February 2018
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I'm so fucking depressed right now, for no good reason at all. Or at least, it feels like no reason because today's not any different from yesterday or the day before and I wasn't feeling like this then. There is good reason, actually. I just feel like I can't talk about it. When I have a problem with someone, I prefer to tell them before I tell others and for various reasons I can't tell the people I have problems with. I feel so suffocated and ANGRY. *spills lava-hot-ash-fire nastiness everywhere*

also, I've been realizing things that make me feel such an aching regret, even though I wouldn't have been able to change anything if I had realized these things earlier, and maybe I saved myself pain with my self-ignorance. Then again, maybe not. I'll never know.

I'm just really sad right now. :-( sorry for all the crypticness... hopefully I can explain later.


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Comments
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beautifulloverr ══╣╠══
Go out and do something to get your mind off stuff. Being depressed sucks and it eats at you. I hate to see people depressed, I know you hardly know me but if you need to talk to someone...I'm willing to talk. I'm sure you have plenty of friends though that you can talk to. I just wish I could help. Smile! :)
belenen ══╣adoring╠══
thank you for the kind words and good advice! ;-)
growing_wise ══╣RENT :: Forget Regret╠══
Sometimes talking things through with an outside observer can clear your mind well enough so that you can confront the person that's causing you pain.

I totally understand what you mean about regret. It's a hard feeling to overcome, but try not to think of it as regret - think of it as an experience to learn and grow.

belenen ══╣gentle╠══
sadly, it's the kind of regret that comes from NOT doing something. :-[

thank you for your kind words ♥
mourningdoveava ══╣╠══
Oh, my heart goes out to you.

The regret I understand, specifically, and I hate the aching hollowness it can leave inside you sometimes. It's so incredibly crippling.

Take joy that even in the middle of the suffocated-angry-regretfulness you're handling things with grace and dignity, and that's admirable. I do hope some sort of outlet comes along soon that allows you to purge some of this from your system, because I know how unbearable it can be to keep these things locked inside.

Sending much peace, much warmth, much love your way.
belenen ══╣gentle╠══
It was surprisingly helpful just to make this post -- it freed me up to approach the main person I needed to talk to. *sigh of relief*

thank you so much *many hugs*
bluebl00d ══╣Angelina / Silence is Golden╠══
Just know you always have someone to talk to.

You have my email right?


belenen ══╣gentle╠══
thank you ♥

I think I had it at some point but I've lost it -- could you give it to me again?
acid_burns ══╣cold case / partners in crime╠══
I find it kinda sad...
... moments in time...



♥♥♥


belenen ══╣connate╠══
Re: I find it kinda sad...
*many hugs*
operating_table ══╣lick╠══
Seems to be going around, I can relate...
belenen ══╣console╠══
:-(
paravati ══╣╠══
You should come over sometime and get drunk with me. We're long overdue. :)

Plus, we'd do pictures, and you love pictures! Maybe it'd make you feel a bit better.

Just an idea.
belenen ══╣artistic╠══
We definitely are overdue! I've never been drunk and haven't tried much, so I'd be open to trying anything other than regular beer (I only like fruity beers, normal ones are yuck to me).

and I definitely want to do photos with you! Are you available anytime first week of September?
fionavere ══╣╠══
I don't have much to say, as I'm not in a super positive place lately myself (although, I am better than I have been for the past few days). I just wanted to say *hugs*, and I'm thinking about you and hoping you are able to work through all of this in good time. I'm here to listen whenever you'd like.
belenen ══╣gentle╠══
*hugs back* thank you lovey ♥
aubkabob ══╣guitar2╠══
I'm sorry, dear.

Hugs to you.
belenen ══╣artless╠══
rockstarjoker4 ══╣╠══
Sorry I don't have anything uplifting to add, just wanted to let you know i'm here, hoping that a better mood and lots of positive experiences are coming your way to help you battle whatever it is that's making you feel this way.
belenen ══╣artless╠══
thank you very much for the sweet hopes on my behalf ♥
mister_smartass ══╣╠══
*sends you virtual puppies*
belenen ══╣ewwwww╠══
ew! virtual puppy slobber!

;-p
mister_smartass ══╣╠══
kmiotutsie ══╣╠══
even if you're not quite ready to tell the people you're having problems with, it's a good idea to express your discomfort in any other way possible, just to keep from bottling it up. CHANNEL THAT SHIT, WOMAN!! and, btw... you have my # ;) call me any time
belenen ══╣loving╠══
thank you babe! I took your advice and did channel it, felt much better after. ;-)
kmiotutsie ══╣╠══
devjannz ══╣╠══
*HUGS* I hope it works out ok.
belenen ══╣gentle╠══
thank you *hugs back*
dragonwine ══╣Tibette: Healing hug╠══
I hope the source of your depression is a faint memory by dawn. You are a remarkable being capable of extraordinary things. Sometimes not talking about it specifically is just good enough. Allow for your emotions to settle and if you feel like revealing what's going on, let it be your choice and not others'. Take care of yourself.
belenen ══╣gentle╠══
*hugs* thank you Dee ♥
spindell ══╣╠══
for various reasons I can't tell the people I have problems with

I can so relate to this. I dunno what it's like for you, but to me it feels like a fist down the throat (and to the guts).

*hugs*
belenen ══╣gentle╠══
*hugs back*
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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.