November 2017
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identity: my self-labels and my definitions of them


Words and actions are like clothing; we can express ourselves with them, but they cannot describe the person we are. They can hint, they can shout, but they cannot sum us up. People are simply too complex, and too much of us exists in a place where no one can see actions or hear words. The only label that has any worth is our self-label: the words we choose to dress ourselves in. And even those have no worth until we explain our own meaning for them.

On that note, here are the words I wear: spiritual, creative, honest, open, compassionate, bisexual, polyamorous, partnered, nuevo-gypsy, Georgian, curvy body-positive, fiercely individualistic, feminist/equalist, genderfree female-bodied person. (in no particular order) And my definitions:

spiritual: I don't adhere to any one religion, but believe in whatever resonates with me. The main belief systems I draw from are ancient Egyptian concepts (including aspects of Kemetic Orthodoxy), Native American animism, Christianity, and Buddhism (I don't know much about it but I really love Hotei). I worship God/dess, and have a relationship with several of hir personalities, of Christian and Kemetic names. Ultimately I believe God/dess is love, that the physical world is a metaphor for the spiritual world, and that we chose to come to earth to learn how to love more. I believe everything is connected, all things have a spirit and a name, and there is no such thing as a coincidence.

creative: I am one who creates. I do my best to create love in myself and others, and to pour myself out in my creations: my writing, photography, modeling, beadweaving, painting, dancing, singing -- whatever way I can. I believe that every act of creation ripples out and changes the world (as does destruction, but that in a negative way). Even if no one ever sees my art, I feel I have changed the world simply by creating it (though I think it has even more power when shared).

honest: I do my best to never lie. I think 'little white lies' are like 'little white maggots' that infest connectedness and ruin it. Even one 'little white maggot' in a bowl of soup is going to make you not want to eat it -- I feel the same way about lies. If you can't trust me on something small, how can you trust me with your heart? also, little white maggotlies are usually born from insecurity in the relationship, or lack of willingness to work out all issues. 'I don't want to offend her' or 'I don't want conflict.' Conflict is the best source of growth. I say brrrrring it oooooooon.

open: I will share myself with my friends without prompting, and I will share myself with strangers upon them showing the interest to know. I think every time one person shares themselves with another, that creates more of a connection and ripples out to affect the whole world. To me, honesty is giving truth when it is asked for (passive), and openness is offering your truth (active).

compassionate: My most intense passion in life is to learn, in order to grow, and to grow, in order to love - more deeply, more freely, more openly. I believe love is my purpose for being. The more I love people, the easier it gets, because I come to understand them more, and when you truly understand a person, it's the easiest and most natural thing in the world to love them. I believe that at core we are all amazing, glorious spirits of incalculable worth. We all have a level of brokenness that keeps our spirits from being able to shine as they were meant to, but every act of love ripples out a wave of healing.

bisexual: For me, this means I am open to a romantic/sexual relationship with any person, regardless of what sex they are (including intersexed and transsexual people). I prefer the term 'bisexual' because I want to change the negative ideas people have about that term, because I have an irrational dislike of 'pansexual', and because other terms seem to evade the point -- that I'm not attracted to only one sex. I'm attracted to the spirits, which come in earthsuits of many different shapes.

polyamorous: For me, this means that I am open to multiple committed relationships, and I am open to sexual experiences (with my partners and with others) for the sake of the growth and connection that they offer. (full post on the subject -- how I choose my lovers)

partnered: I prefer this term to 'married' because it more accurately describes the relationship my partner and I have. He is not my husband (a word which originally meant 'master of the house' and in most marriages I've seen, still means that), he is my partner, the person I share my life with in a completely equal relationship. There is no 'head' of our household -- we are both followers of the same vision, walkers down the same path. Partner also removes the 'straight' implication which 'married' seems to have. My partner's name is Ben, and we've been together since January 2002, legally married since December 2003.

nuevo-gypsy, Georgian: I'm a wanderer. Maybe because my dad was in the military and I moved a lot as a kid, maybe because I have Pavee heritage (guesses/hopes, not known for sure), maybe just because I am insatiably curious and want to meet all the people I can. Whatever the case, I don't like staying in one place for more than a year or two at a time. Ideally I'd like to be traveling for at least half the year, and spend all of summer in Georgia. I have intense ties to this state, not so much because of the people I know here, but because of the land itself. I have red clay in my veins. And I love the warmth of the climate (deep, baking heat mmm) and the people (who wave and smile back!). I love southerners -- we're like other people, only more so. ;-)

curvy body-positive: I have curves, and I love them. I believe that variety is beauty, and subtle curves are as attractive as voluptuous curves and vice versa. I have fat in the same way that I have skin, blood, and muscles -- it is a part of me. I like it well enough (makes me soft and fun to hug!) but it doesn't define me. In my mind, I have completely eradicated the false belief that the thinner you are the more attractive you are. Instead, I believe unique = attractive and since we are all unique we are all attractive. I find thick and thin people equally attractive. I love my body because it is MINE -- I wouldn't trade it for the body of a 'super'model if you paid me a million dollars. I believe I have the perfect looks, as does everyone else, since we are supposed to look like ourselves. There is no such thing as a 'body flaw'! In June 2005, I created curvygirls, which is making ripples of change in the world through celebrating variety as beauty.

