November 2017
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thoughts on my identity post and 'lj idol' in general, and 3 selfportraits


Since I posted that loooooooooooooooooooooooooooong list of my self-labels and their meanings, I've become increasingly dissatisfied with it! I didn't mention anything about being a nudist, or about my belief in interconnectedness or my love of people (I kiiiinda did under the 'compassionate' heading, but not really), and I barely touched on my spirituality which leaves out soooooo much of who I am... argh. I didn't even mention curvygirls, which is a huge part of my life, or LJ itself, which practically IS my life. I suppose I proved to myself that words can't sum me up :-p What did you guys who know me well (and who made it through the whole thing, heh) think of it, as far as how it expressed me? I feel like it comes off clinical :-p ARGH! I have to at least add the nudity and curvygirls stuff, but I'm going to try to keep from turning it into a whole novel. This from the person who can't resist filling out profiles everywhere. At least I didn't put it all in my userinfo! haha.

LJ idol has been such an adventure already! There are 156 contestants (I pity the mods for having to work out a voting system on that) and nearly HALF of them posted their response to this week's topic ('my favorite childhood memory') in the FIRST DAY! Crazy. I thought all creative people were procrastinators, heh. And I am anxious to get mine done because 1) I want to read others' entries and I'm not letting myself until mine is written, and 2) I want to be read! and 3) I have a good idea of how I want to compose my entry.

BTW, do any of you compose entries in your head when you're not even at the computer? Often -- I'd say the majority of the time -- my posts have been written and re-written in my head before I ever sit to type. (I'm such an LJ addict. and perfectionist.)

My participation in this thing is odd 'cause I don't believe in one-on-one competition (as opposed to team competition), ESPECIALLY in the realm of art. I think the only way to really judge art is to judge how much of hirself the artist poured in, and there's no way to accurately measure that. So I'm trying to ignore the judging/voting aspect, but I want to stay in, so I still want alla y'all to vote for me, heh. *giggles* And there are so many amazing writers -- I have no idea how anyone would manage to vote. There were at LEAST 20 posts that I admired/enjoyed very much, and pretty much equally. I expect to be eliminated fairly early, but I plan to continue posting on the topics and voting.




(does that look grainy/oversharpened to you? we got a new monitor and everything looks different :-\)


sunlight and my eyes -- don't be fooled, I was having the hardest time keeping from squinting.


love how the light falls into my eyes and pools at the bottom of them.

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Comments
growing_wise ══╣╠══
I don't know what the hell is wrong with my LJ but I keep missing your posts. Makes me wonder what else I'm missing!

I'll go back to your 'labels' post and read it today.

♥!

(P.S. Yes, I compose LJ entries in my head all the time!!)
belenen ══╣kissy╠══
o! well I hope LJ starts behaving for you! and yay! let me know what you think when you do ;-)

♥!
theindiequeen ══╣╠══
I really liked your "labels" post. You just seemed so honest and open and "hey, guys, this is the way I am." It was really fun to read. I wanted to comment on it but I didn't really know what to say.
belenen ══╣vivacious╠══
oh yay, thanks so much! ;-)
minikin ══╣╠══
Those photos are great. The play of light and shadow, and being able to see the color of your eyes so clearly...


belenen ══╣selfportraiture╠══
thank you! :D
phydeau ══╣╠══
I pretty much ONLY write when I've heard something in my head worth writing about. So, yes. Unless I'm responding to someone else, in which case I babble like this. :)
belenen ══╣amused╠══
:D I talk out loud to myself, if no one else is around *giggles*
celestialsight ══╣Purple╠══
I think it is impossible to fully sum ourselves up in one short journal entry. In fact, I have been thinking about how in all the years I've had my journal, I think there are still pieces of me that aren't really reflected here through my writing. (I was thinking of doing a journal entry about just that -- yeah, I work out journal entries in my head quite often, and it sounds really good at the time I'm thinking it and then when I go to write it, it never seems to come out quite the way I wanted or I forget where I was going with that thought and don't end up writing it at all, heh) Anyway...

I liked the self-labels and their meanings. With all of the entries there are over there to read, I think the list format was easy to read and well written. I always have such a hard time with those introductory type things. Most people write about their jobs and their spouse and/or kids, etc as if that is what defines who they are. (Not that those aren't big parts of who we are, but I like that you are so open and in-tune with who you are on a deeper level that that, if any of that made sense).

Good luck with ljidol!

belenen ══╣analytical╠══
thanks so much for this thoughtful response ;-) and I'm glad you liked it!
notashamed ══╣[angie] windy hair╠══
I'm glad you're excited about the ljidol thing. I hope the excitement stays with you! My problem for things like that is that I always get excited and inspired at the beginning and then it disappears a few days later.

And yes, I compose my LJ posts in my head all the time. They very rarely stay close to the version that was in my head, but I give them that much thought.
acid_burns ══╣angelina jolie / she's learning to live╠══
[icon love.]
notashamed ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣╠══
dulce_sky ══╣╠══
Belenen,

This is Eliza from OKC... I love your journal and I really look forward to reading it! Uhm, I'm not quite sure what to say, there's so much that's amazing about you, I'm pretty speechless. That never happens. Hmmm.
belenen ══╣vivacious╠══
*giggles* yay! welcome to my LJ :D I look forward to getting to know ya.
deleon ══╣╠══
I love those photos!
belenen ══╣vivacious╠══
thanks muchly! :D
acid_burns ══╣angelina jolie / she's learning to live╠══
Somehow I have this feeling you'll do wonderfully on ljidol :)

Beautiful pictures. I think I'm genuinely in love with your eyes.
belenen ══╣nuzzle╠══
well thank you lovey! I'm hoping that my lj friends don't get sick of me posting about it because it's estimated to go on for a LONG time. like, 4-6 months maybe :-o But who knows how much of that I'll be in for, so *shrugs* I guess I'll just see what happens!

awwww thank you so much! *nuzzles*
spydielives ══╣╠══
As far as my Idol posts go, I will either come up with an idea and grind it out while I am showering, or I sit down at a word processor and do some free association with the topic first.

I almost always just put up my first draft too, without worrying it to death (although I have once or twice requested feedback from a few people first, just to be sure).

I wouldn't tell anyone else how to write their entries... just go with your gut!
belenen ══╣amused╠══
oh, I meant entries in general, not for LJ idol. ;-)

I never understood that whole 'draft' thing myself -- I'm sure it made sense back when you couldn't backspace or delete or cut and paste, but nowadays it seems just plain silly. Writing teachers need to catch up with the times! *giggles*
spydielives ══╣╠══
When to write?
belenen ══╣╠══
Re: When to write?
diepunyhuman ══╣╠══

The last one is absolutely beautiful.
belenen ══╣selfportraiture╠══
thank you lovey ♥
mister_smartass ══╣╠══
yeah I know - I thought it was odd that you left out sprituality. you hardly ever talk about that anymore.
belenen ══╣confused╠══
well, I didn't leave it out completely, I just left out some elements that I think I should add...

I'm confused by you saying I hardly ever talk about it, 'cause I feel like I do... do you mean talk about it specifically, rather than mentioning it in passing?
mister_smartass ══╣╠══
roina_arwen ══╣LJ Idol - Season 4╠══
You have such gorgeous eyes *swoon*

Also, you're such a marvelous writer, that I expect you to last longer than I do! Just so's you know.

(My own personal goal is to make it to the Top 50)
belenen ══╣writing╠══
awww thank you! :D

and WOW, thank you, I'm very flattered! ♥

I hope you make your goal ;-)
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.