November 2017
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My get-to-know-you survey, with my answers.


1. first name or preferred nickname: Krista to people who don't read my LJ, Bel (or Belenen) to those who do.

2. what's the story behind your username? Belenen means 'Star of the Waters' on Edheledian, a language I created for a fantasy world. Belenen is the main character of a story I was writing set in that world. When my friend Allison read the story (what I had written so far, anyway), she took to calling me Bel, and later lj-friends started calling me that also. I use 'Belenen' for all of my usernames because it's usually available and it has so much meaning to me.

3. age and sign of the zodiac: 24, VERY Aquarius, Gemini rising, Sagittarius moon.

4. location (state or country): Georgia, the beautiful sunny green-hot state that I will always love

5. where have you spent most of your life? on the east coast of the US -- my dad was in the military so we moved a lot, so I've lived in the north and south, but I consider Georgia my home. I love the warmth of the people and land.

6. what was your childhood like? Lonely, driven, self-hating, angry, cynical. My dad was emotionally, spiritually, verbally, and physically abusive and my mom was emotionally dependent on me and not supportive. I 'raised' my siblings for much of my childhood because my parents treated me as a nanny. I was sexually abused by several people but I'm only sure of one perpetrator -- the others are faceless in my memories. My little sister was sexually abused by my little brother when they were both children, my parents found out and KEPT IT FROM ME because they knew I would have done something (and they continuously villainized DFCS to me 'just in case' I found out, I guess). That completely wrecked my relationship with my little sister because they told her I KNEW and not to talk to me about it, so she couldn't trust me from that point on... I found out after I had moved out of the house, at age 21, when my little sister called me, and I forced them to move my brother out (then age 17) and get everyone into counseling. I only wished I had found out sooner... There were positive elements, but overall I didn't have much of a childhood.

7. if you have a partner/significant other, why are you with hir? yes, I'm with him because we share a vision -- helping each other to learn in order to grow, and to grow in order to love - more deeply, more freely, more openly. We inspire and encourage each other. he has an LJ but doesn't really use it: frenetik

8. what are you most passionate about? equal respect for all human beings regardless of age (meaning not only elderly but also CHILDREN who are disrespected, IMO, more than any other group), race, gender, beliefs, history, appearance, economic status, culture, etc. All discrimination is linked and I want it all gone -- and I believe the way to do this is to realize that we are the all the same at core. I believe that we should celebrate our differences, but never use them as dividing lines. (like wise children, before we teach them that boys and girls should be treated differently) I can't STAND exclusionism. And for myself, I am passionate about love, faith, and growth. Love, because it is the point of my life; growth, because it enables me to love more, deeper, purer; and faith (as the opposite of cynicism or fear), because I believe it is necessary for love and growth.

9. what is your primary goal/purpose in life? to learn, in order to grow, and to grow, in order to love - more deeply, more freely, more openly.

10. which of your qualities are you actively working to improve / focused on right now? I want to love more, deeper, purer; I want to become even more transparent; I want to learn more how to see the core of people and encourage them to be their trueselves; I want to express more creatively; I want to be more approachable and accepting; I want to better recognize opportunities to make connections, and have more courage to follow them; I want to create equality and tear down exclusionism; and I want to help spread the message that beauty is individuality, not conformity to some warped ideal.

11. who inspires you? which people have qualities that you especially admire and what are those qualities in each person? Angelina Jolie; because of the passion she had for honesty and openness, her belief that we are all intensely connected, her compassion for those who are hurting, and her complete acceptance of people regardless of their level of maturity. Adam Sandler; because he has an understanding of the world that leads him to make movies about the natural, easy sacrifice of love, or the importance of living life for love instead of material gain, or the importance of learning who you are as separate from what you do -- WHILE also showing immaturity, and apologizing for none of it. My soulfriend and lover Ben; for having a desire to grow and develop for its own sake, and for being willing to help destroy the societal structure which allows him an easier life than the vast majority of the people in our world, and for being willing to question his own mindsets and having the humility to work on them when they're unhealthy. And all of my LJ friends inspire me in one way or another, but if I go on this will never be done. ;-)

