February 2018
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dream (my partner & I have amazing kisses, he gives me knives, I stab him and take him to hospital)


I dreamed that I was in a house with my parents, siblings, and my partner, and we were playing some sort of game while lying on the floor. I leaned close to my partner while moving a playing piece, and he kissed me (upside down). I kissed him back, and the kisses got more and more intense. (felt supernaturally amazing) Then I suddenly realized I didn't know anything about his life, so I asked if he had a girlfriend, and he said yes. I was shocked and pulled back, saying that was terrible, and he asked why. I told him that if I was his girlfriend and he just went and kissed someone else, I'd be mad enough to kill him. Then I corrected myself and said, actually, I'd probably harm myself instead because I tend to take out my feelings on myself, then corrected myself again and said I'd probably harm us both equally. Then I got up and left, went to 'my' room and closed the door. But as I turned around, there he was, with a knife in each hand. He said he wanted me to stab us both, him first, then me. I didn't have much objection to that, but he wanted me to used the flimsy, crappy, plastic-handled on on him, and the nice, fancy, super-sharp one on me. I told him no, but he wouldn't give them to me until I said yes, so I did, and he handed me the blades. I stabbed him in the side with the nice one, and then went to open the door and throw the crappy knife into the hall. I kept the nice knife in case I needed it to keep him from trying to kill us both. Then I came back in the room and he was lying on my bed, so I was worried that I had stabbed him deeper than I meant to, and called for my mom/siblings (my dad said something about us deserving it? or me deserving it for not kicking him out of my room?) to help me get him to the hospital. I handed the nice knife to one of my siblings, to hold in case it was needed. My partner tried to sit up in a hurry, saying he was fine, but he couldn't, so I was more convinced. I hurried to put clothes on (I had been naked) and as I was putting on these black pants my mom was suggesting purple pants, but I already had one leg in and didn't have time to change. Then I carried him out as we went to the hospital.

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Comments
sabr ══╣╠══
Wow. That's a whole lot to take in, and honestly, i can't make much of heads or tails of it. Of course, I'm not all that good with deciphering dreams... these lately have been really amazing though.
belenen ══╣dreamy╠══
I know, right?!? I think when I go through periods of intense change they get super vivid because I'm sorting through all the new ideas in my head.
delicatexflower ══╣nature ][ standing on the hill ... of dr╠══

hmm, that's quite a dream, there.

i got a vibe of love from the kissing
part of the dream.

hurt & betrayal from the knives, plus
he said he had a girlfriend, which shows
he broke your 'trust' in some way, maybe?

since you were naked,
i see it the vulnerability, there.
belenen ══╣incitement╠══
I think for me, nudity means honesty more than vulnerability, just because of how I feel about nudity. On the other things I think you've definitely got it spot-on!
in_withbothfeet ══╣╠══
Wow!
That's a whole lot. Fascinates me.

I guess the knives are likely to be symbolic of broken trust, would makes sense considering the context of the dream, don't you think? Well, it's a possibility. What interests me is the flimsy knife vs. the sharp one... and how you chose to use the sharp one on him, even after telling him you'd do otherwise, which is like... a hidden agenda. Like, in my Interpersonal Comm class, we thoroughly discussed the differences between passive, agressive, and passive aggressive (And assertive, which is the ideal). And passive aggressive is often saying something is okay, or acting like it is, but going behind the person's back and doing something that harms them, or just slowly dragging out resentment and contempt. It reminds me of the "rift" thing... we've talked about. Like, how not being fully open can cause a rift of resentment. But sometimes it is hard for us to stay open, especially in a situation like what y ou are in with Ben. Do you think it might symbolize... the fact that you're excited wanting to learn more about him, and trust him, but you might still feel hurt or betrayed deep down and like it isn't settled or going to be settled just by his actions right now?
I dunno.

