November 2017
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overwhelmed -- supporting friends, work fury, need rest / song recs poll


I still feel overwhelmed... everyone who is closest to my heart is going through world-shattering things, and I want so much to be there for each of them, but... Hannah lives an ocean away, what can I do? I try but I know all the words in the world can never give as much as a truefelt hug, and that I am cruelly unable to do. Alariya I can be there for, and I do, but all I can do is alleviate a little of the pain and offer her a glimpse of the light in the future -- this is a battle that she must fight within herself. My wonderful Jalshammon (Ben), is starting to live consciously, starting to be more open, and that gives me such hope and pain at the same time because I'd gotten used to living without much sharing in our relationship and seeing this thing I hadn't dared to dream of come within sight, I realize how much I want and need that and how much it hurts that I haven't yet had it. That's a post of its own.

Work is infuriating (and I bite my temper but I know my face shows it), but I finally got my schedule turned in the proper way (a week and a half ago I turned it in but I did it wrong), so it will change soon and I think I will be able to handle the CSMs if I don't have to deal with them so often. In the meantime I'll be looking elsewhere. Still don't have a phone yet.

I haven't been spending much of my energy on myself, just giving out out out and I know I need to be kinder to myself but it's hard... especially since most of my subsconscious energy is spent worrying about Hannah, how can I think of my things when she is suffering so? It's horrible having nothing to offer when my soulfriend is in such need.

I need someone to just hold me and pet my hair and listen to me pour out feelings -- never speaking, just silently loving. I need... rest. yes, I need rest so much. I need a safe place to lay down and feel negativity wash from me with streams of music. I need to be refilled, I feel like I've been pouring endlessly lately and I can actually handle spending that energy (!) but even so I need rest.

was thinking about including music recomendations more often in my LJ, which would interest you more? If you don't care either way, please don't respond.

how should I post song recommendations?

one song with each post, moodwise
16(88.9%)
a group of songs every now and then, organized
2(11.1%)


Recently the song of my life has been Speak To Me by Olive.
speak to me // nothing will help more than your honesty
give to me // knowledge that I can show some sympathy

connecting: , , , ,

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Comments
acid_burns ══╣beautiful in its dark poetry╠══
*hugsyou* ♥ take care of yourself, lovely.
writer_lilies ══╣╠══
I need someone to just hold me and pet my hair and listen to me pour out feelings -- never speaking, just silently loving. I need... rest. yes, I need rest so much. I need a safe place to lay down and feel negativity wash from me with streams of music. I need to be refilled, I feel like I've been pouring endlessly lately and I can actually handle spending that energy (!) but even so I need rest.

I had a dream where you were doing that for me last night. I hope things get better for you.
kevloid2006 ══╣╠══
please don't forget to be good to yourself.
kevloid2006 ══╣╠══
I'm glad you're looking for something else - you haven't been happy working there for a while.
flyingshaman ══╣╠══
If I could send a piece of me the five and half hours down there, I would be there, petting your hair and listening to everything.

{({({({(bigwarmhugstobel})})})})}
darkpool ══╣Bernhard Edmaier╠══
I'm sorry you're having a bad time. Being all tied up with people can be rough sometimes, when you ache for them.

I'm glad your looking for a new job though. I don't know if you know but Walmart is gettting sued by masses of employess in several states for behavior like you have decribed( not letting people take breaks on time etc.).
spindell ══╣╠══
time to STOP

SLOW


REFLECT


BREATHE....

Time for others to give to you. Time to take time for you, and reflect and relax. I'm glad you're not shy to ask for it - there are those around who are more than willing to give you what you need. *hugs*

Time to recharge and refill.... :)
sidheblessed ══╣╠══
*hugs*
kmiotutsie ══╣╠══
i love it that you know olive. my favourite olive track is "you're not alone" i used to listen to that track and cry and cry...
juansrx ══╣╠══
*pet* *pet* *pet* *pet*...(keeps petting)
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.