12. if you were a charm on a bracelet, what would you be? a silver waterstar (13-pointed star, lore of my fantasy world) within a vivid-violet tinted clear glass droplet. Or a vivid-violet tinted clear glass droplet with swirls of spring green, vibrant scarlet, and glittery silver. ;-)

13. what do you obsess/get-ridiculously-excited over? GLASS! (seriously, I find it incredibly fascinating, I cried when I found out there had been a huge art glass exhibit downtown and I had missed it), meaning in little things, learning, vivid violet, dragonflies, snow leopards, Angelina Jolie, coffee, beading, reading books that deal with cultures other than mine (both fictional and earthly), Torey Hayden, the l word, used books, new-to-me awesome music, and, well, LJ. heh. ;-)

14. what do you collect? or what would you collect if you could? GLASS! tiny glass things of any shape or color, any art glass, tiny glass bottles, My Little Pony Petites (the inch-tall ones), tiny porcelain vases and bells, Fairy Winkles & Wee Winkles (obviously I love tiny things), anything that is close to vivid violet, tiny pewter unicorns & pegusi, anything ancient-Egyptian-themed, and anything with dragonflies.

15. ignoring all difficulty factors and money, what is your dream occupation? A counselor. And I want to do something with kids, changing culture from the source -- maybe a school. And I want to have my voice out there somehow, I want girls to be able to hear about my path and be inspired to find their own, separate from societal expectations. and I want to be able to work with glass as an art form, not to make money by.

16. how do you identify spiritually (do you follow a religion, what do you think about soul/spirit, etc.) and in what ways do you exercise your beliefs? I don't follow a religion. My ideas of soul, spirit, afterlife, beforelife, deity, etc. are complex and don't come from any book, but from within myself. I do believe that the Bible contains a great deal of very important truth (I don't believe it is all eternal truth), but I don't call myself 'Christian' because I believe a lot of things which the church would disagree with based on their doctrines -- though none of them clash with the Bible itself. (for instance, many denominations teach against homosexuality based on a small handful of verses which have been taken out of context, teach against female leadership, teach that 'saving' people is more important than loving them, etc.) Animism, or the belief that everything has a spirit, is one of my beliefs which would not be approved of by many Christian denominations, despite the fact that quite a few verses suggest such a thing (Isaiah 55:12, Luke 19:40, Psalm 96:12 & 98:8, Matthew 21:19). And I do not believe that God is male or female -- since I haven't yet found the right name, I call hir God/dess. (again, would be 'heretical' to many people -- despite the fact that Hebrew is a gendered language, God/dess is described with both 'masculine' and 'feminine' characteristics, and most of all, ze does not need a penis or vulva!) I also find great truth in ancient Egyptian concepts, especially that of Ma'at, and I am very drawn to some of those deities. I want to learn more of them, but for now there are a handful of deities whose presence I have felt -- and I believe they are aspects or facets of one unified deity whose essence is love. "God/dess is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God/dess, and God/dess in hir." 1 John 4:16

I exercise my beliefs by doing my best to live in love and to keep growing and learning. I keep an altar in a curtained area which I call my sanctuary, and I sometimes go there to pray, meditate, sing worship songs, and read the Bible or other spiritual books. I also go to a non-religious spiritual church called Unity which teaches from many spiritual paths -- Christianity, Buddhism, Hinduism, etc.

17. how do you identify sexually? I'm not attracted based on the physical sex of a person, I'm attracted to the spirit within a person, which I believe to be genderless. I identify as bisexual because 1) I'm attracted to both/all sexes, and 2) I want to help make it more acceptable to like more than one sex. The term pansexual is more accurate for me since I am also attracted to transsexual and intersexed people, but it is less likely to be understood and therefore less confrontational. Bisexuals do not currently have a strong sense of community and I think by identifying as proudly, permanently bisexual I can help to change that. I also want to help eliminate the false belief that bisexuals are fake/confused/temporary.

18. how do you feel about nudity (yourself, others)? THE MORE NAKEDNESS THE BETTER!!! DOWN WITH THE CLOTHING TYRANNY!!! I prefer to be naked all the time unless it is really cold, and I love to be around others who are naked because it breaks down all of these subconscious barriers. I also find it repressive and offensive that I have to wear clothing when I go out: it is my body, I should decide whether I wrap it up or not. I also believe in the purity of nudity: I do not find it arousing of itself, and I think if a person does, that is because they have fetishized nudity, which is in fact our natural state.