But also, your biofamily interested me.
What your biodad said was interesting... how you might have deserved it for not kicking him out of your room. I think that could be so symbolic. Maybe something to do with... you feel punishment to yourself for letting him in again, or saying you are wanting to open up and trust him again but still feeling too unresolved?

I dunno!!! Strange.

woah_the_kettle ══╣╠══
holy crap I couldn't figure it out, but what you said makes a lot of sense. Man you should come interpret MY dreams haha!
in_withbothfeet ══╣╠══
hehe, I'd be willing to try! I've been having some nutty ones lately, too, and I was just about to go and write about my own, actually. I like dreams.
Sometimes my hypothesis can be pretty farfetched BUT I figure it's better to expand horizon and grasp as many ideas as possible than to limit in fear of foolishness!
in_withbothfeet ══╣╠══
I also wanted to add that I was thinking about this, and maybe the fact that your mom interrupted you while you were putting on pants shows... like... basic, every day stuff getting... interrupted. or not interrupted. But like. a feeling of dragging out daily living and pretending to be okay but having to respond to other people's interruptions ... I don't know how to explain it!
maybe that's too far but it's more of a feeling I get, something about what it would probably mean to me if I had the dream myself.
belenen ══╣analytical╠══
hmm yeah, and the fact that they were purple is significant, because I would have preferred the purple ones but didn't have time for them. maybe in this dream she represents my 'caretaker' self? Trying to help me on my journey, and I am not taking the time to listen to her and get the full benefit of the preparation she could give me?

wow. Aulii, you gotta talk to me more often :D
belenen ══╣analytical╠══
hm, yeah, the two knives is really interesting! I was being kind by using the sharp knife, because the flimsy one would have made him hurt worse, for some reason. Still, it is strange behavior for me because I do my best never to lie, and in real life I think I would have out-stubborned him instead. But in the dream it was so important I was willing to lie. I also think it was interesting that I didn't stab myself, despite tacitly agreeing to do so.

Dreammoods.com says, "To dream that you are carrying a knife, signifies anger, aggression and/or separation. The knife may be symbolic of something divisive in your life. You may be attempting to cut ties or sever some relationship. To see a dull knife in your dream, denotes that your hard work is accompanied by little or no gain. To dream that you stab someone, indicates your fear of betrayal and your untrusting nature."

I think that the 'flimsy' knife did in fact represent hard work accompanied by little or no gain. He wanted me to put in that work without reward, and I said I would, because he couldn't conceive of another way (at the very beginning of our relationship) and then threw out the possibility (recently). Instead, I chose to get straight to the point (haha!) and force him into a decision -- allow me to take him to the hospital (get healing, growth), or die (end the relationship). And I did it myself because neither of us trusted him to do it.

I don't really understand my dad saying I deserved it, because I hadn't been wounded, so what did it have to do with what I deserve? I think you are right about it having something to do with 'punishment' -- like I feel I deserve to be treated badly because I allowed myself to be taken for granted for the first part of our marriage? Fortunately I ignored that voice. I think it's really strange that my mom, and symbolic siblings (they didn't really have faces) were in the dream. *shakes head*

I think the putting on pants is symbolic of 'girding my loins' and the fact that I carried Ben in my arms like a baby -- when he is about a foot taller and very solid, probably impossible for me to carry that way IRL -- is symbolic of me starting him on his journey to growth/healing.

thanks for your awesome comment! it inspired me to think and I actually understand this dream a lot better now!
woah_the_kettle ══╣vintage boobies╠══
I love the way you write about your dreams. I wish I had the courage to write about mine like you do.
belenen ══╣strong╠══
thank you ;-) why do you feel it takes more courage than you have? You're a very brave person!
girlslovegirls7 ══╣╠══
you
wow
uu have crazy dreams.... wich one of us did u hand the nife too.

i hape u have some good dreams soon

love sis
belenen ══╣bel hearts lil sis╠══
Re: you
the siblings didn't have faces, but I gave it to the girl one, so I guess it was you! ;-)
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.