July 2017
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serendipitous fair with Viv! photos! / precognitive dreams about Viv / being in the present


Some of you may remember the fair that Hannah and I just happened to discover the last day they were in town, which was my first fair. Well, today I gave Viv a ride to a meeting ze was going to, and we just passed right by it! (in a completely different part of town, by the way!) Of course I wanted to go, and Viv happily agreed -- so we went! again at night, again so serendipitously. ♥ (tonight I got a little red lobster to go with my violet seahorse :D)



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the fair!

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on the ferris wheel

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beautiful Viv ♥ (going to take non-grainy daylight photos asap!)

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looking down at the TERRIFYING ship ride -- Viv suggested we ride at the back and I was like, "okay, sure!" being all brave and adventurous and STUPID. *snort* I'm very top-heavy and that damn bar was NOT enough to keep me from coming right out of my seat and starting to fall forward. I was shrieking in REAL terror at the highest point of the swing. I think I'd have been fine if I was securely fastened in, but I most certainly was NOT. Ohhh damn. I do not have a head for heights (but during the ride Viv was very comforting as I got more and more convinced that I was going to die, aww). As we FINALLY started to slow down and were almost at the end, Viv teased "let's go again!" and I said, "NO, you fucker!" and the parent of the little kid that was two rows ahead turned around to look at me. It took me a second and then I said, "ohmygoshI'msosorry!" but ze seemed more amused than anything :-p and probably feeling pity for the wimpy person who got freaked out on a kid's ride!

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I blurred this on purpose -- I love the color swirls.

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a scary ride which Viv went on alone! (ze's the only person you can see) Right about now ze was shouting to me, "Why am I doing this?"

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it turned completely upside down :-O Viv said it was much less scary than the freaking boat because it was all secure. I think that's probably true but at that point I was pretty determined to keep my feet on the ground.

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how I feel after spending time with Viv ♥

for the past few days I've pretty much been wearing either a broad grin or this cat-that-ate-the-canary smirk >;-}


Tonight I realized that I've dreamed of zir before we met! Here and here and once more (but I didn't write about the third one): my brain was using Adam Lambert as a metaphor for a violet spirit whom I'd not met. The first two times I dreamed of an unnamed person who just looked like zir, but in the last one ze was the singer. Silly me was disappointed -- I didn't get the message, "this is becoming real." In that last one, we kissed -- and I dreamed kisses exactly like Viv's (no one else has ever kissed me that way, so it wasn't a memory of the past!). I remember waking up and daydreaming about those kisses, and now I get them in REAL LIFE. Hence the smirk >;-}

I actually feel jealous for practically the first time in my life. I'm not used to this feeling and I don't like it! I know where it's coming from though. I thought I got out unscathed from the relationship with Aurilion, but here's the sting: Aurilion must have professed undying love and adoration hundreds of times, with a sincerity that convinced me utterly, but then ze just sort of lost interest (am I the only one who means "forever" when I say "forever"???). I'm having a hard time believing the signs that I'd usually put complete faith in, because I got it so wrong last time. And I'm having a hard time trusting that I'm not just a shallow fling or symbol; interesting amusement for a while and eventually too much work for people (unless they have made a partnership commitment). Oh! and the sucky thing was, with Aurilion I wasn't even fixated on the future at all but ze made all kinds of unasked-for promises and I trusted them, and THEN when I WAS looking forward, everything disappeared. Now I'm having a hard time getting back into that "the now is what is important" place. I need to be here, now. I'm going to find some way to remind myself -- the NOW is what matters!

Once my intuition tells me "trust this" for the nth time, it'll sink in. I mean, I met zir in an everything-falls-into-place kind of way, I DREAMED ZIR KISSES EXACTLY, the fair just happened to be there -- how much more do I need?

Very Good Sign #452: ze disagrees with me confidently and matter-of-factly, without getting defensive or offensive. I LOVE THIS!


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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.