19. how do you feel about 'little white lies'? I think 'little white lies' are like 'little white maggots' that infest connectedness and ruin it. Even one 'little white maggot' in a bowl of soup is going to make you not want to eat it -- I feel the same way about lies. If you can't trust me on something small, how can you trust me with your heart? also, little white maggotlies are usually born from insecurity in the relationship, or lack of willingness to work out all issues. 'I don't want to offend her' or 'I don't want conflict.' Conflict is the only source of growth. I say brrrrring it oooooooon.

20. do you like to share yourself (thoughts, feelings) with others? yes. I will share myself with my friends without prompting, and I will share myself with strangers upon them showing the interest to know. I think every time one person shares themselves with another, that creates more of a connection and ripples out to affect the whole world.

21. what sort of creative things do you like to do? write, beadweave, create icons, model, take & edit photos, dance, learn, paint, draw, build websites (though I haven't done that for a whiiiiiile)

22. do you often cuddle with friends (not just lovers)? I LOVE it with all my heart! it is extremely important to me and I get low if I don't get enough loving touch in a period of time. (though I've learned to live through droughts because Ben isn't cuddly and I don't have any cuddle buddies nearby) However, I need to be very sure that the other person is comfortable with it because I have a fear of intruding (I usually have to have a conversation about it first).

23. do you read for fun? if so, what's your favorite author and favorite book? yes, of course! My favorite author is Torey Hayden, and my favorite book is Biting The Sun by Tanith Lee.

24. favorite color (be specific -- not just green, mint or lime or emerald): vivid violet, then spring green and vibrant scarlet.

25. favorite shape or symbol (heart, star, etc.) & favorite number: shape: star, number: 11

26. if your life was a TV show, what would be the theme song? "Stripped" by Shiny Toy Guns ♥

27. favorite musical group(s): haha. noe venable, shiny toy guns, dream art science, the echoing green, mutemath, the cranberries, dolores o'riordan, massive attack, dead can dance, orenda fink, the benjamin gate, massivivid, butterfly boucher, lily allen, p.j. harvey, t.A.T.u., missy higgins, deepika, savage garden, heather nova, coldplay, darren hayes, azure ray, bitter:sweet, 8mm, vixtrola, apoptygma berzerk

28. favorite musical genre: eclectic genre-mixes, trip-hop, acid jazz, electronica, industrial, world (esp. Middle Eastern & Native American)

29. cat person or dog person? CAT yes very definitely. I don't like most dogs, but independent, intelligent, non-slobbery, well-trained ones I like well enough, heh.

30. favorite non-pet animal? snow leopards ♥ and then dragonflies

31. favorite movie(s) / show(s)?
movies: Playing By Heart, Kiss Me Again, Foxfire, the Matrix series, A Lot Like Love, Garden State, Fingersmith
shows: The L Word, Scrubs, Grey's Anatomy, A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila (*blushes*), Journeyman, Heroes, Samantha Who, Pushing Daisies (jury's still out on those last two)
32-33. don't apply, heh.

[[[ex-question answers:
a handful of adjectives that describe you: loving, giggly, creative, intuitive, expressive, open, honest, spiritual, passionate, intense, cuddly, openminded

fill out the survey at this link, please!


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Comments
flyingshaman ══╣╠══
Oops! Sorry, somehow this survey passed me by. I will fill it out today.
belenen ══╣curvygirl -- belly love╠══
kevloid2007 ══╣╠══
I think I did this one already.

that's my story and I'm sticking to it. :-)
belenen ══╣amused╠══
okay then. ;-)
lorelei_sakti ══╣╠══
You would LOVE Venice. They have the most beautiful glass there! And loads of beaded glass jewelery.
belenen ══╣inspired╠══
OMG I so would!!!! and that's the city with the waterstreets, right? omg swoon! *sighhhhhhhh* one day, one day.........
sabr ══╣canine : profile zella╠══
x| wags tail happily |x

