December 2017
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porn, women, and masculinity


I posted my body image poll in kissmyass_cosmo and got interesting poll results but mildly irritating comments. Anyway, the community is heavily linked to this anti-porn site, which has statistics on porn and its relation to abuse -- both cause and effect. So I wandered over there and ended up reading a very well-written article about porn.

I had thought that porn was a couple having sex in front of a camera, and though I believe that having non-marital sex is detrimental to humans, I didn't think porn was twisted. I find nothing disgusting about a man and woman having sex. However, from this site I learned that most porn isn't about sex -- it is about sexuality that has nothing to do with real sex. Porn is about men using women as "dick receptacles." Porn is twisted. (I won't get graphic -- you can read the article for yourself, or explore the site) Porn harms women by debasing them, making them less than human, and it harms men by encouraging them to associate women as lesser beings, only worth notice if they look and act like a porn 'star' -- creatures meant to be used for selfish gratification. Not to mention it has been shown to cause lack of interest (and/or ability) in the real thing.

So the question "why?" arises. Why do men who use porn feel the need to do so? Because it gives them the sense of masculinity they need. Masculinity in this age has been warped. Men have been taught that masculinity is growing in power by robbing it from others. True masculinity is that desire placed within every man to pursue greatness and protect that which he loves. He needs a battle to fight, something that requires him to be strong. Unfortunately, the desire to protect has been warped into the desire to own. There are men whose desire to protect and serve is pure; my husband is one of them. However, the vast majority of men in our culture have had fathers who did not teach them to be real men -- instead they were taught by example to be tyrants and users.

A true man protects his woman. He protects her soul from insecurity by expressing his delight in her own personal beauty. He protects her body from any physical pain or want he can prevent. He protects her spirit by cherishing her, serving her in little ways that make her feel worthy. He thinks first of her good, and then his own. This is true masculinity.


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Comments
sky_falls_down ══╣╠══
PORN, WOMEN, AND MASCULINITY
i think that's the best subject line i've ever seen.
izzard_uk ══╣╠══
I think you're right. Most porn is like that. However, in the interest of a balanced argument it's worth noting that there is some porn that gives a more 'even' approach. In fact, if you look for it, there is porn where men are the 'objects'. And that sort of porn has nothing to do with making men feel more masculine - quite the opposite!

Porn is definitely bad for the reasons you've given. But it's also a popular form of entertainment that brings joy to many couples. After all, it's really up to the viewer and how they interpret it.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
Well, I'm not going to judge anyone for watching porn -- but I think that the very fact that porn exists is a horrible thing. Not everyone may feel the same way -- but so many women are abused in that industry I cannot, in good conscience, watch a pornographic movie. Also, I think presenting sex in a light where love and beauty don't enter into it is wrong, and I don't want to absorb that mentality.

For instance, the lead in "Deep Throat" was raped at gunpoint to make that movie. She wasn't consenting at all. The fact that that happened gives me the worry that if I were to watch and enjoy a porno, I might be enjoying someone's pain without knowing it.
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.