August 2017
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If you find me to be in error (causing harm), then call me on it.


I do not care to be tolerated.

If you are on my friends list and you learn something about me that you believe to be causing harm to myself or others, I expect you to either speak up about it or unfriend me. If you speak up and you tell me something I hadn't previously considered, or point out something I hadn't noticed, I will be happy for the chance to grow and change. And if you speak up about something I don't consider to be harmful, I will explain myself. I might end the conversation feeling that we are incompatible as friends, or I might end up with new admiration for you, or both. But I do not want to call people friends who consider my actions harmful and do not call me on it. If I think some of your actions are harmful I will express that (if I care for you) or unfriend you (if I feel neutral about you). I want to be able to trust that my friends believe I am not causing harm, so I will assume silence to be neutrality, not disapproval.

There is plenty I do that makes people uncomfortable, but I do not consider that to be harm and if you do, we probably won't get along. Causing harm means something different to each person, but generally if you feel something is always wrong in every instance, then that would be something you consider to cause harm.

If you disapprove of anything that is a pattern in my life, I feel that it is very dishonest to keep that from me. Instead I would like you to express that in a respectful way, with the expectation that the issue will turn out to be a misunderstanding. Always assume that there is something YOU have not considered, and I will do the same. There is a lot about my life that I share, but it is not possible to put absolutely everything in words, so do not think that you know everything about me and therefore can judge. Not even I know everything about me or my life. When you speak to me, do not judge by saying "you are [negative adjective]!" or "your actions are [negative adjective]!" but instead ASK questions like "why did you do this? it seems to me that that would cause harm because ____" or perhaps "I find your actions to be harm-causing because ____. What do you think/feel about that?" If you're not coming at the subject with an arrogant attitude, there's no way I'm going to be offended. I do not at all mind being questioned or challenged in a respectful way -- the goal of my life is to learn, and how can one learn without being challenged?

I want to be treated kindly but I do not want to be humored. Just be honest with me. If you have a problem with bisexuality or polyamory or nude photography or any other way I live my life, then tell me so, and tell me why. And maybe I will understand your reason and be able to agree-to-disagree. Or maybe I will find your views repugnant, and while respecting your right to have them, choose not to be around them. If you want to be my friend, take the risk.
sounds: William Zeitler -- "Royal City"
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paravati ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣honesty╠══
paravati ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣honesty╠══