December 2017
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31


the balance of honesty and compassion / my Cobra awakens / compassion = respecting others' pain


I have been just... FIREY lately. It's like I had to restrain all of my fire for a while so that I could learn how to use it properly, and now I have learned enough to let it (mostly) free again. I think it is very important to be honest, but also very important to be compassionate, and balancing those two qualities can be difficult.

In this struggle for balance, I have learned the supreme importance of vagueness. If someone shows me, say, a painting that holds great importance to them and I find it utterly hideous, I don't have to describe in detail how just glancing at it makes me want to throw up on it just to make it more attractive. Instead, I can just scrunch up my face and say, "I don't really like it." Usually they don't ask for more detail because my facial expression is eloquent enough. So I am getting across how I truly feel, without saying something that would hurt (it might hurt just that I don't like it, but I'd rather unintentionally hurt someone than deliberately deceive them with a lie they would like). I think it's honest to give someone a watered-down version of your opinion, as long as it still gives them the correct basic impression.

I've been overly watered down for a good while, and I am now realizing that part of that was because I was afraid of offending certain people (although some of it was because of genuine good will). But it was a good discipline, and I'm glad I chose it -- and I'm glad I'm out now. I feel so incredibly strong: my inner cobra has re-awakened. People will always take offense, no matter how delicately you tread, and I am not the type to enjoy treading delicately. I quite enjoy stomping. *stomp stomp* But I shall try to reserve my stomping for lies, not the people who believe in them. It's often a hard line to draw, and I am sure I will fail many times. But I'm willing to err on both sides now, rather than only on the side of caution/compassion -- I'm also willing to err on the side of too-blunt.

Speaking of compassion, I think possibly the strongest measurement of compassion is how you respect other's pain. If you tell someone to 'suck it up,' you are invalidating their pain, when you have no idea what they are going through. Everyone is different, everyone has different sore points. Obviously if someone high-fives a healthy person, it's not going to bother them one bit. But if that person happens to have a hand with several broken bones, the pain will incapacitate them. So if someone cries because a stranger gave them a dirty look, that doesn't mean they are 'oversensitive' -- it means that they have so much other pain in their life that that one act just made it too much. I don't believe there is a such thing as 'oversensitive' as it relates to pain. If you feel something, you feel it, and you can't control it so obviously you can't feel 'wrongly' or 'too much.' (however, I do think people can be oversensitive as relates to offense, because offense IS something you control and choose) I used to be the type of person who would think "omg, I can't believe you're upset over that" because I used to stifle all of my own feelings so I expected others to do likewise, and if they didn't then they were 'weak' or 'oversensitive.' I am so. fucking. glad. that I am no longer that person. I am unashamed of my own pain -- even to the point of shedding tears in public -- and because of that, I can respect other people's pain.



Feel
by Michelle Tumes


Hark! The wind of passion
swiftly weaving over your soul
Bless the surge of thunder rolling onto your shore
Greet the deep emotion
That sleeps beneath the ocean floor
Watch elation bound, release its furious roar

Feel! Feel! Feel! Feel what you long to
Feel! Feel! Feel! Feel what you long to
feel

Pound the sands of courage
Reach for clouds that cover the foam
Dance with bold expression
Leaping from silent abodes
Face the wild commotion
Free restraint and struggle no more

Let the moon raise all that
Dwells in the tides of your core

Feel! Feel! Feel! Feel what you long to
Feel! Feel! Feel! Feel what you long to
feel

Weep, sigh, laugh, cry
Flee from the snares that wish to deny
how you feel
Hope, live, love, yearn
And feel, feel what you long to


(let me know if the download runs out and you want to hear it)

sounds: Michelle Tumes: "Feel"
connecting: , , , ,

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Comments
catwingz ══╣╠══
Thank you so much for sharing this song! It's quite beautiful, and I'm glad I know about this artist now.

