November 2017
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stop speaking in double negatives or I'll add one and make you very negative, dammit!


I can't stand it when people speak in double negatives just to avoid using a positive. And as a cashier, I have to swallow my snippy retort about 20 times a day.
I ask "How's your day been?" and what do I get?
"Not bad." "Can't complain." "I've had worse days." "Not too terrible."
and then sometimes I do get so irritated that I say (in a lighthearted tone of course), "So it's just been sorta terrible?" or "So if it's not bad, that would make it good, right?"
If you've had a bad day, admit it! If you've had a pretty good day, why denigrate it with two negative words instead of one positive? I promise I'm not going to think less of you for almost, sorta-kinda, half-way enjoying life!!!!! It's like we're in such a habit of negativity that positivity is too personal, we have to keep it locked up tight so it doesn't accidentally spread to others, oh no!

I don't have a problem with people being honest when they feel bad. It's the obviously happy (or at least peaceful) people who can't be arsed to speak a positive word even though they feel positive that irritates me. SHARE!

I really think it's mainly due to the media always focusing on the negative. It's become such a part of our culture that we can only understand positivity as LACK of NEGATIVITY. And how can you focus on lack of something? Every ad tells you, "you have this negative, we can take it away" -- whether that supposed negative is too much or too little of something doesn't matter, it's all the same. Every news article is about something negative, usually sensationalized far beyond truth, because truth doesn't sell, shock does. Which is why we need to throw away our TVs and stop buying magazines and learn to think for ourselves, dammit. Learn that positivity is at least as much of a force as negativity, and that we can seek it, and we can focus on it. And that when we share it, it GROWS instead of lessening.

AND let me apply that to body image. Don't say, "even though I don't look like a 'supermodel', I am beautiful" -- the qualifier implies that you are a lesser kind of beautiful. Just say, "I am beautiful." Don't say, "this quality doesn't mean that I'm unattractive" -- say "I am attractive, partially BECAUSE of this quality." My breasts are teardrop shaped, and I like them that way! in fact, I prefer their shape to the baseball shape featured in magazines. My belly is rounded -- again, I prefer it. I like the soft femininity of it. My hips are curvy, my legs are muscular and thick. I'm not beautiful in spite of these qualities, I am beautiful BECAUSE of them.

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Comments
armandii ══╣╠══
HALLELUJAH TO THIS!!!
kevloid2006 ══╣╠══
not too bad of a post. :-D
sidheblessed ══╣╠══
You'd get pretty annoyed in Australia I suspect as it's a national tradition to answer a quesion about how you are by telling them how you're not. Example:
"How are you?"
"Not bad, yourself?"
"Aww, not too shabby."
That said, this Aussie does try her best to answer honestly when asked how she is. If I'm having a rough trot, I tend to force myself to say so.
sidheblessed ══╣╠══
Oh and i very much agree with the "i'm no supermodel but.." comments being very, very frustrating.
acid_burns ══╣allison / and a basket case...╠══
We're like that in Finland, as well. So I'm used to it and I do it myself, and I don't have a problem with it. Thus, I can just say "Not bad", which is way easier to articulate than "I'm alright, but not spectacular."
sidheblessed ══╣╠══
Yep, "not bad," is like the shorthand version of "Well I'm not stupendous but I've had worse days."
invisibleglue ══╣╠══
I do agree with this post, however being positive about your body image and throwing your tv and magazines away may make you feel attractive (and rightly so!), however other people will always continue to be influenced by the media, and you can't force them to do the same thing and rid themselves from magazines promoting illness and low self-esteem. Ok, the obvious thing to do is to distance yourself from these people's views and comments. However, when these people are friends and others that you care about it, it's hard to avoid their views and unbringing. You may be completely comfortable in your body, however it doesn't stop others who aren't as comfortable from hurting you with their words, and making you feel like you shouldn't be comfortable with your body.

I believe this is why many people struggle with self-acceptance. It's not that they can't accept themselves, it's just that relatives and friends can't seem to accept the truth, and accept that you are happy the way that you are.
catwingz ══╣╠══
Well, I can offer up something in regard to this..

You being a cashier, you only see the people who come through your line for what... a couple minutes tops? It's quite likely that they're going to tell their friends how they're doing more than they'll tell someone they see in a work setting.

That said, I can understand where you are coming from. It brings to mind people who are just barely on the positive side, or perhaps they're thinking that if they boast about feeling good, there will be repercussions (which I think was a sort of backwards view on religion that hasn't died out yet). Also, some people feel uncomfortable sharing their state of well-being with others because they're not familiar with them, or they may not be sure of themselves.

