February 2018
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Viv and I are just friends


Viv and I are just friends.

Ze said that ze doesn't feel ze is in the right place for a romantic relationship right now (ze's going through a lot of change). I understand that, respect and admire it (and think, "See Bel, this is why you have the conversation BEFORE flinging yourself head over heels") -- but I'm also crushed. Because I have honestly never been so in love in my life. I've loved other people as deeply, maybe, but I've never been so completely in love. I usually recover very fast when someone's not interested in me, but when they ARE and they can't be with me ANYWAY, that's really really difficult for me.

I have the worst fucking luck! I feel like I'm on the wrong plane of existence.

Although honestly it's probably for the best... I do prefer to build friendships first and I very much want to be close friends with Viv. I think my worst fear is that we'll become close and then ze will fall for someone else and get involved and then I'll feel betrayed even though I shouldn't because there's no promise made or implied. I feel like I need to guard my heart against that happening which is maybe stupid but I don't know Viv that well yet and maybe ze just didn't fall for me like I did for zir. Okay, so that's the worst fear. I'm afraid that this was all my runaway emotions which ze got caught up in but didn't actually have a comparable amount of.

At the end of the night tonight we were talking and ze said, "let's stay in touch" which shocked me because I thought that wasn't in question. :-/ I'm not sure if ze's just not used to friends who work through disappointments or if ze doesn't have a desire to be close friends. I expressed my own desire for that. Now I suppose we just see what happens.

God/dess, what a week (yeah, holy shit, it all happened in a week). I'm exhausted and need hugs :-(

sounds: PJ Harvey - This Is Love | Powered by Last.fm
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Comments
hands_cupped ══╣╠══
*HUGS*
queerbychoice ══╣╠══
I'm sorry.

I'm not entirely surprised; I had a bad feeling about this from the beginning, because it seemed to be happening too fast. And now I have a worse feeling, because that line "let's stay in touch" has a bad ring to my ears too. It sounds awfully impersonal to me, and therefore seems to me to imply "just barely in touch, no actual meaningful connection" or "I'm just saying this because I think it's the thing to say, and really I don't intend to stay in touch at all."

I know it's rather late to be saying "be careful" now, but to the extent that you can do so at this point . . . be careful.
acid_burns ══╣╠══

Oh, love ::hugsyoutight::

bellerisa ══╣snoop╠══
(((((HUGS))))) I'm sorry you're feeling so disappointed. I really hope you can stay in touch when all the dust has settled.

Edit: And even though you're disappointed now, I don't want you to forget all that magical happiness you enjoyed this week. I admire the fact that you love so deeply.
jenniology ══╣Hold me╠══
*hugs very tightly*
camilleyun ══╣╠══
Feelings are fluid. It's especially difficult for people to handle their feelings and other people's when many changes are going on.

Things are happening the way they are meant to happen because this is how they have happened.

Remember how crushed you were when the door closed on your last relationship then you realized it opened the door for another? Well, the door is not closed, it is halfway open and you have one leg over the threshold. Enjoy the time you have and whichever direction it goes in the end just know that you have experienced something wonderful that many people would not have.

*hugs* Maybe even in person later if I can get my head to stop pounding. I haven't hit it repeatedly against a brick wall but it sure does feel like it. Oy!


storeyphoto ══╣╠══
Very big HUG! I am sorry for your loss and your pain. I have recently realized that every person that comes into our lives teaches us something, either about ourselves or about life. That is a gift from God. What was your gift from Viv (may be considered rhetorical).

Another big HUG!
shioneh ══╣empathy╠══
Oh Bel ♥..I'm so sorry *sending you many hugs and much love*

I hope you and viv and still able to keep working on friendship and I hope that if if it's possible and right for you, that your relationship can become closer again. I agree with Bob's comment that it's possible to learn from everyone who comes into your life and I think viv definitely came into your life for a reason.

