November 2017
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belversion of the interview meme: answer 7 -- personal beauty 'standards'


(from this meme)

7. (from blood_4_deniro) I know you don't subscribe to society's rigid beauty standards they have on women. but I know that most people have certain characteristics they find attractive, most of us also have preferences for certain types of looks. so... I was wondering do you have your own set of beauty standards for men and/or women?

Well this is a complicated question, and I love it! I don't consider myself to have a standard, but some would say I do, because I find all different looks equally attractive, but certain ones catch my eye more. My belief on beauty is that it is found in variety, and each person is their own ideal. I'm attracted to EVERYTHING (with one exception -- bulky muscular white men. It's connected to a trigger, and I'll leave it at that). On men, I like sharp-featured, craggy-faced, bleached blonde, dark, redheaded... On women, I like wide or narrow hips, large or small breasts, round-bellied, flat-bellied... On either, pierced, tattooed, plain, long hair, short hair, curly or straight hair, shaved head, tall, short, slender, thick, pale, dark... any combination of anything is attractive to me. But I do prefer people who look especially unique. I like figures with contrasts (called 'disproportionate' by the unenlightened), like small busts and wide hips or vice versa. I like any unusual features. And there are certain features I am initially drawn to most. On a man, slim but muscular, tall, dark skin, long dark hair, facial hair but no mustache. (essentially, my partner) On a woman, shaved head or short dark hair, full breasts, wide hips, rounded belly, thick thighs, and muscular calves (and not body-shaved!). But the thing is, those aren't my ideal because if you showed me a woman that fit that description exactly, I would still find others to be just as attractive. There's this artist on dA with very narrow hips, a slim belly, slender legs, small breasts, and shaved parts, and I think she's just as gorgeous. She just wouldn't catch my attention as fast if I walked by both women in a store. The features that catch my eye the quickest are: on a woman: wide sensual hips, on a man: slender gracefulness, in faces: green or blue hazel eyes, very thick or arching eyebrows, full lips, and dark hair. The only things I find unattractive are fake tans, heavy boring makeup ('goth' or 'actress' type), non-expressive or body-hiding clothing, a way of moving/facial expression that betrays a lack of interest in life, or muscles that obviously take more than 3 hours a week to maintain (especially ab muscles -- don't like washboards on either sex).

Also, I think that the internal self shines through, and I think that that is the thing that attracts me most. Sometimes a person will catch my eye, and I'll watch them for a second and lose interest because I either can't get a feel for their inner self, or I don't like the feel I get. Other times a person will catch my eye and I will be absolutely enamored to the point of wanting to follow them around, and they don't have any of the features that usually draw me. And once in a good while someone will catch my eye with a feature and keep it with their inner self, like my partner. ;-)

*note: my aesthetic attraction has nothing to do with my sexual/romantic attraction. possible post on that at a later date...

and now I turn the question on my flist: do you have your own set of beauty standards for men/women? if so, what are they?

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Comments
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acid_burns ══╣jamie and jill / make the earth stand╠══
I love this answer ♥
belenen ══╣curious╠══
thank you :D

and what about you?
acid_burns ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣╠══
acid_burns ══╣╠══
qulqij ══╣╠══
Wow...anazing answer and very insiteful. You know yourself better than most.

I have to agree with what you said about not having a "Type" I like different things on differnt people. Everyone is unique and delightful in their own way and it's a thrill to get to know each person for who they are physically, mentally, spiritually... its like a treasure each time fiding the new and differnt.

I wonder if I would catch your eye. (smile)

(HUGGS)(KISSES)
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
thanks! ;-)
chillychilly22 ══╣╠══
Great answer because it's well thought out (as usual) and it just shows how open minded you truly are. Like you're not all talk... too often I hear people claiming to be open-minded because it's the "right" thing to say and be, but they really aren't. It annoys me.

As for your question I love people with an off beat look... kinda like you were saying. It separates them from the masses. Overall men with dark features make me sweat. They can be clean cut or tattoed. My heart will pitter patter for the occasional blondie though.
belenen ══╣vivacious╠══
thank you so much! What a great compliment :D

thanks for your answer!
bluebl00d ══╣Theberge / Morning Rain╠══
brains, brains and brains
How a person is in the inside is what really matters to me. How a person thinks, feels and acts is what I find attractive. You could place the most gorgeous woman in front of me, if after getting to know her I feel she's a bad seed and see the ugliness inside of her, I won't be interested and I'm out of there.

Though I am shamelessly attractive to women with brains I'm also known to go for dark haired women with blue eyes. It's always been like that and I really don't know why. I've been told it's because I myself have dark hair and blue eyes, which I find ridiculous because I wouldn't date me lol I love me a woman with blue eyes ♥ but that doesn't mean I don't find a girl with brown, green or black eyes attractive.

Perks that get my engine running are tattoos, piercings, SCARS but most of all attitude.

