November 2017
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bellydancing disappointment -- no gift, no motivation


I have to fight with myself every time to go to bellydancing. I love it, but I feel like I have very little natural talent, and if I have no gift for it, why waste my time? If I'm not going to be more than average, why bother?

I'm spoiled, because I am usually better than average. And I'm a bit fucked up, because I have always been pushed to perform better than everyone else. So faced with the idea that I am not gifted at something I have so much passion for is just... painful. And why face unnecessary pain?

But I keep going back, mainly because I want to stay decently fit, and other than bellydancing (and practicing at home) I'm not active at all. That's not why I wanted to bellydance! I wish I could just... get a shot of confidence, I guess. No, what I really want is just to be naturally gifted, because I am spoiled fucking rotten and I want ALL the gifts and ALL the talents possible! To make life fun and make challenges worthwhile, because in the back of my mind I would know that I have a gift and can, if I put my mind to it, beat everybody.

Maybe it's just a pride thing. Maybe I'm proud, snotty, and don't like performing sub-par even though I'm trying my damnedest. I don't like being inferior to anyone in any way. Yeah, sounds like I have some pride issues. Hmph.

feelings: irritated
connecting:

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Comments
gyrlcentric ══╣angel╠══
maybe that is exactly why you should do it

to learn to enjoy dancing for itself, because you want to
some lessons are harder than others and to learn them we have to keep going until we get it

so you keep dancing, and when you feel pain or frustration remind yourself that you do not have to be perfect to be good enough

life doesn't have to be one big competition but sometimes it is hard to stop
belenen ══╣shimmering╠══
wow, thank you so much for that. I need to read it every day. ;-)
talkingpotato ══╣╠══
I feel that way about ballroom dancing, I'm AWFUL at it. I agree with the other commenter in that maybe you will have fun just being challenged. Also it might just 'click' with you, I hear about people that were bad at something (or what they considered bad) for ages, and then all of a sudden they improved by leaps and bounds.
belenen ══╣analytical╠══
Thank you, that does give me hope. I did in fact improve by a leap a while ago, but since then the discouragement crept back up on me.
wendylady831 ══╣╠══
Do any of your other friends Belly dance?
If not then thats one thing you can do that they can't, wether your good at it or not.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
I hadn't looked at it that way, thanks! ;-)
wendylady831 ══╣╠══
chillychilly22 ══╣╠══
You know what, I know that feeling and it SUCKS. Plain and simple. I've had the life long experience of excelling at many things during the begginning stages and that slowly start to plateau cause either 1. my heart was not in it or 2. I didn't have a natural talent for it. Many times I feel that I just like to experience a lot of new things but once the "newness" wears off I just lose interest.

Anyway, my advice to you is to stick with it. You can't be great at everything without some type of struggle. I really think that this may be a really good personal challenge for you because you like the dance form and it's the only thing keeping you active. From what I remember, you haven't been doing this since a child, so of course you're not going to dance like a professional but with time and practice and DETERMINATION you can very well pull this off. Don't beat yourself up and just have fun with it. I believe you!!
belenen ══╣shimmering╠══
Thank you! That was so encouraging, with just a little bit of ass-kicking to get me in line! ;-) I really need to swallow my pride and DO it. I know if I don't I'll regret it.
thesaj ══╣╠══
"but I feel like I have very little natural talent, and if I have no gift for it, why waste my time?"

[[[ Have you ever thought of making it a part of your worship? if you do it simply for yourself and for the viewing pleasure of your God - would it not be fulfilling in that alone? ]]]
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
It would be, but I have interpretational dance for that. ;-) bellydance is teaching me more how to use my whole body in dance rather than just my arms, though, so you make a good point.
wandrlost ══╣╠══
last night i went out for my first week of soccer (football to the rest of the world). I used to be an all-star soccer player. last night, i was medicore at best. these guys rn aroud me. soccer was a passion of mine, and to not be able to perform at the highest level was really disappointing. i wanted to just go home. but oplayed the second half anyway. pride made me do it.

i'm also quite a mediocre poet. i write fiction very well, and prose withease, but i am not a great poet. and yet i still write poetry? why? because i love poetry. and i know i'll never be the best at poetry, but still i create, merely for the love of it.

i'm spoiled as well. i have a lot of talents. and wne i don't rise to the top of some of my passions, i become frustrated and not very motivated. but if you love the act for the act itself, then you owe it to yourself to contine. nothing stings quite the same way as regret.

and one always regrets giving up on passion. even when that passion sometimes is a struggle.
belenen ══╣shimmering╠══
nothing stings quite the same way as regret. ... and one always regrets giving up on passion. even when that passion sometimes is a struggle.

So true, very wise words there. Thank you. I know I'd really regret it if I did quit.
lorelei_sakti ══╣╠══
You could have lots of natural talent! You seem very smart and perceptive, and you could possibly be focusing on everything you still need to learn about bellydancing instead of remembering all the things you've already learned.

