October 2017
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rant on penis image and male self-worth


Our fucked-up society tells men that their worth is in their penises in the same way that it tells women their worth is in how closely they match the 'ideal'. Every time I hear of it, it makes me more angry and disgusted. A man has just as much worth if his penis is small or thin or has never been in a vagina or doesn't get hard or gets soft again quickly or is surgically constructed or doesn't exist! A man doesn't need a penis to be himself! I was watching a Scrubs episode lately where J.D. has an occurrence of impotence, and I was appalled and infuriated by the way the others treated him -- with pity and contempt. And he only regained his feelings of self-worth when he was once again able to get an erection. What the hell? Does no one realize how fucking sick it is to have your self-worth be entirely dependent upon a body part?

Also, the myth that women want a man with a giant penis -- what a pile of shit! First of all, most women get most pleasure from clitoral stimulation, not penetration, and secondly, the vagina is a very elastic organ, and changes diameter to suit the occasion. The 'need' for a larger penis stems from a desire to have power (which is trained in by society -- it is not natural for a person to desire power over another).

And don't even give me that crap that it's some altruistic desire to 'please a woman' -- a penis is definitely not necessary for that. That phrase is a self-righteous euphemism. If a man wants to please a woman, he can do it regardless of the size or performance of his penis. Society says that a man's worth lies in how much he can do with his penis (and in whom he chooses to use it with); it's about who he can 'conquer' with it. That's bullshit! True sex is not about conquering, it is about mutual giving. There should be no pride and no shame associated with the penis -- it's JUST A BODY PART.

If society could teach little boys that the penis is merely a body part and has nothing to do with who they truly are (not to be ashamed of OR proud of), maybe men would be less obsessed with proving their worth through sex. And they'd be able to treat women with more respect because they wouldn't 'need' to use a woman to be who they are. And they could take pride in what matters -- being a person, being their true self -- rather than a body part which they cannot change, and shouldn't want to change.

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Comments
cherrywindex ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣amused╠══
very cool! thanks :-D
_keena ══╣╠══
PREACH!
belenen ══╣amused╠══
:D
blood_4_deniro ══╣╠══
it reminds me of the whole "the bigger your boobs, the more woman you are, so you better get implants" thing that's aimed toward women. i was watching "Dr 90210" (ugh...why???) one day and Dr Rey gave this woman some implants, she was just fine the way she was and her breasts were proportional to her body, but they ended up being huge (from a small-to-medium B to like a 36D) and looked awful. the girl was like "now that i have these breasts, guys talk to me now, and i dont feel so self-conscious, and i can wear a shirt without a bra and not feel so embarrassed. i'm so glad i got them!" *rolls eyes*

but i totally agree w/ you on your rant!
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
yes, exactly! I have often said that breasts are to a woman what a penis is to a man -- women rank their worth on how attractive they think their breasts are -- how much they match the 'ideal.' *shakes head*
rescoto ══╣╠══
You are absolutely correct. Worrying about physical proportions of one's penis is pretty silly. I think most of the pressure about the subject comes from other men, too. More specifically, from what men perceive that other men think about them or about the subject.

I have never met a single woman who seriously used size as any indication of prowess or attractiveness in their criteria for men that they might choose care about.

Regarding performance, this is one I still struggle with personally. I usually feel a certain pressure, a certain expectation (inside myself) to be 'ready' and able whenever the mood of my partner is on. I believe that this is mainly due to the fact that I am a very lustful person and would just hate to miss out on opportunities granted to me. Even still, there are times when it just doesn't work out, but that's ok, too.
belenen ══╣analytical╠══
I usually feel a certain pressure, a certain expectation (inside myself) to be 'ready' and able whenever the mood of my partner is on. I believe that this is mainly due to the fact that I am a very lustful person and would just hate to miss out on opportunities granted to me.

I can understand that. I would even venture to suggest that perhaps the fact that you consider yourself a lustful person is a part of the expectation. But that's just an idea of course, you are the only one who can know the truth of that.
rescoto ══╣╠══
woah_the_kettle ══╣╠══
Something interesting to note:
I was having a discussion with this girl, and she told me that when she was in 5th and 6th grade, she would try and gradually stretch out her vagina so that when she had sex, it wouldn't hurt. She said that in 7th grade she first heard someone joke about some girl being "loose" and that made her "nasty", and when she realized what they were talking about, she went home and cried for days. She was devastated to think that she have a loose vagina and that NO MAN WOULD EVER LOVE HER. She told me that she worried about it until recently when she had sex with her boyfriend several months back.

Another interesting thing to note:
Tyler has a relatively large penis (6 1/2 to 7 inches), but when erect, is crooked, and bends to the side. We waited longer than I usually would have waited to have sex, in part because he wanted to wait until he felt that we would get married and be together forever, but I think it might have had something to do, subconsciously, with the fact that he didn't know how his penis would fit in my vagina with it bent like that, and if he would be inadequate with pleasing me that way, especially since I had had many partners before (only one other dude though) and he had never had any. He didn't even think about the fact that he has a relatively large dong, he just worried that it was crookedey. He would never admit it, ever, but I believe he was.
_keena ══╣body outline╠══
omg kelly.. bless your heart. does mrT like you announcing his situation like this?!?!

