July 2017
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characters in the story of my life: present and past


These are the characters in the story of my life:

most mentioned:
Ace (lil sis) aka girlslovegirls7 -- younger sister, deep friend, soul-kin.
Ben aka justben -- lover, deep friend, heart-kin, soul-kin.
Ash aka fyrebard -- deep friend, flatmate.
Hannah aka shioneh -- deep friend, spirit-kin.
Nea aka acid_burns -- deep friend, soul-kin.
S -- close friend.

localtribe:
Shel aka aerialmelodies
Sara aka theindiequeen
Kristen aka gods_ornament
(under the general tag: Anna, Kat K, Chase, Anita, Saleena, Nicole, Brigit, Greta, Brandon, Sakka, Josh, Paul, Ryan, Nikki, Wolf, Tali, Scarlett)

often mentioned but not currently part of my life:
B, my ex-partner -- ex-partner, ex-lover, heart-kin.
Aurilion -- ex-lover, heart-kin.
Viv -- ex-friend/love, spirit-kin.
ex-partner's family -- my ex's family
biofamily -- my biological family

those I rarely talk/write about lately, but who had/have a big impact on my life:
Kate aka clown_frog -- deep friend, heart-kin.
Nick aka aquilian -- friend, spirit-kin, heart-kin.
Kat aka kmiotutsie -- good friend, soul-kin.
SabR aka sabr -- good friend.
Anika aka cunningbunny -- friend.
Paula & Spencer -- spiritual parents.
Gabe -- spiritual sibling.
elya -- sister-in-law, friend.
Ava aka mourningdoveava -- friend, spirit-kin.
Meliae aka earthy_goddess -- friend.
Rebecca -- sister-in-law, friend.
Kaylene -- friend.
Allison -- friend.

People who are an important part of my life and often talked/written about.

- Ace -




(Ace, lil sis, befuneenee, lil shit)

biological sister, deep friend, soul-kin
girlslovegirls7: met zir when I was almost ten and ze was a squalling red little newborn. We were close for the first few years, then horrible events and lying parents came between us. We started getting close again in Jan 2007 and became deep friends in summer 2009. Ze lives in LA :-(

     Ze truly amazes me again and again. Ze's just an incredible person, so fierce and so compassionate, so open and honest, so full of joy and curiosity, and so willing to take risks. I'm so thrilled to have zir in my life! I admire zir so much and I love having the chance to see zir learn and grow (even if it means also seeing zir suffer). Ze's also a talented artist and I look forward to seeing zir blossom creatively. Ze is very open-minded and willing to grow and change, and I think that is just wonderful. Ze's so fascinated by people, and so uninhibited in expressing that -- ze will ask intensely personal questions of strangers and do it in such a purely curious way that they're startled into actually answering. And ze's tied for the most compassionate person I've ever met -- ze will almost always notice when someone is suffering and reach out, and when ze does ze always means it. I love zir so so so much ♥

- Ben -




(no nickname -- yet)

lover, deep friend, heart-kin, soul-kin
justben: Met zir in May 2009 when I began attending the weekly pagan meetings ze moderates. Were casual friends until September, when cuddles led to mutual crush confessions ;-) Ze lives about an hour and a half away from me (too far, but that'll be remedied eventually).

     I don't even know where to begin! Ze keeps me in a whirl of amazement at how ze sees and how ze shares and how ze thinks. Ze sees me SO clearly and loves all those little things about me that I thought no one ever noticed (or ever would). Ze expresses love and desire so nakedly and with such purity that it absolutely melts me. (and I thought I didn't melt, haha) When we make eye contact, ze is so open I can feel it like a touch. And we can speak for hours on practically any subject, and we can argue constructively, and ze's open to shifts of thought, and inspires them in me! When I question zir, ze responds thoughtfully and completely. And oh my GOD/DESS sharing music is ecstatic in the truest sense of the word; my experience of it is so expanded by sharing it with zir. I don't just hear it -- I feel it in every fiber of my being. And touch! ohmygod/desswow. Ze is always present in zir caresses and thrills in my responses and responds to my touch without inhibition. It's absolutely intoxicating (especially in sex)! And ze takes my feelings seriously without judging or fearing them. And ze cares for the forest and celebrates my connection with trees and shares zir thoughts/feelings on spiritual matters with me. And ze explores the world with joy and curiosity and expects the best out of life! I feel so amazingly lucky that ze noticed me ♥

- Ash -




(Alariya, Ash-Pash (but only when I'm in the mood to be annoying))

deep friend, flatmate
fyrebard: Met zir through elya -- the two of them were best friends at one time. Known since 1998, very close in 2006 and again in 2009. Lives with me in GA.

     We were very close in 2006, but in November of that year ze left me when I was in the middle of an emotional breakdown and then three weeks later told me ze didn't want to be friends anymore, both of which hurt me deeply. I learned later that ze had thought I was faking the breakdown to manipulate zir, and had gotten furious with me about it. Which is so beyond my comprehension that it never even occurred to me that ze could think that, but that's the sort of behavior ze was used to from others and ze had never seen me upset before (because that was the first time I'd trusted zir enough to let zir see my pain).

     About a year after this, I messaged Ashley and told zir that I forgave zir, and that I was sorry for any hurt I might have caused zir. I offered to have a conversation for the sake of closure and healing, so we talked, and it felt really good to talk to zir again. A while after that I spent a few days at zir apartment and realized that the breakup and year after had made deep changes in both of us that created a lot of distance, and I think ze felt it too because we fell mostly out of contact after that. Then I dated Aurilion (Ash's ex) for about a year, and about two months after we broke up, Ash got back in touch with me and we started building a friendship again. Over the summer we spent a TON of time together, and this October we moved in together. Living together has definitely been a learning experience, as our communication styles are so ENTIRELY opposite, but it's been positive overall.

     Generous, open, creative, dreamy. Ze loves puns, silliness, laughter, and making people happy. Ze'd do just about anything for a friend.

- Hannah -


(Kehlalili, Shioneh, sheonke, babygirl, han-han)

deep friend, spirit-kin, soul-kin

--


shioneh: Met zir through LJ. Known since July 2005, soulfriends from March 2006 to November 2007, lovers from March 2008 to July 2008. Lives in Scotland :-(

     We were instantly close on becoming LJ friends, and 8 months later we committed soulfriendship to each other. Our soulfriendship lasted about a year and a half, and was an incredible source of growth and nourishment to both of us. Because we entered the relationship with such clear goals, we both learned so much more about communication and the ways to grow a relationship. In that time ze came to visit me twice, July 27th - Aug 13th 2006, and June 20th - July 24th 2007. The soulfriendship ended because we both went through a very dark period and it took too much energy over such a long distance, when even calling is a hardship. I think that if we had lived close we would have been able to stay soulfriends, but as it was we decided to end it, at least for the time. We never broke off contact but we didn't start talking in realtime again until early February, when I felt totally awful and randomly IMed zir partner Nick, and Hannah was there next to zir and began talking with me to comfort me. We rapidly grew close again (with many tears along the way), and in late March Hannah decided ze wanted to explore polyamory and proposed a romantic relationship (which I gleefully agreed to). That was a tempestuous journey; a Hannah-Aurilion-me triad, then just Hannah and I, then a Hannah-Nick-me triad (for a day), and then Hannah and Nick realized that polyamory wasn't right for them. That was insanely painful (I was numb for nearly two months afterward), but I don't regret it. Hannah and I aren't close right now because ze hasn't been online much for the past year and I can't just drive over, but I know we will be again; our connection is just too strong to let distance stay.

     Ze is my spirit-kin; so like me at core. I can't explain what this feels like, only the effect that it has. We reflect each other and together we clarify ideas and beliefs, which we usually end up agreeing on, even if we started out thinking that we disagreed. We can sense things about each other that we could have no way of knowing -- even without communication, we feel it if the other is hurting or joyful. Our emotions reflect each other and increase when we intentionally share them. I laugh more with zir than ever with anyone else -- we have a natural high when we are happy together, and we get ridiculously silly, to the point where I am sure outsiders would think us drunk/drugged. Ze is also soul-kin; like me in how ze is passionate and intense, fiery in defense of that which we feel strongly on. We can be gentle, but when it comes to standing up for what we believe in we are absolutely fierce and forceful.
     Open & honest, passionately compassionate, fierce, creative. Ze loves taking photos, dancing, painting, sharing with others, exploring the abstract, learning the concrete, celebrating life, helping to create equality.