*wishing you clarity and soothing rest*

oceanid ══╣Baby Bear Love╠══
*hugs* Sending happy thoughts your way <3
tindomerel ══╣cats╠══
*hugs*
delicatexflower ══╣drew; hope. text - "hopeful"╠══

:(

i'm sorry bel. ♥ i feel so much for you. don't knock down the possibilities. viv may need time to themselves to think some more & figured things out. a lot of this happened so quickly and it can be hard for one to swallow and be aware of everything that happened.

i understand how you feel, though. it feels like a rejection, but it is NOT. the fact ze wants to be friends with you shows she DOES want you in ZE life!! i think that's an amazing gift!
saturnsdaughter ══╣noiembrie - Amber╠══
I'm sorry that things didn't work out the way you were hoping. I hope you'll at least be able to maintain a strong friendship.
kiwi ══╣╠══
HUGS. :( I'm sorry, Bel.
twelvepetals ══╣╠══
chillychilly22 ══╣╠══
Since things happened on such a sudden high I can only imagine the sudden low you feel. I know that feeling. The disappointment. :(

"Let's stay in touch." That could mean so many different things if you try to interpret and assume.

But maybe it simply means "Let's stay in touch." Nothing more, nothing less.
frecklestars ══╣dainty╠══
Oh dearheart, I am sorry. You know you couldn't help the head over heels bit; nobody really can. So you're not an idiot or _anything_ like that. That said, I'd have difficulty with someone being interested but not being able to be with me. I know it probably doesn't help to hear "yeah, I'd feel the same" though. The feeling of having runaway emotions are tough.

Is it possible to tell ze how you are feeling? Particularly the worry about being close friends and then ze falls for someone else? I know I'd want to hear that, just so I knew, but maybe this is a different situation.

In any case, you are much loved. *hugs*
theindiequeen ══╣╠══
*hugs* That is indeed disappointing, but I'm sure it is all working out that way for a reason. :-/

Sigh. Let me know if you want to get coffee or something. Coffee makes everything better.
callmebee ══╣╠══
I think it's important to remind yourself that all of your feelings are yours, and experiencing those things is the best way to stay true to yourself. Whether it's a one night stand, a one week fling, or a lifelong commitment, love is full of power and meaning, so no matter how many times we get hurt it's always better to let yourself love, even if it isn't returned the exact same way.

musicandmisery ══╣x-files - momento mori╠══
*hugsyoutodeath* I'm so sorry, Bel. :'(
smurfb1ue ══╣╠══
Something you said reminded me of Proverbs 4:23 - Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

I'm sorry you're hurting but hope that eventually you'll reach a place where you can embrace the last week's experiences without pain.
xcentrikka ══╣╠══
Aww, I am so sorry. I think it's great to have an open heart and to be able to let people in fairly quickly, but I am always wary of things that develop too quickly...it seems like they often fall apart. But hopefully you two can maintain a friendship and who knows what the future holds??? I hope you feel better soon. *hugs*
aerialmelodies ══╣Flowers╠══
A thousand hugs and so many positive thoughts!!! <3<3<3 You know where to find me if you feel up to anything. *hug*
clown_frog ══╣╠══
*many hugs* I'm so sorry, to be so completely in love and the other person not in the same place, I can only imagine that pain. And since I can't imagine what it'd feel like to be that much in love, I doubt I'm even near how deep the pain.

I don't know her, but it seems to be that often people say phrases like "lets stay in touch" because thats what people SAY in that situation - breaking up is so common on TV, books, magazines. So maybe she was following the script, rather than thinking "why am i saying this? its not in question, we'll stay in touch".

I don't know about luck, but I sympathise with the feeling like you're on the wrong plane of existence. Not quite the same thing, but did make me think, a world full of more Bel-like creatures would be wonderful and strange. If everyone loved and hurt so quick and deep, perhaps we'd all be more careful with each other.
tralfamadore ══╣Love is the Movement╠══
-Hugs you closely-

You have such a big heart and an incredible spirit, and it pains me to think that you've been hurt by this. I wish I had some magic words that I could say that could make it better for you, make things a little easier. Unfortunately I'm at a loss. All I can think of is something that I truly believe in very strongly: if it's meant to be, it'll happen. If not, it must mean that something greater is in store.
sidheblessed ══╣╠══
*hugs* I'm sorry. :( It hurts when we can't be with someone we're so in love with.
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.