July 2017
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I will be transparent! / Ben filled up my spirit today


friendlocking= no lika dat.

My most important point in this journal is to learn to be totally transparent {in a forum which allows me to delete responses I don't like}. Also to make myself write something (no matter how small or dumb) everyday and to help my reallife friends understand me better by means of the first reason. So friendlocking is not something I use. I might if I post poetry, but I doubt it. If my bioparents and/or siblings stumble across it, they'll be too wierded out to approach me about it anyway.

My spirit was hurting, and I was laying on my bed, mourning in my half-moaning-half-singing way, and Ben simply held me and loved me until my spirit stopped crying. Usually, if my spirit is hurting and someone tries to comfort me, one of two things happens; 1) the person loses patience or sympathy and gives up, or 2) I make my spirit shut up and lock the pain back up so that my comforter will feel like they did a good job making me feel better. Thus, usually my spirit's pain is not comforted. But Ben held me until my spirit stopped crying, and then he kept holding me until my spirit actually was able to absorb the love. It's as if comforters put a cast on my brokenness -- Ben used the magic of love to actually heal it.

feelings: healed


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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.