fiercely individualistic: you may have guessed this by now, but I am passionately in favor of everyone being themselves. I speak up as much as I can when faced with the false belief that people need to conform to ANY standard.

feminist/equalist: I am a feminist because women are still oppressed all over the world. We are still in need of liberation and empowerment. I am an equalist because I believe that all discrimination is linked. If we eliminate sexism, we will eliminate heterosexism (homophobia). If we eliminate racism, we are much closer to eliminating sexism. And everyone suffers from discrimination. White straight men are the most privileged group (in the US anyway), and even they suffer because they are taught arrogance and callousness, distance, stoicism, cynicism. (TAUGHT that -- it is not inherent and it is unlearnable) If any human suffers, we all suffer. I'm anti-porn for too many reasons to list here, but this site will give you an inkling.

nudist: I'm a nudist because nudity is the natural human state. It has been fetishized by our culture, but there is nothing inherently sexual about it. Sex is a function of our bodies, it is not their purpose; their primary purpose is to allow us to interact with the world. (whole rant here)

genderfree female-bodied person: I experience life as a woman (from the way the world views/treats me), and live in a female body. But I believe that the inner self, the true self, is sexless. I am not a woman -- I am a PERSON. Don't get me wrong: I love what I have learned from my experience in a female body, and I love my shape. But they are just part of my experience -- they are not who I am. I am a spirit living in a body that happens to be female. (full post here)


I'm also quite verbose. obviously :D but this is long even for me.

LJ idol topic 0: introduction/open topic (no voting this round!)

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Comments
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armandii ══╣╠══
You are quite remarkable in the way you share yourself so openly and unreservedly. I admire that quality enormously. I am curious about the polyamory. Are there feelings of hurt and or jealousy between you and your partner (husband)? Personally those emotions would be huge were my partner to want a sexual relationship outside of our relationship and I wonder how you both deal with these things. I am assuming here that your partner is also leading or intends to lead a polyamorous life style.
belenen ══╣honesty╠══
thank you for the lovely compliments ♥

I imagine that when one of us begins a second relationship there will be issues of jealousy every now and then as we learn to properly balance our time and effort, but on the concept itself, I have no jealousy. I can imagine myself happily sharing him with someone else (as long as I got to be friends with that person and get to know them). In my opinion, jealousy is a symptom of a problem in the relationship, but not necessarily a problem in itself.

Dunno if that was clear -- it's a concept that I have trouble putting into words!
upasaka ══╣me looking at you╠══
Very interesting! You use different words to express many of the same things I would say about myself. I especially like what you have to say about "partnered" -- people's expectations about what it is to be married are just so completely inapplicable to my partner and myself!

I am, though, an eastern seaboarder as you are a southerner. The call of the gull, the ebb and flow of the tides, and the breezes of the Chesapeake are in my veins.
belenen ══╣tree wisdom╠══
glad you found it interesting!

and I think it's great that you have a connection with the land you live in -- I think it is something that is all too rare, and so important.
aeonbluert ══╣╠══
Although we are different in many ways, i deeply admire your openness and strength of beliefs. thank you for posting this, you seem like a great person, and one I hope I can be better friends with.
belenen ══╣adoring╠══
thank you so much!
tralfamadore ══╣╠══
Every time I read one of your self-descriptions, I find myself standing in awe at how you manage to be so uniquely you in a society that by nature rejects so many of the ideas that you have put down here. How you managed to overcome that and understand that the person you are is the person you felt comfortable showing to the world... It's amazing to me. One day I truly hope to have your strength and courage to show myself fully as I truly am. You are so inspirational.
belenen ══╣kissy╠══
oh wow, what an amazing thing to say! thank you so very much! ♥ ♥ ♥ *hugs*
mourningdoveava ══╣╠══
Remind me sometime to get in a really involved talk with you about spirituality...I sense I'd be fascinated with a lot of what you have to say (I've found myself interested in aspects of Kemetic orthodoxy, myself). I love, love, love learning about other people's belief systems.
belenen ══╣spiritual╠══
oh yes, most definitely! I can't wait to have those talks ;-)
phydeau ══╣╠══
I'll let you have summers in the south. I don't feel as if I'm being baked like a potato, but rather steamed, like broccoli. Me? I'll take the fog and the drizzle of the Pacific Northwest. And I really miss it.

