December 2017
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first Curves visit of 2008 / my physical limits / feelings toward exercise & body love


Yesterday I went in to Curves and got started using my gift certificate (my goal is to go three times a week). The lady who was working gave me a bit of a hassle when I refused to be weighed and measured like a slab of meat so that they could feel accomplished if my body changes weight or shape. (I know how fit I am by how I feel and what I can do!) But she got over it when she realized I wasn't to be coerced, and she was very nice overall. It was more crowded than the times I had been there on my trial week, and everyone was so friendly and positive. ♥ I was impressed with the range of sizes; it was very satisfying to see with my own eyes that fitness has very little to do with size.

As I started doing the round, I slipped into this almost trance-like state of communing with my body -- it felt amazing. As I used the machines (hydraulic, using your own force against you which is such a natural form of exercise), listening to upbeat music and feeling the flow of energy through my body, I remembered what it felt like to be strong and energetic and flexible. How I used to feel like I had no limits, like my body would do whatever I asked of it. The second round got harder and I started to feel tired, and halfway through I had to go sit down. My head was spinning, everything was blurry, and sounds were faded by the buzzing in my ears. I started to get a little scared when it didn't go away, but the supervisor brought me some water and crackers (and asked if I wanted her to call 911! I said no), and after I managed to choke down one of the crackers I started to feel better. I did the stretches and left.

I actually came up against the limits of my body! I've always been strong -- even when I was little I often carried around others who weighed nearly as much as I did. I think part of the reason I haven't gotten started was that I was a little afraid of finding my limits, especially when I have never met them before. Now I know them, I think I will just do one round for a while, and work my way up. And I will listen to my body before I get to the point of passing out. I'm disappointed that I've gotten so weak, but at the same time I'm excited because it means I will actually FEEL the difference in my body as I get stronger.

When I was a child my parents taught me a hatred of exercise by forcing me to do the kind I despise -- running on a track. It hurt my shins, it was horridly dull with no room for imagination, there was no goal beyond working out (such as connecting with one's body or the earth), and they made me do it for the wrong reasons. I equated exercise with my male bio-parent's criticism and mockery of my body. He made me exercise because otherwise I might 'get fat' or 'fatter' and made me run because that was the type of exercise HE enjoyed. Had they allowed me to dance or swim instead, I would have developed a love for exercise, I believe.

Now that I have learned that exercise doesn't have to be drudgery or self-hating, that fat is just a body part, NOT an enemy (and a very soft, sexy body part at that), and that I am beautiful no matter if I am voluptuous or slender, I actually like it. I doubt I'll ever take to running -- E-cup women aren't really built to run -- but I love that feeling of creating new strength, being truly one with my body.


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Comments
zonker25 ══╣╠══
growing_wise ══╣Ani - I am a work in progress╠══
your mileage may vary...
"Unlike running, it doesn't hurt"

I disagree! Walking long distances has always hurt for me. My ankles start burning in pain after about 1/2 mile and I can hardly stand it. It's been this way ever since I was a teenager. It hurts my back, too, after a while.
belenen ══╣╠══
growing_wise ══╣Ani - I am a work in progress╠══
I wish I had your outlook. I hate exercise, and for many of the same reasons you used to hate it. My mother forced me to go with her to the gym when I was a chubby teenager and I absolutely hated it.

I recently discovered water aerobics and I did really enjoy that, now it's just finding the time, determination, and money to do it on a regular basis!!
belenen ══╣aquarius╠══
ohh, water aerobics! I tried that once and loved it. I would definitely prefer that but there aren't any classes remotely near me. :-p
kmiotutsie ══╣╠══
hell YEAH, bel!! go you!!
belenen ══╣bel hearts firekat╠══
:D
kmiotutsie ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣╠══
supremegoddess1 ══╣╠══
I loved Curves when I went to it, I just don't have the time anymore...
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
yeah, I know how that goes... :-p
rockstarjoker4 ══╣╠══
I've never liked running either. In fact, I have a similar hatred of excercise problem. I've never tried curves though. I might have to give it a shot!
belenen ══╣curvygirl -- me╠══
definitely! I get bored easily when it comes to exercise but Curves' routine doesn't bore me!
smurfb1ue ══╣who you are is beautiful╠══
I adore Curves because of what it does for women and that it is for women specifically. The women I met while working there have been incredible!
The only frustrating thing about the franchise is that they do really push weighing and measuring because they assume every woman wants to measure success by the inches and pounds they lose.
Congratulations on meeting your limits!
belenen ══╣curvygirl -- me╠══
the first time I went the lady I talked to didn't push it, but this time I got a different lady who did push it. But after I was firm they left me alone about it. ;-)