Oh come on. Canines aren't that bad ;)
belenen ══╣lupine love╠══
no, definitely not bad, you silly. ;-) Everything I dislike about particular ones is the fault of the person who raised them... except for the licking. That, I don't like, usually. :-p I don't like slobber. Cats have nice dry tongues. :D
sidheblessed ══╣╠══
May I post this survey for my flist on my own LJ? If you don't want me to I'll come up with my own. ;) I will likely add questions to this and make it my own anyway.
belenen ══╣vivacious╠══
of course you can! :D I'm flattered that you want to -- though I did come up with some pretty awesome questions, so why wouldn't you? :D
clown_frog ══╣╠══
Hmm, this didn't actually tell me much more about you that I didn't know already, which pleases me somehow :-) Makes me feel I must know you.

I just wanted to add something to my lies answer, because I realised something about it. I would lie in some circumstances. I think I thought of a couple, but the one I remember is job interviews. I would lie in a job interview if I thought I was in fact suitable for the job but wouldn't get it unless I jumped through hoops. Probably more exagerrating than lying, actually. And not stupid lying about big things, like education (things that can be checked). I probably wouldn't say I was good at public speaking either, unless I knew the job would never involve public speaking, in which case I might not say anything about how abysmal I am at it.

Anyway, yes, I would lie at a job interview, I would lie when the answer actually has no relevance and it is solely jumping through hoops to get where I want. Same as I'd wear a padded bra to a job interview if I thought it'd increase my chances, though I'm against such things in general. I do not feel that lying hurts anyone in that situation, and as I said, I would only lie if I was sure it would not get me into a job I was unsuitable for anyway, that would be pointless. More exagerrating, anyway, I suppose.

I'm sure I'd thought of another instance, but I can't remember it. Just wanted to be clear on it, that I'm not against lying in itself, I just feel that it would not be present in an ideal world, or an ideal friendship.
belenen ══╣analytical╠══
you do know me, sillypants. ;-)

hmmm. I think if I had to lie to get a job, I wouldn't want to have it, because someone who wouldn't want me exactly as I am is not someone I'd want to work for. :-\ That's just me though, I have perhaps unrealistically high standards for someone who would be giving me orders. I just know I wouldn't do a good job for someone I didn't respect.
clown_frog ══╣╠══
I can see where you are coming from about jobs but...

If the job was doing something like being a check-out girl, that I didn't have any ambitions in, just doing it to make some money during uni years or while looking for a job I really wanted, then if I thought it necessary to exaggerate enthusiasm, etc, then I would, because I know I could do the job, and I know that they feel they have to ask such questions at the interview when they actually don't need those qualities and know that the person they are interviewing is really just going for it because it is the best they can do at the moment or they need the money. I'd don't like the way interviews are based on such crap, but I'd go with it if I needed the job, and if it was a job I knew I could do and didn't intend spending my life doing.

The other situation is with higher up kind of jobs where they hire a firm to do the interviewing (can't remember what they are called), and who ask tricky questions because it is their job, who have no personal interest in the people they hire. BUT, again, only if I was sure I did have the qualifications for the job. Which would probably mean I would never have to tell an extreme kind of outright lie.

Ideally I wouldn't want to work somewhere where they hire interviewer type people and ask questions unrelated to the job, or questions they expect to get scripted kind of answers for, like "what worries you" or "what are your weaknesses". But I have a feeling that I'm going to have to jump through some hoops to get places I want to be, because that is the way the world is organised at the moment. Stupid world.
phydeau ══╣╠══
So I've been pacing on my back deck for the last 20 minutes thinking about something I read nearly 12 hours ago, and it's making wish I had read your answers before I posted mine. My answer to question 32 would have been different.

You said, "I also believe in the purity of nudity: I do not find it arousing of itself, and I think if a person does, that is because they have fetishized nudity, which is in fact our natural state."

The fact that you have some insights that are so profound and yet you state them as if instinct are the reason I keep coming back.

I've been a study of human sexuality since I was a toddler. I started getting into the psychology of sexual attraction when I was about 12. Since then, I have done much reading, including about the nature of fetishes and how they develop. It's not like I'm a stranger to this. And yet . . .

