September 2017
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draining changes: breakup w Aurilion, life shifts / tower dream / dream (drawn to giant wide person)


So, in the past few days I learned that I'm probably not going to be able to move to the city which I wanted to live in (at least, not anytime soon) and my lover Aurilion broke up with me. I'm not crushed by these things because I see them as postponed rather than lost, but they've really drained me nonetheless... I just haven't had much energy for anything.

I just realized that the day before Aurilion and I took a break from talking, I had a dream which among other things featured Aurilion and I falling out of an extremely high tower -- which is the scene on the Tower tarot card. I didn't know that until I was flipping through a book on tarot that I happened to get the other day, and saw an image that startled me with how much it looked like my dream (there was even lightening, in the form of 'bad ascended beings'). Apparently the Tower card means "False structures, false institutions, false beliefs are going to come tumbling down, suddenly, violently and all at once." In the dream, I figured out how to fall in such a way that the fall did not kill or even seriously injure me (or Aurilion, as I explained how to do it and ze did the same). That's pretty incredible now that I think about it... and it fits with other changes too.

Last night I dreamed about this person who was unlike anyone I've ever met -- male, black, about a foot taller than me, and at least four times as thick (maybe more! my arms reached only to zir sides as I hugged zir, and my hands went no further than under zir armpits). Zir bulk was odd, now that I think about it, because rather than being round ze was just LARGE -- wide, but flat in the front. I'm usually not drawn to people who could easily physically overpower me, but this person just RADIATED the most amazing energy! In the dream I had just met this person, yet was drawn not only emotionally but sexually. That's really REALLY unusual for me because I am usually only sexually drawn to people if I know them well and choose to be sexually attracted to them. I just wanted to blend with this person in every way. I tried to stay in that dream as long as I could because the feeling of being around zir was just incredible... it was one of those dreams where I wake up and miss the person because I don't know zir in waking life.


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moonvoice ══╣vilturj - totem - centred wombat╠══
dodging_fate ══╣╠══
mermaiden ══╣Pagan: We all Come from the Goddess╠══
dodging_fate ══╣╠══
mermaiden ══╣Me: Ocean - walk╠══
oceanid ══╣Melting Heart╠══
fyrebard ══╣╠══
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.