September 2017
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I've been really low on energy lately, which is frustrating because there is so much I want to write about, but I can only find the energy for short sparks of creation or long repetitive-action projects which are then left nearly-but-not-quite-finished. Part of it is the stress of being so low on money and waitingwaitingwaiting for something to happen (two possibilities in the air right now) -- and I have NEVER been any good at waiting.

But the other half of it is the fact that out of my close friends only ONE is having a decent time of it lately! Nearly everyone I'm closest with is living in some degree of hell... and that includes my mom and lil sis. (they're in a better place than before, but still upsetting and painful) And I'm not a worrier, but when the people who are connected to me hurt, I do too. I know this and choose it because I believe that true connection doesn't cease in times of pain or stress. But I'm frustrated right now because there is NOTHING I can do! Except urge them to hold on, push through, that joy will come again, strength will come again. And when I can't wrap those words in a hug or even a look, they seem so empty. *aches*

...Walk On by Susan Ashton...
She worked all day long on a street named Despair
In a town with no pity, she was going nowhere
Well, funny how her heart, well, it grew colder and colder
With the weight of the world crashing down on her shoulder.

But when the going gets tough and the tough are long gone, just

Walk on, walk on, walk on, walk on
Walk on, walk on, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Walk on, walk on, walk on, walk on
Walk on, walk on, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Well, I know we ain't seeing the best of times
And I long stopped dreaming those crazy dreams of mine
These days get so long, and my heart grows weak
And honey, we ain't living on no easy street.

But when the going gets tough and the tough are long gone
It's just a-you-and-me, baby, left to walk on!

disclaimer: this is not my usual style of music at ALL -- it's from my parental-music-restricted days, and I used to sing it at the top of my lungs... it gave me so much strength. My high school years were one long stretch of depression, and songs that filled me with the determination to push through and believe in the future are a large part of the reason I'm alive.


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sidheblessed ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣gentle╠══
acid_burns ══╣emily and zooey deschanel / don't let go╠══
belenen ══╣nuzzle╠══
shioneh ══╣violet composition╠══
belenen ══╣bel bites happy apple hannah╠══
smurfb1ue ══╣strength to carry foward on╠══
belenen ══╣loving╠══
clown_frog ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣nuzzle╠══
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.