- Nea -




deep friend, soul-kin
acid_burns: Met zir through LJ, via an Angelina Jolie community. Known since Dec 2004, close from Aug 2007, met zir in person September 2009. Lives in Finland :-(

     Nea has been an important person in my life for a long time. It's hard to describe our friendship because I communicate with zir in a way I don't with anyone else. We speak in music and photos and books and art (we don't share much of the same taste in film, heh), and for most of our friendship that was all, yet I felt like we understood each other really well. This year we've been writing more life-event-type emails and I feel like I can tell zir anything. Ze's purely nonjudgmental and so compassionate, but there's nothing push-over-ish about zir. I admire and love zir for zir perspective and zir art and most of all for zir love for humankind. I LOVED getting to meet zir this year! If we lived close I know we'd hang out all the time. Annnnnd ze's planning on visiting me in August of next year with zir lady *BEAMS* and I can't wait to show zir around to my localtribe. What would be really awesome would be if Nea and Brit and Ben and I could go to a concert (since they're my music-connection people)! Can has, universe? :D

- S -




close friend
Met zir through Ash in April 2009, became close in October when I moved in with Ash (they're best friends). Lives just down the road from me.

     Sand I have such a strange friendship! The only thing we have in common is how fiercely we love (although ze expresses it with a little more violent protectiveness than I do, heh) -- in everything else we are utter opposites, yet we manage to have a lot of fun together. I would trust zir with just about anything, and I feel pretty honored to be in zir circle. Ze's so open and honest and BOLD -- this one ain't gonna back down from anything, and you'd have to be completely without reason to go up against zir.


localtribe:

- Shel -



aerialmelodies: Met zir on LJ in Oct 2008, through mutual friends -- I was still desperately seeking local people so I thought "my friends like you and you live near me! we can be friends!" We've hung out a bit in person but not one-on-one (yet!) so thus far it's zir entries that I find fascinating. Ze is really thoughtful and artistic and writes beautifully. One of these days we need to create together!
     

- Sara -



theindiequeen: Met zir Oct 2007, when I saw zir at Unity Church, gathered my courage and introduced myself, explained that I had no local friends and asked zir if ze wanted to go to coffee with me. We had a fascinating conversation and friended each other on LJ, but didn't really hang out much until this summer. This year I've gone to see zir play (ze's a musician) quite a few times, we went to a PJ Harvey concert together and to see Kate Havnevik & Levi Weaver together, and I got to take portraits of zir :D :D :D one of which ze used for zir album cover! I felt so honored to be able to do that ♥

- Kristen -


(eviltwin)
gods_ornament: Met zir at Liberty church in 1997, were close friends until 2001, then gradually drifted apart. In 2005 we started growing closer again, but then in 2006 ago ze underwent a profound experience that separated us. After ze made certain choices, I felt I couldn't trust zir and cut contact. In June of 2009 ze reached out again and we've started spending more time together. I feel hopeful that we will grow close again.

     Ze has a fearlessness about zir that I love, and a sort of bossy friendliness that could make even the most reserved person open up. Ze seems tough but ze loves deeply and forever.

