "fix the problems" type counseling. So okay. I'm glad to know that it wasn't my fault this wasn't having as profound an impact on me as it does on most. I already know my problems. It did give me the benefit of validating them, saying "you're right, that was a bad thing that is still hurting you." I want to go through Elijah House ASAP, but dunno when I'll have the money.

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Kaylene and I stayed up again of course, talking..... and talking. I confided my fear of mediocrity and she really encouraged me. As she was talking I could hear God, so I know what she said was right. She basically told me that I have the desire for a reason, and that God wants me to do something with what he's given me. She also said that she thinks I should persue dance first (before singing or writing) because it is something that I do have a little confidence in, and I'll pick it up pretty fast. She said God wants me to "get off my ass" and go for dance because it will help me learn to trust myself and take risks based on nothing but desire. She explained that her confidence in her voice was something she carved out of herself, and that is the only way to do it.

I believe her.

Finally I asked if she'd support me (actively, not just "that's nice" but actual interest and support) if I did. She said definately, just get off my ass and do it.

I love my Glisten. I needed that motivation.
feelings: thankful
connecting:


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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.