August 2017
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dream (paula and spencer) depressing stuff


depressing stuff.
I dreamed about Paula and Spencer last night and woke up crying. In the dream, I went over to their house for some reason and started talking to Paula, who was being very cutting. Then Spencer got mad at her for hurting me and made us talk things out so she'd be rational. Then everything was all good and I woke up so so so so sad because it wasn't real, and my dream-family doesn't even know they are adopted. I miss them so much. And Paula's pregnant and she didn't even tell me and they never call or anything. I feel so left out. I know Spencer loves me, he's more my daddy than anyone will ever be. But Paula... I'm scared of Paula. Partly 'cause the thank you notes still aren't sent, and they gave $500, and her mami gave us $100 -- that's a lot when you aren't blood related. (heh, if we were, I'd be a lot darker) Most of my relatives didn't give over $50. I'm not complaining, I'm just saying that Paula & Spencer & Paula's Mami deserved more thanks than they got.

I bought special cards for them and everything, but they didn't get sent. STILL. For 2 reasons -- 1) I wanted to include a photo of Ben and I from the wedding, and I still don't have any; and 2) the thank you notes are Ben's responsibility, and I'm not supposed to pick up the pieces after him.

So I'm kinda stressed. And sad. I miss my spiritual parents! And my wonderful little brother, Gabe. (that boy-almost-man will never let anything make him lose love for me)

feelings: so sad. sad. sad.
connecting: ,


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jedibubbles ══╣╠══
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.