I honestly don't think I ever would have made the connection between nudity-arousal and fetishism on my own. Up until this morning, I had always assumed that those that are aroused by nudity in and of itself were simply acting the way they naturally would (in the sense that nudity reminded them of their animal nature) if there weren't artificial barriers, i.e. clothing (and didn't mind being stroke-jockeys). The second you introduced the word "fetish" to the idea, that whole paradigm shattered. So much so, that I can't even remember what I used to think. Seriously. It took me 20 minutes of recall to compose this, too. :P

That's just an example of why I keep reading your journal. You're not only fascinating and wonderful, but you make me think, sometimes.

Anyway. Now I'll attempt to sleep instead of pondering the whole fetish angle. Wish me luck.
mellodyus ══╣╠══
new friend. add back please.
part 1

1. first name or preferred nickname : Zakiya
2. what's the story behind your username I love to sing. I love music. I have harmony in its many facets. I appreciate pleasantness. Melodious spelled incorrectly = mellodyus.
3. age and sign of the zodiac (sun, rising, and moon if you know them): 23/ libra/scorpio cusp. I identify as a libra.
4. location (state or country): philly
5. where have you spent most of your life? spread out between Georgia & Tennessee
6. what was your childhood like? I grew up with a lot of brothers and sisters. it was six of us in all. my father & mother eventually split up when I was 11. It wasn’t traumatic. I lived with my dad for 2 years. I then moved to Memphis (from Atlanta) to live with my mom. It a good childhood, but unlike a lot of regular American childhoods. My mother and father were activist and we were mini activists.
7. if you currently have a partner/significant other, why are you with hir? If not, what are your criteria for a life partner? I don’t have a life partner right now , which is kind of sad. Some days I feel even sadder to be sad about it. But I know that we are all human and need other people. My ideal life partner is a constant learner. A dreamer who awakens from time to time to be sure her dreams are attainable, but if they aren't she still tries anyway. Beautiful on the inside. Righteous. An activist. A good listener. Funny. Like to try new things. Honest.
8. what are you most passionate about? Necessary Change.
9. what is your primary goal/purpose in life? To live, and not just exist.
10. which of your qualities are you actively working to improve? Don't cop out and say all -- which ones are you focused on right now? lol. my self image. procrastinating.
11. who inspires you? which people have qualities that you especially admire and what are those qualities in each person? free spirits. beautiful people. activists. writers. black women writers.
12. if you were a charm on a bracelet, what would you be? i'd be the bracelet itself. everything around me would be everything that emcompasses true love. i know thats a cop out

mellodyus ══╣╠══
Re: new friend. add back please.
part 2

13. what do you obsess/get-ridiculously-excited over? good films. Michael Jackson lol. Finding money on the ground.
14. what do you collect? or what would you collect if you could? tangible ‘quotable’ journals.
15. ignoring all difficulty factors and money, what is your dream occupation? I honestly don’t know. Maybe a singer songwriter who was a strong activist at the same time. And a diplomat.

16. how do you identify spiritually (do you follow a religion, what do you think about soul/spirit, etc.) and in what ways do you exercise your beliefs? i guess i would be agnostic. if you talk to me long enough i start to contradict myself and talk about god. i wrote something about it read it at http://reasons2riot.blogspot.com/2007/12/as-child-i-was-blooming-agnostic.html

17. how do you identify sexually? i am so frustrated right now. i am a bi-sexual who has a preference for women and a repudiation for men.

