August 2017
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dream (joy to dancing about living in old room) / my old room in my bioparents' GA house


last night I dreamed of living in my old room in my bioparents' GA house. In the dream, I was filled with such joy every time I went in that I danced!

A lot of bad things happened in that house but my room was a sanctuary. It was the beginning of my independence; I decided to move into it one day and hauled all my stuff down two flights of stairs while my parents were out, including furniture (they were upset that I 'could have been hurt' but they didn't want to haul it all back upstairs, so I won). It was the first time I did not have to share a room, and I bought and installed locks on the doors myself (mainly to protect against my klepto sibs). It was in the basement next to the garage, a long room that stretched the width of the house. Long enough to cartwheel comfortably in! Large enough to dance wildly in! Separated from my toxic family by a whole level! Because it was the basement, I got to hang things on the wall for the first time (before I wasn't allowed because of tack-holes). There was no light switch, so I turned on the light by screwing/unscrewing a bulb, and I tacked fairy lights to the ceiling and plugged them in for a softer light (my preference unless I was reading). Sometimes I would hang sheets from the ceiling in a maze, so that I felt I was making a sacred journey to the half of the room where I actually lived (like a labyrinth). It had no windows but it had a sliding glass door that opened into the backyard, oh, how I LOVED it. It let in the most beautiful light during the day and at night I could slip outside under the moon without anyone ever knowing (because my bioparents would DEFINITELY have disapproved). And when it RAINED??? There was nothing more beautiful.

God/dess, I loved that room. I miss it so much! I have a 5'x3' sanctuary now -- back then the entire ROOM was my sanctuary, and it was about the size of my current livingroom + bedroom. Part of me desperately wants to move back. The other part says "rent is too much" and "too much space" and "too long a commute for Nimajn" and "the house would need cleansing" and "that room needs fumigating and new carpet before it will be livable" (the renters kept dogs in there) and "the only way it'd be feasible would be to share it with mom, who would Not Approve of my life". But I miss it. And I miss the mimosa. and I miss being able to walk down to the pool. And I miss Emerald, my tree friend. and I miss having actual WOODS right THERE. And not having to worry about neighbors seeing me if I leave the blinds wide open. Oh... *yearns*


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acid_burns ══╣an american crime╠══
belenen ══╣blossoming╠══
dragonwine ══╣black tea╠══
belenen ══╣interconnectedness╠══
dragonwine ══╣black tea╠══
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belenen ══╣tree wisdom╠══
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belenen ══╣tree joy╠══
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sidheblessed ══╣╠══
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painted_dreams ══╣╠══
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belenen ══╣interconnectedness╠══
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.