July 2017
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work happenings -- age changes, pretty & overweight, debra


A lady in (seemingly) her mid-forties was buying clothes. She laughed and seemed to apologize, saying that her clothes no longer fit, pulling at her waistband. That's such a BIG deal to so many people. The media just brainwashes you into believing in the power of numbers (my pastor once went off on a rant about how numbers in general are how satan operates -- God works in the indefinables, and considers each person a name, not a number. I'm taking that waaaaaaaay out of context, but it rang very true with me despite it's seeming silliness. God didn't tell Adam and Eve to count the animals, after all, but to name them.). I wanted so much to say something along the lines of, "Your body is supposed to change and fluctuate, we are not static creatures, and change is positive," but of course THEN I didn't have it all thought out, and I couldn't think of the right way to say it to make it seem positive to her. It is perfectly natural and beautiful for your body to change as you age, but even saying 'as you age' would be taken as an insult by a lot of women. I do not fear age. I really really don't. I hate that women allow themselves to be pressured into believing that they are supposed to stay 15 forever. We are WOMEN, not eternal children, we mature and grow. We are flexible, shifting BEINGS, not concrete objects. Age means more experience and hopefully more wisdom! There is nothing 'shameful' about it, it's like getting your degree in life. It's an honor.

Another lady was overweight but so lovely, she just had such dainty, sweet, pretty facial features and such a gentle, kind spirit. So I debated and struggled within myself because I wasn't sure what to say and there was a (stereotypically attractive) girl standing within hearing range, and for whatever reason that made me shy -- and then as I handed her receipt to her I just blurted out, "I think when you think something nice about someone you should say it, so I think you are very pretty." Clumsyclumsy and then I got all flustered and embarrassed when she said, "Well thank you, I don't feel it right now. . . Thank you." and my mind went spinning in a million directions and my heart was pounding as I tried to think of the best way to help her believe, and of course it wasn't until after she left that I realized I should have said, "Well, I said it because I truly meant it." dammit! Hopefully it sunk in anyway.

The other day I was closing down my drawer when Debra, a new manager, came over and asked if someone was coming to replace me. I said no and she nodded and started to move off hesitantly, but on impulse I stopped her and said, "I don't think we've met, I'm Krista." (which I never do, and don't know why I did it then) We shook hands (she over-squeezed, heh, like I used to do to prove I had more power than the other person) and she said that she was sure we had met somewhere before, but I was equally sure that we hadn't. But then it occurred to me that she may have seen me at church, so I asked if she went to church. She said she did, but just moved to the area and hadn't found one yet, so I invited her to mine. She said, "really?" and then she had to go do manager things but she said we'll talk later. I think that when you meet someone and feel strongly like you know them, but you haven't actually met them or known someone who looked a lot like them, then that is a sign that you were friends in heaven before birth (I still haven't posted my beliefs on that, but hopefully I will soon). Me reaching out to her without even thinking about it makes it even more likely.

Then today when I went on break, she happened to be in the break room and she stopped me and asked if I was going to be in the fashion show tomorrow morning. I said I hadn't heard anything about it and she said "nobody asked you?" in this appalled tone, which almost made me giggle (and made me a little embarrassed to not have been asked, WTF is that?). Then she told me about it, kinda stumblingly because she'd been at work for 13 hours (she said) and was exhausted. I asked if she was going to do it and she said she was, and I told her that I might be going to the Rennaisance Festival tomorrow, but if I didn't, I'd probably do the fashion show.

I am wary of work friendships because I want to be utterly honest in my friendships and I can't with work friends because I do not want work to know about the fact that I model nude. Bah. But then, Debra doesn't strike me as a gossipy person at ALL, so who knows?

I also, on impulse, went up to Ansley and told her that I think she just has such a bright, wonderful sweet spirit and I really admire that. She said "thank you so much, I needed to hear that. It's been a long day" (paraphrased).

I love how I am learning to believe in my instincts!

P.S. THANK YOU for all of the awesome questions!!!!! You're really making me think. Eventually I want to post answers to all of them. If you didn't give me a question, here's a second chance. ;-)
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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.