Obviously there's certain qualities I find attractive... such as honesty, someone who is passionate, sarcastic, loyal, compassionate and so on Again those are all things I think I possess. You wouldn't think I'm self absorb lol
bluebl00d ══╣Theberge / Morning Rain╠══
Re: brains, brains and brains
Oh and I have this HUGE voice fetish that I can't shake, not that I want to ;)

mmm yes someone can make me fall in love with them with their voice, if it's the right voice though.
kmiotutsie ══╣╠══
Re: brains, brains and brains
belenen ══╣╠══
Re: brains, brains and brains
belenen ══╣╠══
Re: brains, brains and brains
belenen ══╣╠══
Re: brains, brains and brains
justkat2 ══╣justkat╠══
I think I have higher standards for men than women, but it is inner beauty that attracts me most and, like you said, unique features. It is the things that set one apart that make them beautiful.
belenen ══╣beautiful╠══
It is the things that set one apart that make them beautiful.

exactly!
jenniology ══╣Love╠══
An excellent question! I have no standards per se - I have a real soft spot for redheads (of any variety), but that doesn't mean that non-redheads aren't attractive to me.

I think it's a complex mixture that attracts me - mind, soul, and body. Yet I'm not picky - perhaps I just see a spark of beauty in most people. :)
belenen ══╣beautiful╠══
I just see a spark of beauty in most people.

I very much believe that everyone has it, we just have to unlearn the beauty stereotyping our society teaches us in order to see it. ;-)
ex_legein446 ══╣╠══
I can't get over how much I love your journal! And what a wonderful answer to that question.

Let's see... generally, I think I'm able to find beauty in most people, providing their personalities match the outer, aesthetic beauty. That is, someone could have an appealing exterior but then they open their mouths or otherwise make their sour, catty, mean, etc. personality known and they instantly lose that beauty. I no longer see it, I just see someone I don't want to be around. So internal beauty is absolutely crucial for me to see external beauty.

It's hard for me to pinpoint what features, specifically, I find attractive in women. It's easy to say "beautiful women" because that's really how I categorize it, but my tastes aren't entirely conventional. I think that even if a woman has beautiful features, if she clearly adheres to the "latest trends" because she's preoccupied with being "in style", then I don't find her over all appearance striking, beautiful or noteworthy. She's just another face in a sea of them.

So... uniqueness, I guess? Not even that you have to stand apart from the crowd per se, but that you clearly are comfortable in your own skin and your personality, and it shines through. You carry yourself so that your confidence shows, you know who you are, you're self-reliant. Also, wearing clothing, having a haircut, using makeup (or not using makeup), etc. that flatters you. One type of shirt will look fabulous on slender, waifish types whereas another type of shirt will look fabulous on someone with major curves. One haircut will look good on one person whereas another haircut will look good on someone else, etc. Knowing what looks good on you, from your head to your toes, goes a looooooong, long way.

In men on a romantic/sexual level, I've tended to prefer tall, slender men with toned bodies, but not BIG bodybuilder types. I love Dan's bald head :D and I love lighter eyes. I'm not really interested in the "all American boy" look.

I like it when someone is fit, but in the sense that they're healthy and could perform physical activities without getting winded and could keep up with me. Not so much that they have to look "buff". Someone could easily be larger and still fit, and I find that fitness, that healthiness attractive/appealing.

I'm not really sure that I answered the question all that well, but there you go anyway!
belenen ══╣adoring╠══
thank you so much! :D

I think you answered it very well, thanks! ;-)
kmiotutsie ══╣╠══
i'm immediately attracted to dark and gorgeous, but that doesn't mean I can't be seduced by any number of other "types."

...wait, you said aesthetically. aesthetically, i'd say dark and gorgeous. for either gender. the black-irish ladies with that amazing dark curly hair, and the spanish or south american men. *swoons and swoons..*
belenen ══╣concupiscent╠══
oh, so me! :D I used to daydream about having long bone-straight black hair, dark chocolate skin, and irish-green eyes. Honestly I think that coloring would still be my favorite, but I've never seen it! and it would require a very unusual ancestry and lucky genes, heh.
jendaby ══╣Just Think╠══
Wow, I enjoy reading your journal! I really like your answer - so true!

I don't have specific standards per se, but I can say without a doubt that there are certain things I notice and often find very attractive.

Noses. First thing I usually notice, and especially if they slope downward or have an interesting angle. Adrien Brody has a fabulous nose, for example. Dark eyes, be they brown, green or hazel. Sometimes very soulful blue eyes will catch my attention, too. I like dimples, full lips, cleft chins and "chipmunk-esque" teeth. All of the above for both genders.

For build, I love naturally slender men - wiry, usually (but not always) quite tall. Women...full, feminine hips are my favorite thing! :)

It's odd, I am listing this and thinking of my light gray eyes, upturned nose, and hips that are narrower than my bust, and I realize that I don't match my own descriptors. Haha. I don't match any of them. *off to analyze*
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
aww, thank you! :D that's so wonderful to read!

oh, I love unusual noses too! and of course, full lips, mmmm.
frecklestars ══╣╠══
I keep meaning to post about this topic, but never quite get around to it.

