September 2017
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dreams (I meet Nea in south GA, go skinnydipping w her friends / I talk to Hannah about DID, help)


I went to south GA, where I spent my early childhood, and met Nea! We went exploring in the woods (bridges through swampy areas, dark like old forests are) and came upon a semi-deserted strip mall. As we walked down the street I noticed a flyer saying Missy Higgins was coming to town in about two weeks, and we excitedly discussed the possibility of Nea coming back to town for the concert (I think I was offering to pay, or knew of a way it wouldn't be too expensive). We moved on from the teeeeeeeeeeeeny town and came upon a lake/pond where about 20 of Nea's friends were (!?!). We all got in the water, me naked of course -- cops came around but I managed to escape notice by putting my arms on top of my (cartoonishly) buoyant breasts and submerging myself. Then the cops left and we all got out of the water and lounged on the bank in a large circle, talking. One of her friends joked about the difference between male and female (something not-body-related), which pissed me off since I don't believe in that shit, but I kept my mouth shut. THEN he made some 'joke' about having sex with her, and I turned to her and said, "You better kick his ass! ... unless he was talking to someone else," because I realized he didn't specify who he was talking to and there were two other girls sitting next to Nea. (this whole dream happened at night, but it must have been a full moon because it was easy to see)

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Hannah had been spending time with me -- she got me a new camera specifically for taking videos, and we were dressing up and eating ice cream and cuddling, all kinds of amazing things. Then she left, out of the blue, and I didn't know what to think. She called me up, crying, and said she didn't know why she did that but she couldn't stop herself. I suddenly had a flash of insight where I saw different aspects of Hannah -- she had disassociated into about 12 identities, four strong and the rest smaller aspects of the four strong ones. I knew some of their names, and I knew who did what. I told her about this, that she was literally unable to do anything because one of the stronger identities had taken over. She wasn't fully separated, like multiple personality disorder, but was aware and watching as the other personality took over. She was encouraged to hear this, and I remembered my own journey to integration and told her about it, and went through my books and found passages and read them to her. My mom was in the background, in the same room as me, and she told me "tell her about the grieving" at which I laughed and said, "we both know grieving!" but told her anyway. I had another vision of Hannah beside a sink, leaning on it, and looking up at me with bloodshot eyes. She asked if it would get better and I said yes, yes it will definitely get better.


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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.