January 2018
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marriage update! eee! My husband is the BESTESTEST MAN EVER.

Ben and I have really re-bonded recently. It's a beautiful thing... I'm falling in love with him all over again. He truly is amazing. I think God gave him such a near-perfect childhood so that he could be stable enough to handle all of MY fucked-up-ness. I can't even imagine two me's in a relationship. *shudder* No other person, NO PERSON, could be as supportive and faithful and loving as he has been. Mother Theresa would be impressed -- and I mean it. I don't say that lightly.

I think it really helped that I was sick and ended up not working for 5 days in a row (three were scheduled off and the other two I didn't work because I was sick), so we actually got to spend some time together for the first time in a loooooong time. I HAVE to get my schedule changed -- I had no idea just how little time we spend together, and how much that affects us. When I'm awake, I'm either working or he's asleep, and vice versa. We get maybe 14 hours a week together and that's just not enough, especially since at least 5 of those are spent doing stuff other than focusing on each other.

It also helped that he changed his expectations about sex. He never was demanding, but he was often disappointed (by the frequency, not quality), and that put a LOT of pressure on me. So he chose to expect nothing -- which didn't change how often it actually happened, but DID remove the pressure I felt. It's a subconscious thing but it made a huge difference. And oh-my-God sex is so much more fun now.

And I know beyond any doubt that Ben would never ever cheat on me. Not even if a girl that he found attractive in every way (physically, spiritually, etc.) was naked and begging him and he could be certain that I'd never find out. How do I know this?

Because before we were legally married, I wanted to have sex with him, desperately. (I believe that marriage is a spiritual bond and I don't see any relevance in a piece of paper or legality) But he thought we should wait. And he is so amazingly strong when he believes something that he did not give in, even when I was mostly naked, grinding on his lap, touching him and moaning and begging for it, literally. He is the strongest man that exists, period.

And since we're getting into TMI, that restraint isn't because of lack of desire or ability. He's a very, very virile man. and every time we've had sex I've had at least one orgasm, often two. He's incredible.

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lilerthkwake ══╣╠══
I'm so happy for you.

It's so true that marriages take time. You need time together to enjoy each other in order for it to work. Hope you guys are able to find/make the time to be together to continue improving your relationship.

And you're right: even just normal desire from a guy can be conveyed to a woman as pressure. I know that feeling well.
belenen ══╣connate╠══
♥ thank you for sharing my joy!
chillychilly22 ══╣╠══
You don't know how happy I am that you guys are re-bonding. :D
belenen ══╣loving╠══
it means a lot that you would feel that and take the time to tell me. ♥
darkpool ══╣╠══
I'm glad to hear that you guys got to rebond. You definetly need to try to get your schedule changed. Not spending time together is not good.
belenen ══╣honesty╠══
oh, so true. It's a bit better now just because we've been MAKING time.
paradigm_shift ══╣╠══
I'm so glad you two got to spend some quality time together. That is sooooo important.
belenen ══╣loving╠══
yes it is... thank you so much for being happy for me ♥
sidheblessed ══╣╠══
I'm very hapy for the both of you - you and Ben are lucky to have each other!
belenen ══╣amused╠══
hell yeah we are! ;-D
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.