July 2017
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Hannah's visit: 2006 -- beginning of feelings


Where to start? Where do you start to tell a lifetime of emotions packed into 18 days? I haven't processed hardly anything, I feel like I am swimming in a sea of emotions that are so blended I can't tell where any of them begin -- and none of them end. So much happened! We were so exhausted by the end that we spent the last three days just kinda laying around. It was all so God, so incredibly planned (though when my plans went awry I freaked out, twice -- strange because I'm usually not so structure-oriented). I am so excited to write about all of it! And we have photos to go with EVERYTHING we did -- over SIX THOUSAND photos, no joke. Including a 'formal' photoshoot, those turned out amaaaaaaaaazing. And hilarious videos but I dunno if Hannah will give me permission to post those (go bug her and mebbe she will). She is SO funny, she had Ben and I laughing all the time. (and all of the videos are accompanied by my giggling)

It was just so mind-alteringly amazing. Everything was intensified -- I felt like there was a violet glow on everything all the time. Hannah and I have color concepts which are very similar (and hopefully I'll explain mine soon) and we consider us both violet spirits. We're especially alike in intensity -- it's hard to explain but basically everything has meaning, and I mean everything. We're both very intense separately, and it's exponentially increased when we're together. We went through unutterable pain and incredible joy on this visit. I've learned so much.

I feel like I've gone through not just one but several metamorphoses and I no longer have any clue what I look like -- hopefully my slow chronicling of the visit will help me process. I've changed so much! I believe Hannah has too. Our relationship is amazingly intense anyway, and we red-lined it by spending 24 hours a day together -- craziness.

Even though so much amazingly positive stuff happened, I think the most important part was the fact that we weathered two dreadfully painful 'fights.' I'm not sure what to call them because they weren't angry, mostly, and they were so intense that to call them fights seems to demean the feeling of them. I don't remember ever being in that much pain... and yet, though I wounded her and vice versa, we made it through, stronger and loving each other more. But I don't want to go deeply into that right now because that's a whole post unto itself.

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! I want to add pics but there are SO MANY!!! *brain explodes* I have to run others by hannah for approval, so for now you get just one three, sorry:


there are sooooooo many kissy pictures -- I'd say half of the ones with hannah and I have one of us kissing the other. ;-) I especially love this one because you can tell that alariya and I are holding back giggles. ♥


sooooooooooooooooo blissful ♥


glowing!


I can't wait to update my icons! But I haven't been able to decide which of the thousands of photos I want to make my new 'bel hearts hannah' icon, and I have to work today so I have to sleep now. Poo on work!


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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.