November 2017
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lj friends?


A month or two ago, I was very attached to LJ -- too much really. I had started censoring myself because I didn't want to lose any of you; you had become more important to me than my own freedom. Then I started distancing myself, not intentionally, but I just lost interest, probably because of my lack of freedom. Now I've gotten over all of that, and I care about your opinions but not to an unhealthy point anymore. Which is a huge relief.

Not really related: the past few days I've been thinking about going private with my LJ. Just stopping all the friend-part of it and using it as a journal only... I doubt I actually will... especially since that wouldn't really be a solution.

See, even though I'm not putting your opinions above my expression, I feel like I invest too much in you. Quite a few of you mean so much to me; it feels like I'm taking you too seriously, and I'm embarrassed about it. I shouldn't be, but I am. It has always seemed pathetic to me to care a lot about someone who cares only a little about you. And I don't know how to explain this without sounding whiny, so let me just say that this is not a plea for more attention... it's just me fighting with myself on how much it is okay for me to love people I've never met.

One of you I just recently friended (less than two months ago), and even though you haven't posted a lot of soul-exposing stuff in the short time that we've been friended, I feel like I have a really good feel for the person who you are, and I adore you. I'd love to have you come stay a week with me -- and by all accounts I know you not at all.

Does anyone else ever fall in love with people by mere intuition?

Maybe I'm feeling like this because I'm depressed -- hopefully my feelings on this will change when I climb back up to stability.

feelings: uncomfortable
connecting:

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Comments
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juansrx ══╣╠══
You`re the only one who knows the best desition...
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
thank you.
oblyvia ══╣╠══
There are definitely some LJ friends I have that I care deeply for. I'm not sure exactly what you're asking here, so I don't know how to answer...but yes, I care about my LJ friends in a similar way to how I care about my "real" friends.
belenen ══╣shimmering╠══
I consider some of my LJ friends to be real friends -- what is scary to me is the idea that maybe they don't consider me to be a real friend. But a lot of that was just my depression talking, now that I'm a bit more stable I'm not so afraid. Even if I do love them more than they do me, what's the harm in that?
acid_burns ══╣╠══
I care a great deal about certain lj friends of mine.

But just so you know, never stop being who you are for the sake of what you think other people want from you. You'll lose yourself that way. No people, in here or in real life, is worth that. You are all that you have, at the end of the day.
oblyvia ══╣╠══
Well said! I think about a similar phrase often: you are the only one that has to be with you through your entire life.

I care for all my friends, but I do not censor myself for them. I am who I am, and they will either accept that or not.
acid_burns ══╣╠══
phrankenstyne ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣╠══
abstractfish ══╣╠══
I adore you. maybe you need more faith in yourself and your friends. you need to trust yourself to trust your friends. I want uncensored bel!
oblyvia ══╣╠══
That's a great sentiment too! I tend to love my friends more the more uncensored they are!
belenen ══╣╠══
bluebl00d ══╣╠══
We are given a powerful tool, the internet. It's giving us the opportunity to talk and make friends with people we normally wouldn't even hear of. And if it wouldn't be for this invention, I would be missing out on the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm so thankful for that, and I do understand wheer you stand. When my computer crashed and burned, unable to communicate with you guys it made me go nuts.

I too value some of my lj friends opinion, more so than the people around me. Maybe because they have a better perspective. I share so much with you guys, things I don't really share with my closest friends.

Nea and I hit it off from the very first time we exchanged comments and replies on a community. So yeah it is possible to fall in love with people by mere intuition.

I hope you feel better soon.
belenen ══╣shimmering╠══
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts. It's good to know that I'm not alone on this. ;-)
wandrlost ══╣╠══
no, intuition is a strong tool. i have made some very important friends over the internet -- and one lover, if truth be known.

we are in a new age, with a new set of rules when it comes to communicating.

and, please, don't stop posting.
belenen ══╣shimmering╠══
Thank you. Just thank you.
writer_lilies ══╣╠══
I adore everyone on my friends list or else I wouldn't be friends with them. There's nothing wrong with feeling that way. Censoring yourself doesn't help anyone and only leads to depression. That's from personal experience.

And now, I shall attempt to help lift your mood with silliness: A link!
Laughter cures a lot of things.