i so love you to pieces...lol
belenen ══╣╠══
kmiotutsie ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣╠══
kmiotutsie ══╣╠══
kmiotutsie ══╣╠══
right on!! i'd rather have a lover who gives good head than a cock so big it hurts; i hate it when it takes three or four tries with a new lover before it stops hurting..
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
damn straight! it took like seven or eight times before it stopped hurting with Ben *eek* and MONTHS before the discomfort wore off. I don't mind it, but it's certainly not something that I would seek out!
clown_frog ══╣pic#60639509╠══
I have heard people say it is a myth that women want a larger penis, and women agreeing with that. Also heard a lot of women who say, actually, we do want larger penises. Well, everyone is different, but thats the way of things. There isn't a universal preference. Possible also, on the note about bigger penis/better status, competetion, affecting men's views on size. Also maybe women, some women. "My boyfriend earns £... a year" "My boyfriend has a 9 inch cock". Which shouldn't matter, but maybe there are women who get to feel dissatisfied with their man because they have bought into the idea that big means better... not in bed, but in status. That is the one that worries me. Perfectly willing to accept that some women prefer the feel of bigger penises, and thats fine. They love someone, it probably wont bother them so much. But if a women wants bigger because of the whole status myth... thats bad, thats quite possibly going to lead them to believe him to have less worth, and thats going to ruin love.

Thats just a thought that struck me from this entry. Which I liked, by the way, short and to the point. Makes me happy when I read things that make sense and spark thoughts :-) And happy because you are ranting... which is a bit of an odd thing, but I know I'm in a good place when I think about things enough to rant about them in livejournal. Engaging with the world, I guess. Anyway, back to the grindstone. (Exams in may, hence online doing revision... so if you see me on gtalk and fancy a chat, please do! Distraction always welcome)

Ah, it'd be brilliant to live in a society (I don't like the word society, it sounds too orderly, but I don't know another), where people were people and the way they looked didn't matter. Any of it, in any way. I wonder if such a society does or ever has existed? Maybe not. What we see, well, its first impressions. Even body paint, piercings, same kind of thing. Though you aren't born with them, so not so bad.

I'm definitely more of a "how you look doesn't matter" than a "love your body/face the way it is" person. Not that that is really connected to the penis thing, which isn't really body image, more symbolic than that. Like, I think one of your commenters said, breasts. The "real women" thing. All a bit silly really. Reading the other day about this new thing, coating silicone breast implants with titanium in order to stop so many going mouldy inside people. Just made me think, oh you silly things, to create such problems for yourselfs. Look bigger, its bizarre, cutting up healthy body, inserting foreign matter, then having to come up with new ways to try and stop your body rejecting it... madness. It is too easy to get caught up in the small picture. Anyway, yeah, back to revision.
belenen ══╣revolutionary╠══
I'm glad you liked the entry, and glad you like my rants :D

I don't know about a society that didn't care about looks... I think that we have eyes and we're always going to notice the way people look, and we're going to be more attracted to some people than others (like kids are more drawn to people who look like their parents because of the positive associations they have). BUT I think if people truly believe that beauty is in variety, then there will be no 'beauty hierarchy' and people will take the time to look deeper.

I think how you look does matter, because I think one's physical body is an outward expression of their spirit. Which isn't really an argument since it is a personal belief, but in a more literal, provable sense, the way a person chooses to decorate their body does tell you a lot about them.

I share your feelings about plastic surgery! To me, it's just a legal, societally-acceptable way of self-injuring. There is a level of detachment, hiring someone else to do it, and to me that makes it even worse than if you did it yourself. *shakes head* It is such a self-hating act -- how are you ever going to have a healthy relationship with your body if you are deliberately harming it?
hottergirl01 ══╣tinkerbell╠══
i wish the world tuned into this segment of "What the Truth IS!" They'd be in the for the shock of their lives!!

Everything you said is abso-fuckin-lutely true. Damn, I hope this makes it's way onto television somehow!
belenen ══╣amused╠══
hahaha, thanks! :D
armandii ══╣╠══
So true Bel. I love my man's penis because it is part of him. The size and shape and hardness or otherwise are irrelevant.
belenen ══╣passionate╠══
exactly!
sabr ══╣╠══
God this is just so amazingly true. It's disheartening to realize, and empowering to mentally conquer, all at the same time.

God I've missed you. <3
belenen ══╣amused╠══
thank you! :D

miss you too babe -- did you get my email?
sabr ══╣╠══
kevloid2007 ══╣╠══
my three cents :-)
I tried to embed this twice and it didn't work so here's the link. :-p

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGRPFUYUUdQ
belenen ══╣amused╠══
Re: my three cents :-)
hahaha, I have that song 'cause you sent it to me! :-p
kevloid2007 ══╣╠══
Re: my three cents :-)
sidheblessed ══╣╠══
This entry reminds me of why I'm so against male genital mutilation aka circumcision - it implies that there is something inherently wrong with the penis in it natural state and to make it even half way attractive (and therefore the male) you have to cut a bit off.

I agree with you very much on this and like someone else said, it's as ridiculous as girls feeling they need big boobs to be attractive.
belenen ══╣passionate╠══
YES. I agree with you. My children are going to make their own choices about their bodies, I think it is horrible to chop up a kid right after it is born! What a horrible introduction to the world! A child should be able to trust his/her parents to take care of them and keep them from pain, not inflict needless pain on them. I would guess that many men are emotionally wounded from having that happen to them, and that may very well be a part of the reason that men in general are so distrustful and afraid to share themselves. (I know there are plenty of other reasons too)
juansrx ══╣*ash1╠══
Completely agree!!, the day we learn to see how big is our inner self, that day we´ll be free form this mad society´s chains and rules!

That day we will learn to choose better our companion, and to apreciate them for what they have to offer from their true selves.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
yes! *nods emphatically*
darkpool ══╣╠══
I don't really think that many people buy into it. I think people who want to believe that do but I don't think that that many men have their self worth tied to their penis.
belenen ══╣passionate╠══
hmmm. Well, I haven't done serious research, so I can't really say. But many of the guys I have known HAVE been insecure about their penises.
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.