December 2017
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I've been really low on energy lately, which is frustrating because there is so much I want to write about, but I can only find the energy for short sparks of creation or long repetitive-action projects which are then left nearly-but-not-quite-finished. Part of it is the stress of being so low on money and waitingwaitingwaiting for something to happen (two possibilities in the air right now) -- and I have NEVER been any good at waiting.

But the other half of it is the fact that out of my close friends only ONE is having a decent time of it lately! Nearly everyone I'm closest with is living in some degree of hell... and that includes my mom and lil sis. (they're in a better place than before, but still upsetting and painful) And I'm not a worrier, but when the people who are connected to me hurt, I do too. I know this and choose it because I believe that true connection doesn't cease in times of pain or stress. But I'm frustrated right now because there is NOTHING I can do! Except urge them to hold on, push through, that joy will come again, strength will come again. And when I can't wrap those words in a hug or even a look, they seem so empty. *aches*

...Walk On by Susan Ashton...
She worked all day long on a street named Despair
In a town with no pity, she was going nowhere
Well, funny how her heart, well, it grew colder and colder
With the weight of the world crashing down on her shoulder.

But when the going gets tough and the tough are long gone, just

Walk on, walk on, walk on, walk on
Walk on, walk on, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Walk on, walk on, walk on, walk on
Walk on, walk on, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Well, I know we ain't seeing the best of times
And I long stopped dreaming those crazy dreams of mine
These days get so long, and my heart grows weak
And honey, we ain't living on no easy street.

But when the going gets tough and the tough are long gone
It's just a-you-and-me, baby, left to walk on!

disclaimer: this is not my usual style of music at ALL -- it's from my parental-music-restricted days, and I used to sing it at the top of my lungs... it gave me so much strength. My high school years were one long stretch of depression, and songs that filled me with the determination to push through and believe in the future are a large part of the reason I'm alive.


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Comments
sidheblessed ══╣╠══
*hugs*
belenen ══╣gentle╠══
*hugs back*
acid_burns ══╣emily and zooey deschanel / don't let go╠══
I love you ♥
belenen ══╣nuzzle╠══
I love you too ♥! *hugs*
shioneh ══╣violet composition╠══
I'm sorry babes ♥ I love you. I think feeling other's pain like one's own is a result of loving deeply. Sorry about the money stress, I know how that feels! I hope you find a way to wind down and let the creativity through, don't force it.

I know what you mean about songs that fill you with determination. When i was a child and depressed, I used to listen to this rnb type song by sweetbox, 'everything's going to be alright' which is not my style of music now at all and quite cheasy, but the message was to keep on fighting and I think without that song, I would have given up ♥ I really liked 'life is a flower' by ace of base too. No laughing at the cheasy pop, I was only nine :)

Love to you Mum and sister. I hope they're okay ♥ xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx and love to you as always.
belenen ══╣bel bites happy apple hannah╠══
*lovelovelove*
smurfb1ue ══╣strength to carry foward on╠══
I'm praying for you. I am sure you will emerge from this stronger and more completely you.
If it would be all right with you, I'd like to send you something. Would you mind passing along your address?
belenen ══╣loving╠══
thank you lovey ♥

I would love that! email me at belenen (at) gmail dot com and I'll respond with my address. *hughug*
clown_frog ══╣╠══
Sorrow for the hurting friends, the hurting you, the frustration and the waiting :-(

Stress does take energy out of you, though I don't know how. It is like a virus, gets a hold and lives to perpetuate itself. Your energy will, I hope, return. Sometimes it is so like a virus that all you can do it rest and wait for your body to deal with it.

Friends hurting and being able to do nothing about it is a terrible thing. This is shamefully part the reason I avoid people when I am stressed, I cannot bear to add theirs to mine, overwhelming. I hope your friends get better somehow, for their sake and for yours. Hannah, SabR and inwithbothfeet I read the journals of and they seem to suffer so much and deserve it so little that it hurts. So I feel sorry for them and sorry for you and I hope hope hope that it changes soon

*hugs*

belenen ══╣nuzzle╠══
*hugs back* thank you for being so supportive and caring ♥ love you *hugs*
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.