July 2017
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Johari window meme / telling negatives / selfishness vs. honoring others


If I have missed anyone's Johari window, let me know so I can do it. ;-) I think I've done it for over 30 people now, so it's hard to keep track.

I refuse to do anyone's 'Nohari window' (the negative version), because I think that telling people negatives about themselves almost always causes a great deal more damage than good. The only time criticism is actually helpful is when a person has already decided to change in an area and is looking for HOW to change. A person has to come to the realization of their need for change on their own, or the change won't be permanent or thorough. You will realize your need to grow when you are ready to act on it -- which is why we are usually blind to most of our flaws. If we could see them all we'd be overwhelmed... and usually the 'flaws' we can see are imagined, I think. Everytime I hear a friend go on and on about a 'failing,' they are almost always laughably wrong. It's usually something that is very important to them, and so they have a fear of failure about it -- but it's usually one of their strengths.

For myself (and I write this while worrying that someone's going to say, "actually, you're totally right about failing in that area, you selfish hag"), I've been called selfish/self-centered/inconsiderate all my life by family and those who called themselves family, so it has unfortunately become part of my self-image -- but logically, I don't think that I am selfish. I have a certain amount of self-interest of course, but in my mind selfish means wanting to benefit myself always, no matter the expense of others. Selfishness requires a lack of concern for other humans, it requires you to consider yourself more important. It is incompatible with having a deep respect for the sacred spirit within every person. When you look at people and see how incredibly valuable their individual light is, you can't help but want the best for them. (with some people it is harder to see that light, heh, but it's still there) You want to offer any help you can, even to personal sacrifice, because you want to see that light bloom, grow to it's full beauty. And honestly I do see that sacred beauty in many people, so logically I can't be very selfish. But still... some people think selfishness is considering yourself important at all, and that I definitely do. I don't consider myself more important than others, but I don't see others as more important than myself, either. That would be hypocritical of me. We all have that God-spark, and he didn't give more to some and less to others... and after all he did say love others the same way you love yourself, not more nor less.

Writing this has given me an overwhelming feeling of love for all of you. ;-) I should reflect on your incredible beauty more often. Thank you so much for being a part of my life -- you all bless me just by being YOU. ♥
sounds: Frou Frou: "Let Go"
connecting: ,


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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.