December 2017
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permaccount / breaking down walls with Hannah / A Mighty Heart


a moment to shriek with joy: I have a permanent account! Thank you soooooo much shioneh, clown_frog, rescoto, brightlotusmoon, roina_arwen, bellerisa, spindell, lorelei_sakti, shadowlily, smurfb1ue, aubkabob, & wallbrat!!! And I bought it in the first 36 hours, so LJ donated $25 to RAINN out of the purchase. Out of YOUR donations really. :D

(skipping the first few days of Hannah's visit) We went out to see A Mighty Heart today (thoughts on that later), and as we left I noticed that Hannah was really quiet. I asked if she still wanted to go shopping and she said sure, so we headed over to the store. At one point I put my hand on her knee and she didn't respond at all, which is unusual, so instead of going straight to the store I pulled over into a nearby parking lot and asked her what was wrong.

She told me that she'd been feeling completely disconnected from me, and felt that I didn't care about her or the relationship, like I didn't even try to connect. After rambling for a bit (I felt that I had been trying my hardest, with the low amount of energy I have right now), I realized I had felt like she wasn't wanting to be communicative, and I felt like I had to just accept that. I had developed that mindset because for a while this year she wasn't able to connect with me, and there was nothing I could do about it, since I don't live in the same country. Even though that's not consciously something I would be okay with, I hadn't realized that I felt that way, so it hadn't changed. I also felt like I couldn't 'call her out' if I felt like she wasn't being open/honest, because I didn't want her to feel attacked. (and she felt that my lack of 'calling her out' was because I didn't truly care to hear her heart) So we talked about it a lot and she said that yes, she's sensitive, but it's okay for me to be direct, she appreciates that. And I changed the way I was thinking, and decided to operate in faith that she's okay with me challenging her. We both believe that's a big part of soulfriendship -- challenging each other to stretch and grow. This year hasn't been kind to us, nor to our relationship, but we're moving to the next stage.

Before that discussion, we'd been disconnected in such a way that I hardly even felt her presence -- since then, we re-opened our hearts to each other and I feel her presence -- the soothing, loving touch of her spirit brushing with mine. It's amazing... I just want to curl up into a teeny tiny ball and snuggle into her belly button.

---

A Mighty Heart was a wonderful movie... the cinematography could have been a hell of a lot better, but everything else was pretty amazing, and Angelina gave (in my opinion) the absolute best performance of her life. That woman inspires me so much ♥ and I am so grateful that she's making some 'real' movies again.

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Comments
bellerisa ══╣Mermaid╠══
You have just demonstrated how important it is to communicate and how easy it is to forget to communicate! I'm glad you're both getting it together.

Congratulations on getting your account :)
belenen ══╣loving╠══
thank you! I'll try to get the set done very soon -- I'll let you know when I put it in the mail. ;-D Thanks so much! :D
earthy_goddess ══╣flowered mermaids╠══
Congratulations on the permanent account! I am also happy to hear you and Hannah are overcoming the barriers with communication. It is wonderful you are able to be together! I am so happy she made it there safely. There is so much more I want to write but now my power is about to die. I am sending you lots of love. <3
belenen ══╣kissy╠══
thank you! I miss you bunches :-( Hope you get your computer fixed soon!
wallbrat ══╣Brat on Crack - amber_michele╠══
You're welcome. I'm not sure what I had to do with it. You're welcome all the same though. *smiles*

Communication is a good thing. I'm glad that the two of you are doing better. She sounds like a great person.
belenen ══╣amused╠══
well, you donated towards the Bel-LJ-fund a while ago when my paidaccount ran out -- you bought me two months :D thanks again!

She's such an amazing person, I'm so lucky to have her in my life ♥
ex_legein446 ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣beautiful╠══
:D *is fancy*

thank you and I SO agree! ♥
shadowlily ══╣╠══
i love when my friends will challenge me =) it lets me trust them so much, cause i know they won't shy away from telling me the truth or expressing themselves.
belenen ══╣incitement╠══
awesome! *hugs*
spindell ══╣╠══
I hope you guys are having a great time, sweetie. Remember - valuable friends are like iron sharpening iron!
belenen ══╣amused╠══
indeeeeeeeeeeed! Very apt proverb :D
kmiotutsie ══╣╠══
crap! i STILL don't have a bank card; i called my bank dude in CO today to ask him what the hell... he said he's mailing me a new one :-\ sorry i couldn't contribute :(
kmiotutsie ══╣╠══
aiee!! ASIDE from that, i'm really glad that you and hannah got through that momentary barrier, and i think it's adorable that you want to snuggle up in her bellybutton!! that's the most wonderful thing i've heard all day ;)
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.