I wouldn't take it personally. I do agree with you on the beautiful thing though-- that really annoys me when people can't see their inherent beauty.
augustupasleeve ══╣╠══
YES. yesyesyesyesyes.
Thank you so much for posting this. What you said about happiness and positivity being so personal these days that it has to be locked away... really hits me hard. I feel the exact same way. I so dislike how closed everyone is. I always feel taken aback when it takes someone ELSE aback, just because I compliment them. Like, strangers. It seems like so foreign...

And I also, REALLY, dislike... when people say... "I may not be ___ but I'm still ___". No! That just implies that you've been in a position where you've HAD to compensate to be as good, because by default you're not. And it simply isn't true.

shadow_vagabond ══╣╠══
another rant
so, you don't like double negatives, ayh?

you don't seem to like implied messages either.

it's fantastic that you feel that way.

blunt people are interesting. bold and unafraid is the way to go these days, although I don't think it matters what people say anymore.

Why don't we all climb onto our roofs and scream at the top of our lungs all the honest things we wanted to say from the very beginning? Think it'll make grey days more black and fair skies more clear? I'm afraid not.




shadow_vagabond ══╣wolf pup╠══
good day
you know what, I'm sorry. Please forgive me for being rude.

You are a very beautiful person and there has not been a single person in this world like you or will there ever be.

Your unique and inspiring character affects so many people at so many different levels, almost as if you were an angel. This isn't flattery, I'm so serious, it hurts.

I hope with all my heart that your life would be covered in blessings, smiles, and sweet joy! Good day, belenen, and many more to come. Cheers!
mimimandy ══╣╠══
lol you'd love my mother. She loves to talk to cashiers and strangers in the store. And whenever the cashier asks how her day was my mom goes into great detail as if they were her long lost best friend. I find it adorable although my gramma seems to find it annoying, I think it has a lot to do with mannerisms and the age gap or something. -shrugs-
camilleyun ══╣╠══
I think most people are conditioned to "How are you?", "I am fine" as standard society niceties which is really annoying. I have actually not experienced anyone tell me anything other than "fine".

I fantasize about having some witty retort just to catch people off guard but I don't really have any.

Someone once tested to see if the person asking them was listening by saying "I want to kill myself" in response to the question of "How are you?" and the lady asking her said "Oh, that's nice!" How ridiculous is that?
inode_finder ══╣╠══
no worry....
meganlynnangela ══╣╠══
we have to be the change we want to see in the world. and you are sooooooooooo good at exemplifying that idea.

keep being amazing and coming up with issues that I would never even think of.
sethsmagic ══╣╠══
LOL i love it my friend. Ive had the same types of people saying the same exact thing when i ask them how they are doing. And i always wondered if it was just walmart customers or not :D

juansrx ══╣lem1╠══
done with logic...
aubkabob ══╣╠══
as a cashier, whenever someone asks me how i'm doing, i respond usually with stuff like "never been better!" or "best day of my life!" or "excited to be here!" if they take it seriously, they actually perk up. if they take it sarcastically, then i get a good laugh out of them, which is good as well.

the response i give that gets thee best response from customers, though, is "livin the dream!" overall, extreme stress aside, i AM living my dream, though a decade later than i had originally planned!
uglyextremity ══╣╠══
hell of a nice post. negativity-- not great. XD

i kind of wish that my figure was a bit more feminine.
"My belly is rounded -- again, I prefer it. I like the soft femininity of it. My hips are curvy, my legs are muscular and thick. I'm not beautiful in spite of these qualities, I am beautiful BECAUSE of them. "
Not rounded belly. Well, i got hte hips and the legs. XD

<3

Sorry that i never comment.
eye_candy33 ══╣╠══
I apologise if this is a bit cheeky, but...
We all have our little bug bears. Mine is people who say pence (the plural) when they should say penny. I've had a look at your user info. You might be interested in my new icon community fluidic_icons. Go along and have a peek. If you like what you see you could join or watch it. I would love to have some more people to share my icons with as I have such fun making them. Hope to see you there :)
thesaj ══╣╠══
Actually, I am quite fond of double-negatives. Perhaps it is due to my Russian blood. (Russian, along with many other languages supports the use of double-negatives and for whatever reason they do make sense to my brain.)

As for the responses....which seems worse?

"Not bad!" (this one negates the negative while leaving opportunity for the positive though without necessarily expressing it actuation)

OR

"Not great!" (this one negates the possibility of being good but not of being bad, and is in fact more negative in interpretation)
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.