I don't have hard and fast standards per se. Usually my taste in men is a little more "standardizable" than my taste in women. Am not into gender binaries by any stretch of the imagination (especially not lately), but it does make it much easier to use clearly defined categories. eh heh

Men: broad shoulders, short hair, facial hair (usually - my partner does this adorable chin-strap sort of thing with his), eyes any color besides brown (because my own are brown and I like variety?). As for the women: _anything_! Large hips, small hips, skinny, curvy, long hair, short hair, any color eyes, big butt, small butt, in-between butt, etc etc etc. I'm not quite sure why I like more variety in women than I do men, but I do. I think the curvygirls community is really letting me see a variety of bodies, and get attracted to things I would've never thought twice about before. It's nice. :)

I'm not entirely sure if there's a difference between my aesthetic attractions and my sexual/romantic attractions...hrm. Something else to look in to.

On anyone, I do likepiercings/tattoos. I agree with you about no washboard abs on either sex - too creepily defined musculature is just not my thing. Lately, I've had an obsession with very short hair on people; I'm not sure if that's born of the desire to look at people who look like me, or what.

I'm sure there's more to elaborate upon, but my mind's going blank (mostly because I should be in the shower right now)!
belenen ══╣intrigued╠══
thanks for your answer! very cool.
blood_4_deniro ══╣╠══
very nice answer!! i'll give mine later tonight when i have more time...i need to get ready for work >:P
belenen ══╣amused╠══
:D
juansrx ══╣zoid1╠══
Well, I know I have some, but I`m not sure which are.

Sometimes I think something uncommon, weird, special people have their appeal, their own beauty.

I do not have static standards, I think.

belenen ══╣wild╠══
yes, yay for weirdness!
fionavere ══╣╠══
Women: Like most people have said, I like variety when it comes to women. Being a part of curvygirls has made me see that so many different things can be beautiful. I do enjoy seeing women who look like me in some way, especially small breasts, because it makes me feel better about myself somehow. I guess it's easier to look at someone else and think they are beautiful than it is to do the same with yourself, so sometimes it takes seeing similarities between yourself and others to make the connection that you're beautiful too. Wow, that's a mouthful, but I think it made sense! That being said, I do enjoy seeing bodies that are different than mine as well, it's like a change of scenery if you will. :)

I am a bit more specific when it comes to men. I think that's because I identify as heterosexual. I can look at a woman and simply appreciate her beauty without the thought of sex entering my mind. It's harder to do that with men. I feel like that sounds really bad, like I see men as sex objects or something, but I don't mean it that way. I guess it's kind of hard to explain. Anyway, I'll get to the "standards" if you will. I am ordinarily attracted to dark men. I feel bad for all of the pale blond guys out there because everyone has said that so far! I have never dated a man with blond hair, it's not like I've turned men down based on that or anything, I have just always ended up with dark haired men. Eye color isn't really a big thing for me, I guess I want them to have interesting eyes, but I don't have a specific color that makes me swoon or anything. I like lips though. Nice, thick, soft lips are very attractive to me. Other than that, I like the contrast between men and women. I want a man to look different than me. Androgyny doesn't do it for me at all. I tend to like men to be bigger than me, but as I am a pretty tall woman that is sometimes difficult to find. My husband is smaller than me, both in height and build, and I find him very attractive. My boyfriend is bigger than me, he's hot too. I just like masculinity. I like the things about men that make the different from women. None of this is stuff that I would turn someone down based on (with the possible exception of the masculinity/androgyny thing), they're just preferences, and what would catch my eye initially.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
thanks for your answer! ;-)
queerbychoice ══╣╠══
I've tended to be most commonly attracted to dark coloring and androgyny, but every time I meet a person whose mind I fall in love with, I become attracted to their body too, and from that time on, I tend to also be attracted to everybody else who has the same body type they do. So the range of body types I'm attracted to right away, before getting to know the minds inside them, is continually expanding as I fall in love with more and more different people with more and more different body types.
belenen ══╣eccentric╠══
yessssss!!! I've noticed this in myself too.
blood_4_deniro ══╣╠══
ok...back from work, so i can reply.

women - as far as body-wise, i'll give an example...i'd take Marilyn Monroe, Scarlett Johansson, present-Britney and old Lindsay Lohan over Keira Knightley, old-Britney and new-Lindsay. the women i've always found attractive were the ones with the more soft curvier bodies. with dark or red hair (except light ginger hair), light eyes (green or blue), and pale skin, almond-shaped eyes. i'm not much into fake tans either. freckles are a plus, too.

men - i'm not into the bodybuilder or overly muscular gym-rat type, and i dislike 6-packs as well. taller than me, olive-skin tone or pale skin, light eyes (blue, green, light brown, hazel), or very dark almost black eyes, dark hair, thicker eyebrows. more accurately tho is Eastern European look or Sicilian look. i cant describe it exactly.

piercings and tattoos are nice, if they person looks like it suits them. 1 thing that's a definite no-no for me is stretched ears...for some reason, i really dont like that

but someone (male or female) can have the exact looks above, and if theyre not intelligent, there's no way i could be attracted to them. brains over looks every time!
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
mmmmmm, Scarlett! :D

thanks for your answer!
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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.