November 2017
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in love / some things I can only sense in person!


I'm so crazy in love. I know, how ridiculous! I just met zir! How can I be in love? But... I so am. I thought it might wear off a little with the after-cuddle-party glow, but no, I'm still blushing and giggling and melting into a fucking puddle (which I have NEVER done before) every time I think about Viv. Holy shit, you guys. I'm so fucking head-over-heels. But I'm trying to restrain myself from writing gushing declarations of love (TO zir, at least), because I don't know zir well enough yet and that scares some people so I'll refrain (please don't mention Viv on public posts!). But... I'm seeing zir tonight *bursts into happy giggles* OH MY GOD/DESS. Calm down, self! I get absolutely breathless thinking about holding zir hand or hugging zir. ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Holy shit. I've never believed in love at first sight but... I think I believe in love at first hug. And OH MY GOD/DESS I WANT TO KISS ZIR SO MUCH. Which I now am free to do :D *piles of happy giggles* This reminds me -- near the end of the cuddle party, I was laying next to Viv, not even touching right then, and I giggled with sheer glee. Viv asked, "what?" and I replied, "oh, sometimes I just laugh when I'm happy," and ze grinned at me. OMFG if you people could see me, you would surely think I'm high -- I'm giggling and covering my face and grinning and going all squinchy-happy just writing this. Annnnnnnd I'm trying to avoid the thought that ze might not feel as intensely... though really, as long as ze cares about me I don't even care. Damn, that's new. I'm so happy I'm actually okay with the idea of being "the one who loves more." *soft beaming* Oh! another thing! On the ride home I sat in the backseat, and ze seemed surprised and happy about it... a little bit later ze said, "I'm still in such a cuddly mood" and so I reached for zir hand. Ze took it and smiled at me and said that ze was just about to ask :D We cuddled all the way back. :D :D :D

I'm in love with zir presence, zir hands, zir smile, zir voice, zir laugh. Oh, incredible, unfathomable loveliness.

And let this be a lesson unto me -- I cannot at ALLLLLL tell from internet presence if I will not feel a connection in person. I can tell sometimes when I will, but I cannot at all predict if I will not. When I was friends with Aurilion online, I wasn't drawn to zir at all because ze didn't share much online -- but over the phone I could feel it somewhat, and I felt it instantly upon meeting zir. I wasn't drawn at all to Viv's online presence either (I'm intellectually drawn to people who know themselves really well and share copiously), but OH MY GOD/DESS in person. Which is why I lament that I haven't met all of you in person because I've no idea if it would open up a whole new realm of closeness!

And thank you, universe, for breaking me up with Aurilion and giving me the sense not to pursue the sexist person that I was drawn to for zir spirit, because those two things are the reason I was in an actively-seeking place and invited Viv along. ;-) I'm so insanely happy right now and I don't care if it doesn't last, it is beautiful enough as a moment ♥

ETA: I've practically been holding my breath for the past 12 hours since I sent zir a message *rolls eyes at self* ze finally responded so now maybe I can go to sleep. OMG I'm so fucking insane :-p

sounds: Heather Nova - Paper Cup | Powered by Last.fm
connecting: ,

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Comments
celestialsight ══╣╠══
*grins and giggles at you* I hope you have a great time tonight. :D I so wish I could meet all of my LJ friends, too. I have only met one so far in person but there are a couple nearby I hope to hang out with soon. =)
jendaby ══╣╠══
Your sense of excited glee is making me smile! I can feel your happy energy bouncing through the intarwebs!! *hugs* This is such a happy, lovely post! I am glad that you have gotten to experience immediate love! :)

I wish I could meet you in person, too!!! I feel like we would stay up all night just talking and laughing. :)
acid_burns ══╣╠══

::gigglefit:: You kill me :) ♥
moonvoice ══╣vilturj - himalayan monal wing╠══
Oh man, Paper Cup by Heather Nova is one of my all-time favourite songs by her, and a song I can sing well. I just love soaring along to it. :)

It is so wonderful reading your exuberance and giddiness in these posts. It is infectious, and sweeps us up (well me, anyway), and such a gift to share it with others.

And I believe what you say about internet chemistry vs. 'real life' chemistry to be very true.
samwhise ══╣╠══
:D
mermaiden ══╣* Faerie: dancing╠══
Hee~!! So happy~!! *HUGS*
austentatious ══╣╠══
Aw!

I empathize with your ETA. I've done that before. :D
frecklestars ══╣ghost-girl╠══
This made me grin so so so much. Which is tough to do when someone is gushing about being in love these days. But you...as usual, you're so great at expressing emotion via words that you've got _me_ grinning just as a result of being close to your happiness. Thank you.
bellerisa ══╣tiger dance╠══
Aw Bel I'm so happy that you're filled with such intense (and cute) love! :D
delicatexflower ══╣love; text. holding hands "trust"╠══

hehe! *jumps up and down with happiness for you* your energy is so refreshing!~i am so happy you are going to see zir tonight. i just know it is going to be wonderful. i can't wait until i get to read about it! ♥
xenopsi ══╣╠══
My heart was positively thumping while I read this. I'm SO EXCITED for you!!!!
shioneh ══╣hopeful╠══
ooh, *wide grinning for you* this is so wonderful and it's so amazing to read your posts about it, so full of ebullience and love :-) Hope you have a beautiful time!
tralfamadore ══╣Keane - Passion╠══
Oh, the energy and the passion of this is so much that it has me smiling and giggling just to be a part of. I cannot tell you enough how thrilled I am for you. Ze sounds like such an incredible human being, and I can almost feel the depth of your connection to zir. I will be praying for all the best and hoping that this connection grows and flourishes in precisely the way you are wanting and so deserving of.
clown_frog ══╣╠══
So happy for you :-D
aerialmelodies ══╣Love╠══
Aww, Bel! This is so good to hear! I can feel the excited energy. <3
oceanid ══╣╠══
I beyond excited and happy for you! :) I can't stop smiling!!
girlslovegirls7 ══╣kristens feet╠══
LOVE YOU
ouch k!!! what if arillian hears about you saying that? im so glad that your happy but dont you have this instinkt to run away because zes runnung away for 6 MONTHS
belenen ══╣ecstatic╠══
Re: LOVE YOU
actually, that changed! Ze's not going away after all :D
sidheblessed ══╣╠══
*grins* You are just too adorable when you're head over heels. I've never seen you so taken and I must say it's a lovely sight to see (or read?) ^.^

I wish both you and Viv all the best. ♥
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.