18. how do you feel about nudity (do you like being nude / being around others who are nude)? i’ve never thought much about it. i’m not comfortable with my body so – nudity sucks for me. but its great for others. i equate nudity with sexuality though, so perhaps i’m ignorant about it.
19. how do you feel about 'little white lies'? a lie is a lie. we’re human. we lie. but when you lie you are reckless. white is not always right.
20. do you like to share yourself (thoughts, feelings) with others? i love to. but i get flustered because i like to share my feelings when i am not quite certain about them hoping that in an attempt to articulate the i will arrive at a better understanding. BUT – usually i just start to stutter. lol. this is sometimes. In general i love sharing my feeling in various ways.
21. what sort of creative things do you like to do? i love to write poetry, spoken word, crochet, mini – unskilled documentaries
22. do you often cuddle with friends (not just lovers)? i don’t have any of those people in my life who would want to do that. and as single as i am, i’m not sure that cuddling wouldn’t turn to something sexual. lol. perhaps after i am not as lonely.
23. do you read for fun? if so, what's your favorite genre, favorite author and favorite book? i like lgbt books. African american fiction, non-fiction. but like the really good books by good writers, not the urban books. i am getting into Octavia butler more this year. And I love alice walker as a writer and Patricia Hill Collins
24. favorite color (be specific -- not just green, mint or lime or emerald):I LOVE green. The basic green. Like tree green. Or like the green crayon in the box. That shade of green is my favorite.
25. favorite shape or symbol (heart, star, etc.) & favorite number: Ankh, as a Egyptian hieroglyph representing life.
26. if your life was a TV show, what would be the theme song?
27. favorite musical group(s): i don’t have a favorite but I love nina simone. little dragon
28. favorite musical genre: i don’t have a favorite. just good music, and it can come in any form. i love a good sound and good original lyrics
29. cat person or dog person? i like both.
30. favorite non-pet animal? definitely blue whales.
31. favorite movie(s) / show(s)? half nelson. spike lee films. svu law & order. pbs documentaries
32. why do you read my journal (or, if you're new, what drew you to my journal)? i actually ran into your journal a couple of times. then i saw you were looking for friends on addme lgbt and i was like – what the heck. i think we have some mutual friends.
33. do you want to meet me? if so, how much time do you want to spend with me (an hour, a day, a week, etc.)? lol. funny question. i don’t really know you yet. so… maybe you could ask me later if you decide to friend me.
charlotteattack ══╣╠══
Hi, I found you through your community curvygirls and think you're so inspiring! I would like to add you as a friend, and you can add me back also if you would like!

1. first name or nickname: Charlotte or Peaches!
3. age and sign of the zodiac: 19 Virgo
4. location : Maine
5. where have you spent most of your life? In the forests of Southern Maine.
6. what were the best and worst parts of your childhood? My best memories would be with my Grandparents. My grandfather is an outdoors man; he always took my sisters, brother, and me ice-skating (when I sky was dark and the ice was so clear you could see the bottom of the lake), we'd sled down the hills on runner sleds, and in the fall we were always outside exploring the woods.
The worst memories would be my parents fighting, hitting me/cursing at me. I was deathly shy with social anxiety, so school didn't come too easy, I tried my hardest to go unnoticed.
7. if you currently have a partner/significant other, why are you with hir?? I have a boyfriend named Michael. I'm with him because I can be myself around him! There are no secrets between us and he is always forgiving as am I. He makes me laugh constantly and he has a cute curvy bum. :D
8. what are you most passionate about? Art; it makes me feel very relaxed and accomplished!
9. what is your primary goal/purpose in life? Well, I want to become a teacher - to better the lives of children and give them self-empowerment! I also want to be a mommy, and teach my children to be open-minded and beautiful in every way.
10. which of your qualities are you actively working to improve? To love myself more and to not be afraid of things I don't understand or know.
11. who inspires you? which people have qualities that you especially admire and what are those qualities in each person? I believe my friends, family and my counselor/doctors/teachers inspire me because they thrive in their lives and each person is very caring and considerate. They are all "teachers" in a way, sharing with me their experiences and beliefs.
12. if you were a charm on a bracelet, what would you be? I would be a faerie, because they are so delicate and beautiful. I perceive myself in that way, and have always loved folklore.
13. what do you obsess/get-ridiculously-excited over? Clothing store (or any store really) sales, haha!
14. what do you collect? or what would you collect if you could? I collect faerie figurines, books, pictures etc.
15. ignoring all difficulty factors and money, what is your dream occupation? I would love to work with Wendy Froud creating puppets and dolls! It would be wonderful!!!
17. how do you identify sexually? I follow my impulse, I suppose. I'm attracted to men, but if at any point in time I found someone who was ideally better for me, male or female, I wouldn't think twice about being with them.
18. what's your relationship structure? Monogamous!
19. how do you feel about nudity? Well, I haven't experienced much nudity, but the first time I drew a nude model in an art class, I was a little shocked at first - but after I really enjoyed doing it! Especially women with curves. I personally, love being naked, but I don't get to be often.
charlotteattack ══╣╠══
Continued!
20. how do you feel about 'little white lies'? I use white lies occasionally. I don't necessarily enjoy lying, but sometimes I can't bring myself to the truth.
21. do you like to share yourself with others? Yes, I'm very open.
22. what sort of creative things do you like to do? Ordinary creative things, I guess! Painting, sculpting, sewing, etc.
23. do you often cuddle with friends (not just lovers)? No, but lately I've tried being more physical with friends - hugs and kisses!
24. do you read for fun? what's your favorite genre, favorite author and favorite book? In the summer I like to read for fun - mostly fantasy! During College I'm very overwhelmed with work, so mostly I read blogs. :)
25. favorite color: I really love blue-greens and light red-violets.
26. favorite shape or symbol & favorite number: I like organic shapes - leaves or flowers and 5
27. if your life was a TV show, what would be the theme song? Probably a feminine folk song.
28. favorite musical group(s): Celtic Woman, Sarah McLaughlin, Paula Cole, Tori Amos, Kate Rusby...
29. favorite musical genre: Indie, World, Traditonal, Folk
30. cat person or dog person? I think I'm more of a dog person, but all I've ever had are cats.
31. favorite non-pet animal? Elephants are so adorable and smart!
32. favorite movie(s)/show(s)? I'm a reality show junkie! *blush* I love Ever After, The Prince of Egypt, Pan's Labyrinth, and The House of Flying Daggers.
33. why do you read my journal? Creativity, inspiration, knowledge, comfort
34. do you want to meet me? if so, how much time do you want to spend with me? I think it would be a very exciting experience to spend a day with you. You seem, from what I gather, to have a vast amount of wisdom and love!
reniform ══╣╠══
1. first name or preferred nickname:
Tarona.