Chocolate helps too.
belenen ══╣gentle╠══
Heh heh, your link did make me laugh and cheer me, thank you!
perilousdreamer ══╣Dream For The Stars-Icon Goddess╠══
I think it's ok to be attached to LJ friends. Sometimes it's just alot easier to talk to a person who you can't see. When you talk to someone face to face, you're looking into their eyes and thinking that it's possible they're judging you, whereas LJ friends aren't like that. They're here to give support and comfort and it doesn't matter what they're thinking at that point in time, only what they typed. It's easy to get caught up in that, but don't lose yourself in the process. And LJ may be a blessing in disguise. While I may not know each and every person on my list personally, it's alot easier for me to relate the events of my day or things about myself that I might feel stupid revealing to someone face to face. With LJ, we're able to get alot of built up anger and anxiety and tension out into the open without having to feel really guilty about it.
belenen ══╣shimmering╠══
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I agree that it is easier to open up on LJ -- and I have found that by taking my first steps to openness here, it's easier to be open with those I know in real life too.
maladroitkat ══╣╠══
I think I know how you feel. I've made a lot of private posts in the past, because I'm worried about offending people. I know I shouldn't care because it's my journal, but I do. There a lot of LJ friends that I'm really attached to--you're one of them--and I'd hate to lose that.

You're not alone, m'dear. Take care.
belenen ══╣analytical╠══
Well, you needn't worry about offending me. The only way you could really offend me is if you tried -- like if you said nasty things about me, which I can't see you doing. I've learned that it is a stupid waste of my energy to be offended that others don't share my opinions or viewpoints. ;-) If you have people that you think would be offended, maybe you should make a custom filter or something...

Thanks for commenting, it's good to know I'm not alone! *hugs*
onlyforward ══╣╠══
Not that anyone asked my opinion or even invited me here, but I think I can empathize with what you're saying...

When you first start writing, you don't have much of an audience, and you're at your most raw and honest. And people respond to that. And you learn to appreciate the audience...we all want to know that we're being heard. And feedback is an essential part of that.

After awhile, people start to believe that they know you and what's best for you...so they'll be bolder in telling you what they think. That's all well and good, and I suppose there's really no stopping them. But what originally drew them to you in the first place WAS your candor and your willingness to lay it on the line...

...so if you take that away and just give people what they want, well...there's no fun in that.

Most rational people are not going to defriend you if you're honest. Those are the most fascinating journals...and we're all flawed, hypocritical idiots at some point, and most comments are not the best thought out reponses.

But those that truly care about you will not leave you, regardless of what you write...and sometimes you just need the opportunity to weed the others out.
belenen ══╣passionate╠══
Thank you, and that is very true about needing the opportunity to weed the others out... I was really surprised at how few left and who they were when I posted my political post the other day.
eternitywaiting ══╣╠══
A friend is not a friend if you have to censor yourself around them. Friends should love you for the real you, not someone you pretend to be.

That said, I feel it's very possible to develop real friendships online. Most of my best friends are people I met online, and I wouldn't give them up for the world. I don't feel as if our friendship is any less real, or anything to be embarassed about just because we didn't meet in the flesh-and-blood world.

Quite a few of you mean so much to me; it feels like I'm taking you too seriously, and I'm embarrassed about it. I shouldn't be, but I am. It has always seemed pathetic to me to care a lot about someone who cares only a little about you.

A main problem with that comment is that you're assuming that people aren't caring as much about you as you are about them. You can't take a real friend too seriously, so I think your problem lies more in maybe not knowing who your real friends are apart from the people who just read your journal and think you're really awesome (as there is a distinct difference). Maybe making your journal friends-only and limiting your list would be a better option than shutting everyone out.

For the record, if you ever feel you're taking me too seriously, you can stop, because I take our friendship very seriously, and there's not a damn thing you can do to stop me. :-P
belenen ══╣shimmering╠══
For the record, if you ever feel you're taking me too seriously, you can stop, because I take our friendship very seriously, and there's not a damn thing you can do to stop me.

awwww.... I love you too, Anika. ;-)

A friend is not a friend if you have to censor yourself around them. Friends should love you for the real you, not someone you pretend to be.