My dad is really good at golf and bowling, but he is so critical of himself and he keeps comparing his performance to the pros instead of just enjoying the game. I'm like that too, sometimes. It sucks. You gotta think back on that spark of joy that inspired you to start doing it.
belenen ══╣honesty╠══
Thank you for that. I do need to concentrate on what I have gained, rather than what I haven't.
kmiotutsie ══╣╠══
aww, don't fret!! i'd definitely stick with it
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
thanks for the vote. ;-)
faetal ══╣╠══
I love singing, oh boy, do i love singing.. I live with someone who is a talented vocalist, and its terribly painful to be awful at the thing i love...

I consider myself an artist, but i cant draw for the life of me, i can paint better than I draw, I can sculpt, throw pots, make computer graphics.... but drawing? goodness no. I'm told though, however that its alllll in the practice. Natural talent? sure, its there, but it doesnt mean you cant overcome a lack of it in one area.... and this makes the enjoyment in the end way more because it WASNT something that was easy for you.
And when you're wowing other people who feel they cant dance, you'll be an inspiration to them in ways they'd never understand..
belenen ══╣shimmering╠══
Thank you, really, reading that was enlightening. Sometimes you just get so discouraged about something you can't see straight, and you need someone to shed a little light. Thanks for giving me that. ;-)
eternitywaiting ══╣faery╠══
I know exactly how you feel. I've always been blessed with natural gifts that I took for granted, and when faced with a lack of that undercredited ease, I freak. Two good examples: I've always had a natural gift for art and took to painting, drawing, and pottery very quickly. Upon taking a sculpture class, however, I found myself peaking at the high end of average, which probably sounds completely concieted, but is by no means good enough for me. A harsher example is with science...I was always a math/science whiz and actually got the highest Chem grade in the history of my high school, but when I took Physics, I was absolutely awful. Everything didn't fall automatically into their correct places like they did with Chem, and it was seriously heartbreaking to realize that I wasn't 100% talented.

Unfortunately, I'm probably a bad role model on this kind of subject. My decision was to focus more on what I do have a talent for, rather than struggling to succeed at that which I started behind the 8 ball. I chose English over the sciences, and I draw and avoid sculpture. I'm quite satisfied with my decisions (having found a passion for English I had long forgotten, and a fondness for drawing I'd placed to the side) but I don't think that's what would make you happy. You're more stubborn than I am, so I don't know if I can see you happy if you let it go in place of one of your more naturally gifted passtimes.

Hmm...was that rambling? Probably. Forgive me, I got very little sleep last night. :-)
belenen ══╣shimmering╠══
Thank you for sharing -- I was pretty sure that you'd understand perfectly, since we both have that perfectionist streak. :-p
aubkabob ══╣╠══
most of my life, i've had a natural gift at anything i put my mind to, also. i'm thinking that you and bellydancing will be like me and geometry. it will be a lot of gobbledy gook until one day, it just *clicks*.

Hang in there, hun. I know that you're meant to be there.
belenen ══╣strong╠══
thank you, that's encouraging to me. ;-)
aubkabob ══╣╠══
12thknight ══╣╠══
Bíonn gach tosach lag.
Every beginning is weak.
belenen ══╣curious╠══
what's that language? Gaelic? I've always wanted to learn gaelic, connect to my irish roots and all that.
ohsaycanyousay ══╣╠══
I'm spoiled, because I am usually better than average. And I'm a bit fucked up, because I have always been pushed to perform better than everyone else. So faced with the idea that I am not gifted at something I have so much passion for is just... painful. And why face unnecessary pain?

You stated that so perfectly. I know exactly how you feel. The funny thing is, I usually love a challenge and will work so much harder to master something if I find it difficult. But if it is something that I want very much to do or love doing, but I just plain suck at it, I lose the will to work for it. It's hard to explain.

Keep at it, I'm sure it will pay off. I've always wanted to try something like bellydancing, but I'm too co-dependent to go by myself :(
belenen ══╣strong╠══
But if it is something that I want very much to do or love doing, but I just plain suck at it, I lose the will to work for it.

Exactly. I think it's because failure at something you love is so much harder to take than failure at something you don't really care about. The sad thing is, that mindset traps you into only doing what you don't care about.

Thanks for the encouragement -- and as for co-dependency, try something alone that's just a little bit scary first (like a yoga class, for instance), and ease yourself into it. One success on your own will propell you so far.
ex_alariya46 ══╣╠══
You look beautiful when you are bellydancing. I don't care if you're the best thing in bellydancing since fried cheese, you look beautiful. I love to watch you while you dance. Bel, don't give up - you will get where you need to be.

I love you.
belenen ══╣bel hearts alariya╠══
Thank you for the encouragement. ;-)
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.