Don't worry about being verbose. You and words seem to get along famously.
belenen ══╣amused╠══
*giggles* I always say I'd rather sweat than shiver! :D

and thankie! ;-D
blood_4_deniro ══╣╠══
i love the way you describe yourself. i may have to borrow this format for my own journal ;)

nuevo-gypsy southerner: I'm a wanderer. Maybe because my dad was in the military and I moved a lot as a kid, maybe because I have Pavee heritage (guesses/hopes, not known for sure), maybe just because I am insatiably curious and want to meet all the people I can. Whatever the case, I don't like staying in one place for more than a year or two at a time. Ideally I'd like to be traveling for at least half the year, and spend all of summer in Georgia. I have intense ties to this state, not so much because of the people I know here, but because of the land itself. I have red clay in my veins. And I love the warmth of the climate (deep, baking heat mmm) and the people (who wave and smile back!). I love southerners -- we're like other people, only more so. ;-)

that describes me exactly. i've been in Indiana for 13 years (ugh...) and it's driven me crazy at the 3rd year being here. add 10 more onto that. this is the longest i've been in 1 place at a time. before that we moved once every 2 - 3 years since dad was in the Navy. i wanna travel everywhere. i've been to all but 10 states. i've seen more things in the US by age 16 than most have seen all their life. the only thing that keeps me from going insane is we live near KY and OH and Brent and i are always driving to other towns in either IN, KY, or OH.

i dunno if Virginia would count as South, or Eastern seaboard. there's 3 sections of VA. Tidewater, Mountains, and DC area. i'm from (born anyway) Tidewater (Portsmouth/Norfolk/VABeach) and i miss it. the ocean, the seagulls, the bridge-tunnel. *sigh* but i'm still southern. i loooove grits, cornbread, chicken 'n' dumplins, etc. but ask anyone from VA who's from the coast and you get the same answer from all of them "I'm from VA...but not the mountains...or DC!" (lol)
anchasta ══╣╠══
*puts on grill*
Portsmouth, VA represent! WHOO!

*giggles*
blood_4_deniro ══╣╠══
Re: *puts on grill*
belenen ══╣╠══
deleon ══╣╠══
I love the way you described the potential negative effects of "little white lies" -very insightful.
belenen ══╣honesty╠══
thank you! ;-)
anchasta ══╣╠══
Oh, I like you! Nice to meet you, and I look forward to reading more from you.

Huzzah for curvy genderfree gypsy southerners! I have a few of those myself who I love dearly!
belenen ══╣intrigued╠══
awww thank you! *beams* it's fun to be liked :D

A FEW curvy genderfree gypsy southerners?!?!? Hurry up and introduce me, quick quick! *giggles* I need more of that kind of person in my life, f'real.
anchasta ══╣╠══
kindapoetry ══╣╠══
I could comment on pretty much any aspect to of this, it was brilliant. I love the part about being partnered; I fully embrace the idea myself. Husband/wife has this connotation of different playing fields, different levels as it were; I've only met one other person (aside from myself) that openly uses the same description.

Mind if I friend you? ^_^
belenen ══╣adoring╠══
thanks so much! I'm glad you agree!

sorry for the delayed response but of course I don't mind, I'm flattered. :D
rosepurr ══╣travel╠══
I understand the wanderlust. I am full of it myself.
belenen ══╣wanderlust╠══
are you a part of thosegypsies or http://www.couchsurfing.com/ ? They're both so beautifully inspiring.
rosepurr ══╣╠══
spydielives ══╣╠══
We shall get along well, I suspect.

Looking forward to reading more of your writing.
belenen ══╣writing╠══
yay! thank you :D
jenniology ══╣Love╠══
I fall a little more in love with you for every post you make. ^^; You seriously rock, girl.
belenen ══╣kissy╠══
awwwwwwwww thank you so much lovey ♥
kittenboo ══╣hair in face╠══
1. curves are beautiful
2. nuevo-gypsy is an awesome term

:)
belenen ══╣beautiful╠══
agreement! yay! :D
flutterbychild ══╣╠══
Hi! I think I like you already because you are so very much like me yet so different as to make me want to know more! Even from this, I sense that you are so full of love and spirit and positive energy that my own spirit reaches out to yours and wishes to dance with you...
belenen ══╣dancy╠══
awww, how wonderful! I'm happy to get the chance to get to know you :D

*spirit-dances with you*
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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.