2. what's the story behind your username?
It's quite the strange story. It started out as looking for a username- which contained something dynamic and vital. I started flipping through a biology book - and came across a reniform - a kidney shaped leaf. The connection I made with it - a vital organ and a leaf -> fresh -> new -> important -> essential, is how I came to pick my name. I think that that is the best way I can explain it

3. age and sign of the zodiac (sun, rising, and moon if you know them):
22 years old, Virgo

4. location (state or country):
Utrecht Netherlands

5. where have you spent most of your life?
In Nijmegen, Holland. I grew up there, but never felt home.

6. what were the best and worst parts of your childhood?
The best part of my childhood was when I saw my father more often - it's also one of my earliest childhood memories - when he taught me how to ride my bycicle, and he was so proud of me :) The worst - was at that same time. He drank a lot and my mom and dad used to fight all the time. I remember being scared a lot because I never knew what would happen.

7. if you currently have a partner/significant other, why are you with hir? If not, what are your criteria for a life partner?
I like to think that my criteria for a life partner is that he has to be intelligent, passionated, artistically creative ( music - painting, drawing - creating ), able to make me laugh, free, independent, loyal, tall, kind, warm, and even though we all deny it - I do care about looks. But that is a whole different story :)

8. what are you most passionate about?
The thing that I am most passionate about - is music. Funny enough I never pursued much more than playing the saxophone and singing. I feel so much when listening to music - I can let my imagination flow completely. Never do I have a day without music - music is there for you - no matter what is going on, what you have done, or what you are about to encounter. It is my compagnion I suppose.

9. what is your primary goal/purpose in life?
My primary goal in life is to find inner peace. The rest that I want to achieve - is a bonus.

10. which of your qualities are you actively working to improve?
In terms of work - I am developing a finer touch for motion / interactive design. And I am more actively drawing in illustration. As for my inner self - I am currently working on to being alone more, focusing more on what I feel and think instead of screaming it out and not really thinking about it.

11. who inspires you? which people have qualities that you especially admire and what are those qualities in each person?
My parents inspire me. They are both hard working people - who have very little education - but have achieved high status, by determination, working hard and being extremely intelligent. They have never cared about what others thought of them and always carried onwards on their own paths. They are strong people who have survived horrible things, and they stand even stronger. I guess that sums up the entire question, I too want to be that way.