Eek, I don't know if that's really a thing to congratulate -- I was a afraid that I was going to have a heart attack or just die, literally. I don't ever want to get that close to collapsing again!
hottergirl01 ══╣╠══
I'm totally doing Weight Watchers. I agree on the running thing...D-cup girls aren't good at it either. It can give you black eyes! And people stare! Ew.
belenen ══╣confused╠══
...? weight watchers? I'm not doing this to lose weight, so I don't see the relevance...?
hottergirl01 ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣╠══
acid_burns ══╣╠══
I wish I had such motivation and determination. You're wonderful :) And this is good for you ♥
belenen ══╣curvygirl -- me (cynosure)╠══
;-) I can't wait to get some of my old strength back.
phydeau ══╣╠══
I'd just like to throw my 2 cents in as a man: I only run if I'm about to be killed by something. I'd much rather swim, walk, ride a bike, do pliates, poke myself in the eye with a sharp stick, ANYTHING but run.
acid_burns ══╣bones / m'kay╠══
The guy has a point! ;)
belenen ══╣╠══
kiwi ══╣╠══
E-cup women aren't really built to run

Biggest understatement ever. I also enjoy the bit about how it's actually not that great for the bones in your pelvis to run (especially for us ladies, with the child-bearing hips and all) - I'm all about the eliptical machine. Less jarring, yanno?

Good for you, btw, for standing against the measuring success by size bit - YOU know when you're at your healthiest, you don't need equations, charts, and affirmation of people you don't know very well to tell you otherwise. :)
belenen ══╣curvygirl -- me (organic)╠══
amen, yo! Not to mention that those charts are complete quackery with no science to back them up :-p *stops before she launches into the whole anti-BMI rant*
lorelei_sakti ══╣╠══
Oooh, I'm so happy for you! Exercise is so much fun. I love feeling my body growing stronger. Sometimes, I put the weights at the setting I began at in August just to feel how easy they've become to lift now. It makes me happy. =)

P.S. I don't like running, either.
belenen ══╣curvygirl -- me╠══
:D I like weight lifting... I used to do it all the time in high school and freshman year in college. Yay for you getting stronger!
blood_4_deniro ══╣happy kitty╠══
i'm glad you had fun @ Curves! the one in my town closed down, so there's just the "country club" and the "only sorority girls go there to flirt with all the frat boys" gyms left in town. i never liked running either (except when i would play a sport like soccer), especially after i tore both achilles (at separate times tho).

i hope you continue having fun at the gym ^__^

oh, and i got your package in the mail today! thank you so much for the books. it was such a surprise, and the glitter-covered green cloth they were wrapped in was a magical touch, too! thank you so much. i'm already 3 chapters into the Beauty Myth (amazing book)! be expecting your package within the next week (depending on the mail carriers that is)
belenen ══╣curvygirl -- me (belly goddess)╠══
man, that sucks! You need to MOVE, lady! to Georgia!!!

YAY! I'm so happy it got there safely :D

oooooooohh YAY!!! package for MEEEEE!!! :D
sidheblessed ══╣╠══
I'm glad your trip to Curves was positive and good on you for refusing to be weighed - you go girl! But you knew that already. ;)
belenen ══╣curvygirl -- me (belly goddess)╠══
:D thanks!
jania_monster ══╣╠══
Late to the party as usual, but this was a really inspirational post for me. I've been meaning to do exactly the same. I used to be really strong too and now I can hardly battle the evil rotatiing doors... I should take better care of my muscles.

that you really DID this and joined a gym is really inspiring for me. It makes me feel that maybe I can actually do it too. Perhaps I'm a sheep who needs to follow a whistle. I'm glad you whistled! XDDD *hugs you tight* ^___^
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.