There have been several times when I wish I could pour out my love for someone, but I fear it might have overwhelmed them, since I can be very quietly, very crazy over them and they have no idea. I am fine with sharing my feelings in public, although sometimes I hate when I cry from disappointment.
belenen ══╣connate╠══
*hug* I am glad it meant something to you. ♥

One day I will be strong enough to pour out all my love without fear. That is such a goal of mine!
hottergirl01 ══╣white rose╠══
i like you.
you're cool to understand stuff like that. no one ever really thinks like that anymore. it's a dying thing.
belenen ══╣amused╠══
Re: i like you.
hee thank you! ♥
kmiotutsie ══╣╠══
omg bel, how perfect to see this right here and now! i was supposed to go to this party tonight, but when i went to met all my friends this girl joanna (whom i might have mentioned a few times in recent entries and might not have-- i try not to talk shit too much if i can help it) anyway, she was there and i was sweet to her like i always am and she totally shot me down like she's been doing lately and it made me feel like shit: my mood was completely deflated, IMMEDIATELY. i sat there like, wtf, and finally i had to leave, i just got up and left without saying anything to anyone and i've been ignoring my phone like a bratty emo kid, but being around her just DRAINS me.

anyway, i have no idea how all that exactly relates, let me read back...
...oh yes, it was about being vague, but explaining how it relates is way too much background to put in a comment, so i'll just leave it at: i totally feel ya. if i were next to you i'd put my head on your shoulder right here. *whimpers* i need a hug... =)
belenen ══╣comfort╠══
awww I wish I could have given you a hug then, or at least have freaking commented back. :-( I'm so bad.

But regardless of my lackingness, you are beautiful in every way possible and I love you so much! ♥
kmiotutsie ══╣╠══
that's ok, i snapped'ed out of it and then during our next screaming fight (the last of them) she apologized for being such a callous bitch. we are on speaking terms now, but i don't even really *like* spending time with her anymore and i don't trust her at all. idk. we'll probably know eachother forever, but we'll never be as close again
camilleyun ══╣Adrien╠══
connected
What you've said about pain resonates so much with me I want to make myself cat-sized and curl up in your lap.
belenen ══╣comfort╠══
Re: connected
well, I can't magic you cat-sized or here, but if you come visit me I would looooooove to pet your hair if you curl up and lay your head in my lap. *huggggg* ♥ ♥ ♥
musicwench ══╣╠══
I'm GLAD you're firey again! I think you're onto something in terms of vagueness - i've been reading British novels and thinking about "social conventions" - the things you do to be polite and to spare people's feelings, and when that's ok..

and to thank you for lovely posts .... here are some Angelina Jolie icons that I found...
http://foxglove-icons.livejournal.com/58706.html#cutid1
belenen ══╣loving╠══
awwww thank you! I consider it such a compliment when someone sees Angelina and thinks of me. :-)
sidheblessed ══╣╠══
Speaking of compassion, I think possibly the strongest measurement of compassion is how you respect other's pain. If you tell someone to 'suck it up,' you are invalidating their pain, when you have no idea what they are going through. Everyone is different, everyone has different sore points. Obviously if someone high-fives a healthy person, it's not going to bother them one bit. But if that person happens to have a hand with several broken bones, the pain will incapacitate them. So if someone cries because a stranger gave them a dirty look, that doesn't mean they are 'oversensitive' -- it means that they have so much other pain in their life that that one act just made it too much. I don't believe there is a such thing as 'oversensitive' as it relates to pain. If you feel something, you feel it, and you can't control it so obviously you can't feel 'wrongly' or 'too much.'

That is how feel precisely.
belenen ══╣connate╠══
darkpool ══╣╠══
In nursing we learn that pain is whatever the eperincing person says it is, existing wherever they say it exists.
belenen ══╣amused╠══
well at least they TEACH that, even if some doctors don't seem to listen!
darkpool ══╣╠══
Well they teach it in nursing school. I don't know about what they teach docotrs, and a nurse said it not a doctor.
talkingpotato ══╣╠══
As you well know, I totally agree with you here. It is truly all about balance.

The Sufis advise us to speak only after our words have managed to pass through three gates. At the first gate, we ask ourselves,"Are these words true?" If so, we let them pass on; If not, back they go. At the second gate, we ask, "Are they necessary?" At the last gate, we ask, "Are they kind?"
- Eknath Easwaran <-- I love that quote, and I try to follow it.
belenen ══╣nascent╠══
I've often thought of that since you posted it. Thank you for that jewel of wisdom. ♥
talkingpotato ══╣╠══
I'm very glad to have passed it on. Sometimes I read so many books, it's hard for me to retain things, but that always stuck with me.
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.