12. if you were a charm on a bracelet, what would you be?
I would be the "Ohm" symbol

13. what do you obsess/get-ridiculously-excited over?
Music. Movies. Sneakers. And men. Yea. :D

14. what do you collect? or what would you collect if you could?
I collect music. Movies. I would collect more sneakers if it was financially possible. And I have a fetish for art books. But they too are often expensive. And oh! Camera's. Of course, my budget does yet again not allow it :D

15. ignoring all difficulty factors and money, what is your dream occupation?
My dream occupation is to be an illustrator, graphic design, motion/interactive designer who also has her own fashion / sneaker line and I can make money travelling all over the world and creating awesome shit for a pile of money. :p

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16. how do you identify spiritually (do you follow a religion, what do you think about soul/spirit, etc.) and in what ways do you exercise your beliefs?
I do not follow a religion, but they beliefs I identify myself the most with are buddhism and the rastafari. They are not religions, they are a way of living, thinking, being. They focus more on the "self" instead of a "god".

17. how do you identify sexually?
I can be sexually attracted to male and female, simply because I am attracted to people. But I find myself more attracted to men.

18. what's your relationship structure: monogamous, polyamorous, polyfidelitous?
I strife to be monogamous, and I have almost always succeeded. I regret the times I was not.

19. how do you feel about nudity (do you like being nude / being around others who are nude)?
I have no problem with nudity. Even though I have gained a little weight - I am not ashamed of my body. We are born naked, and yet there is this amazing taboo. But somehow it also has something beautiful, keeping your clothes on, because it makes the person who sees you naked more special. I tend to be more free - especially around my friends.

20. how do you feel about 'little white lies'?
Everybody commits them. He or she who says they don't lie, are telling one right there and then. I think telling a lie is in our nature - to avoid confrontation or to twist a situation towards how you please. It comes forth from the ego I guess.

21. do you like to share yourself (thoughts, feelings) with others?
I always thought that I liked to do that until I learned that once you do that you not only share yourself with one other person, but often many and many more, because people simply cannot stay silent. Since then I have come around to often ditest sharing myself and becoming more of an observer. Life is more interesting that way anyway.

22. what sort of creative things do you like to do?
Illustrate, creating digital art, working on canvas

23. do you often cuddle with friends (not just lovers)?
Yes. My friends are my family. Love is needed.

24. do you read for fun? if so, what's your favorite genre, favorite author and favorite book?
My favourite author would defenitly have to be Paulo Coelho. His style of writing, word choice and lessons in his books have helped me a lot in life. So I read not only for fun, but also for inspiration. My favourite book is still The Alchemist by Coelho.

25. favorite color (be specific -- not just green, mint or lime or emerald):
My favourite colour can not be defined in one simple colour - it is the colour of the ocean. I love the ocean, I was born in water, raised around water, my father is a swim teacher, I love the way water feels, the way water sounds, the way it can change into ice and snow. I love water - and there for the colour of the ocean is my favourite. Even though it is created by the reflection of the sky :)

26. favorite shape or symbol (heart, star, etc.) & favorite number:
My favourite symbol is the "Ohm" symbol written in Tibet language, and my favourite number is the number 8.

27. if your life was a TV show, what would be the theme song?
Amon Tobin - Popsicle

28. favorite musical group(s):
Oh geez. Amon Tobin, Prefuse 73, Bonobo, Bob Marley, Erykah Badu, Stevie Wonder, Sting, Zap Mama, The Pharcyde ... there is too much :)

29. favorite musical genre:
Hip-hop, soul, funk, glitch-hop, Ninja Tune

30. cat person or dog person?
A cat person.

31. favorite non-pet animal?
A hummingbird.

32. favorite movie(s) / show(s)?
Movies: American Beauty, Snatch, Shawshank Redemption, Searching For Bobby Fisher ( aka Innocent Moves )

33. why do you read my journal (or, if you're new, what drew you to my journal)?
The way you spoke of a spiritual journey, a quest throughout life. I am experiencing the same thing, so it's interesting to read about someone who is more than just some words. You know what I mean?

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34. do you want to meet me? if so, how much time do you want to spend with me (an hour, a day, a week, etc.)?
Of course. I would spend as much time with you as is needed for us to say everything we want to say to eachother. That could be 10 minutes, 10 days, 10 months, 10 years :)
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.