July 2017
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the balance of honesty and compassion / my Cobra awakens / compassion = respecting others' pain


I have been just... FIREY lately. It's like I had to restrain all of my fire for a while so that I could learn how to use it properly, and now I have learned enough to let it (mostly) free again. I think it is very important to be honest, but also very important to be compassionate, and balancing those two qualities can be difficult.

In this struggle for balance, I have learned the supreme importance of vagueness. If someone shows me, say, a painting that holds great importance to them and I find it utterly hideous, I don't have to describe in detail how just glancing at it makes me want to throw up on it just to make it more attractive. Instead, I can just scrunch up my face and say, "I don't really like it." Usually they don't ask for more detail because my facial expression is eloquent enough. So I am getting across how I truly feel, without saying something that would hurt (it might hurt just that I don't like it, but I'd rather unintentionally hurt someone than deliberately deceive them with a lie they would like). I think it's honest to give someone a watered-down version of your opinion, as long as it still gives them the correct basic impression.

I've been overly watered down for a good while, and I am now realizing that part of that was because I was afraid of offending certain people (although some of it was because of genuine good will). But it was a good discipline, and I'm glad I chose it -- and I'm glad I'm out now. I feel so incredibly strong: my inner cobra has re-awakened. People will always take offense, no matter how delicately you tread, and I am not the type to enjoy treading delicately. I quite enjoy stomping. *stomp stomp* But I shall try to reserve my stomping for lies, not the people who believe in them. It's often a hard line to draw, and I am sure I will fail many times. But I'm willing to err on both sides now, rather than only on the side of caution/compassion -- I'm also willing to err on the side of too-blunt.

Speaking of compassion, I think possibly the strongest measurement of compassion is how you respect other's pain. If you tell someone to 'suck it up,' you are invalidating their pain, when you have no idea what they are going through. Everyone is different, everyone has different sore points. Obviously if someone high-fives a healthy person, it's not going to bother them one bit. But if that person happens to have a hand with several broken bones, the pain will incapacitate them. So if someone cries because a stranger gave them a dirty look, that doesn't mean they are 'oversensitive' -- it means that they have so much other pain in their life that that one act just made it too much. I don't believe there is a such thing as 'oversensitive' as it relates to pain. If you feel something, you feel it, and you can't control it so obviously you can't feel 'wrongly' or 'too much.' (however, I do think people can be oversensitive as relates to offense, because offense IS something you control and choose) I used to be the type of person who would think "omg, I can't believe you're upset over that" because I used to stifle all of my own feelings so I expected others to do likewise, and if they didn't then they were 'weak' or 'oversensitive.' I am so. fucking. glad. that I am no longer that person. I am unashamed of my own pain -- even to the point of shedding tears in public -- and because of that, I can respect other people's pain.



Feel
by Michelle Tumes


Hark! The wind of passion
swiftly weaving over your soul
Bless the surge of thunder rolling onto your shore
Greet the deep emotion
That sleeps beneath the ocean floor
Watch elation bound, release its furious roar

Feel! Feel! Feel! Feel what you long to
Feel! Feel! Feel! Feel what you long to
feel

Pound the sands of courage
Reach for clouds that cover the foam
Dance with bold expression
Leaping from silent abodes
Face the wild commotion
Free restraint and struggle no more

Let the moon raise all that
Dwells in the tides of your core

Feel! Feel! Feel! Feel what you long to
Feel! Feel! Feel! Feel what you long to
feel

Weep, sigh, laugh, cry
Flee from the snares that wish to deny
how you feel
Hope, live, love, yearn
And feel, feel what you long to


(let me know if the download runs out and you want to hear it)
sounds: Michelle Tumes: "Feel"
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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.