I agree 100%!
darkpool ══╣╠══
Maybe you should do a few friends only or private posts. Openness is good, but one shouldnt be open about everything all the time. You can still be very open if you post some things privately. Also maybe you should post in your prayer journal more? Since that's more private.
belenen ══╣honesty╠══
Well, it isn't really about privacy, it's about me wondering whether I should let myself love all of you... but that was mainly my insecurity talking, and now that I feel more stable I'm not really so worried about it.
misemifein2 ══╣╠══
OH what to say.

Think you can possibly know you'll like a person, from intuition. But then again, I'm not sure. But I think you can know a person just from reading their journal, perhaps, more likely. Not if they censor themselves though, not as well.

Care about the opinions of people you are sure care about you, perhaps. Not wrong? I think people you know only over the internet, friends, can be as much friends as people you know in life. Different kind, maybe. Maybe some friends could have on the internet but would not work in life. That's ok. Friendship things, got to care.

If you made your journal private then I would want to keep in touch with you by email, I would wonder how you were getting on. But your journal makes it easier for me to see how you are doing, and other people who care about you. It's an easier way to keep in touch. I don't know.

The internet makes it difficult to tell how people mean things, especially people who aren't great with their words, I don't think I am. Then it is all uncertain. Or fake sincerity. Maybe you feel embarrassed because you mean it, but you are not sure if others do? Unless it is just because the whole society saying that internet friendships are inferior.

You know you have to be uncensored, because you are wanting to be open? In this journal. And that's one of your big attractions, that you'll share things that other people maybe wouldn't, your honesty. Something that makes you totally original, or so I've seen so far. And people will disagree maybe, and you might get bad opinions, but if you are being all honest and free and how you want to be, then that shouldn't matter.

Your honesty and openess made me, makes me, want to be honest back. You are the only person I would ever tell certain things too, because that how I'd like a friend to be.

Maybe it is like wanting to be popular? You are good at making yourself popular. Like you wrote in your life story, that bit of it. Do you ever read back over that yourself? I have read it back a couple of times in the past, after learning more about you now, trying to get to know you. You are a fascinating person. I disagree with you on so many things, as well, I'm sure. So partly I study you, but I care about you too. It is difficult to know how to support you, sort of, not that you need it. You're older than me, I'm pretty young and innocent really and sometimes I get above myself, or wrapped up in myself. Nor do I make sure to put aside time to reply to your comments, when they do mean a lot to me as I read them. I don't feel that I am a good friend like that, feel guilty.

Yet again I'm commenting with no idea where I'm going with it. Not at all helpful of me.

I saw a book today in the library that I wanted you to see. It was called bellydancing, can't remember who by. I'm not sure, but it didn't look like it was so much teaching people moves, it was more a sort of book about how bellydancing gives women expression, sort of. I would've got it out but I didn't have my library card, it looked good. Next time I go into town I'l ltake my card and have a read of it, let you know if it is any good and the author. This is kind of tagged on at the end, it's just I saw it and immediately thought of you, so had to tell you about it.
belenen ══╣comfort╠══
wow, thank you so much. It means a lot that you'd want to keep in touch via email if I left LJ. Really really it does. And yes your comment was helpful, it was very encouraging when I first read it and it encourages me when I re-read it. ;-)

It makes me happy that that book made you think of me. ;-) If you do check it out, do tell me if it's any good.

Thank you for taking the time to tell me your thoughts. *hug*
misemifein2 ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣╠══
evileve ══╣╠══
I can't read any of the comments! The text is too light.

Anyway, I think you have nothing to worry about- and you can always be yourself.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
It was an IE bug that was making my translucent background look opaque, but I got rid of the background.

Thanks for the encouragement. ;-)
amazedcreation ══╣cappucino╠══
There are so many reasons why I understand what you are feeling completely. I haven't posted much lately (or for that matter, even openly posted that I'm living in Florida), because there is one person I really don't want to know that. But really, I'm tired of doing that. I used to love being completely open on LJ and now I don't feel like I can. I hate that beyond words actually. Anyways, I will never think anything less of you for what you post, you have a right to post whatever you want to! I will love you just the same because you are amazing, and creative, and intelligent. ((And though those seem conditional, I really mean that nothing is going to change my "opinion" of you as a sister in Christ and a friend - even an "internet" friend.))
belenen ══╣gentle╠══
Thank you for the affirmation. ;-) It means a lot to me.
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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.