- localtribe -


(awesome people who do not have individual tags because I don't know them well enough and/or haven't spent enough time with them yet)
Anna (camilleyun) -- ze's not REALLY local (lives in TN) but has come down twice in 2009 to visit Ash & I, so I'm counting zir as localtribe ;-) Ze's completely genuine and such a great listener -- I hope to spend more time wih zir this year.
Kat K -- ze lives in Athens now but for a while this summer we were hanging out a good bit. We're quite different but enjoy a lot of the same things. I'm hoping ze moves back to Atlanta sometime!
Chase -- I've only met zir recently but ze is so much fun! Funny and warm and interesting. I feel really comfortable with zir -- and I've no idea why because I usually don't feel comfortable with people who aren't at least nominally feminist, but there ya go.
Anita -- I've not had the chance to spend one-on-one time with zir yet but from the conversations we've had I think we could be great friends. Ze always makes me think and re-examine my ideas (I love that!) and ze has this calming, strong presence. And ze's openminded and curious which is so my favorite.
Saleena (butafli) -- I find zir really inspiring -- ze's very open (in some ways) and honest and caring. I just love being around zir.
Nicole (radiantbaby) -- the few times we've hung out I've been just fascinated by the way ze thinks and expresses zirself. and amused -- I really love zir sense of humor.
Brigit -- ze is amazingly sweet and loves Tanith Lee! I don't know zir very well yet but that's enough for me to know I like zir :D
Greta (ukta) -- incredible artist and fascinating person. I'm a little intimidated (like I always am with artists) but hopefully I'll get over that :-p
Brandon -- I enjoy talking with zir, but find arguments frustrating because ze says things I'm not expecting and then watches me like a predator watching prey, which makes it even harder for me to put thoughts together and then I feel stupid, which I am not at all used to or comfortable with. :-p Still, worth it overall!
Sakka (zen_sakka) -- We've only hung out two or three times but I enjoyed zir company so much! and I really love zir journaling style -- very descriptive and analytical and emotional. ;-)
Josh -- So easygoing and fierce at the same time -- I love that. Ze's very openminded and kind.
Paul -- Quiet and intense. I don't know zir very well, but there's something about zir that I feel a resonance with.
Ryan -- Shel's significant other -- I don't know zir very well yet but ze seems very thoughtful and generous and openminded.
Nikki (nadalia) -- So creative! And really wise (for lack of a better term) -- ze seems like ze'd be able to help someone find clarity in a muddy situation.
Wolf -- a completely warm and bluntly honest person. I really love talking with zir because there is just NO decoration, everything is totally raw. It's so refreshing! and reminds me of how I want to strip my own expression down and be more raw.
Tali -- we've only hung out once, but I really loved zir company. Ze's a fierce activist and understanding at the same time -- most people I've met either tend to be permissive/accepting of prejudice or judgmental about the people who have it, but ze's fiercely anti-prejudice without hating ignorant people (as long as they're working to educate themselves).
Scarlett -- only met zir twice but was so drawn to zir both times! I feel such a connection with zir and ze's such a lovely cuddle buddy.


People I talk/write about who are not active parts of my life.

- ex-partner -



partner, lover, heart-kin

--


Met through our parents going to the same church. Known since 1991, lovers jan2001-nov2008, partners from dec2003-oct2009. Lives in GA.

     I met zir when I was a wee child of 8 (ze was 7), and felt a connection since then. I moved away and then back (my dad was in the military) and sometime in high school we developed a rather one-sided friendship (ze didn't contribute much but somehow I never gave up [in hindsight, that should have been a CLUE]) that lasted until I moved again for my freshman year of college. When I came to visit zir family over Christmas break, ze asked me out (as well as asking my forgiveness for taking me for granted for so long) and we started a long-distance relationship. About 17 days in (Jan 19, 2002) we made our own private vows to each other and considered ourselves spiritually married from that point on. That summer I moved back to GA to be closer to zir and we continued 'dating' (not the traditional formal sort, with dressing up and going out) for another year, and got legally married December 13, 2003. The first year (2004) was fun at first, but soon turned rocky, as sex had brought up repressed memories of childhood abuse (we didn't have sex until after getting legally married, mainly due to zir desires) and I started working through those, and we both had to deal with misconceptions about what a partnership (marriage) meant (I started out 'serving' zir and no I'm not kidding. After about 6 months I realized that wasn't really healthy or nourishing). 2005 was worse; I was depressed and paranoid to the point of not being able to leave the house, but by the end of that year I had overcome most of it. 2006 was okay, no real gains or losses. 2007 started off very badly, financially, and I blamed our lack of connection on that, but as time went on I realized that the finances made it worse but they were not the problem, they just added to the problem. Halfway through the year it all came to a head and my partner decided to work on opening up and learning to express zirself, so that we could really communicate. I was skeptical at first but ze really changed; I began to get to know zir in a way I never had before. We had a lot more conflict, but it was productive, and I began to fall in love with zir in a whole new way. 2008 began with us stronger than ever, but as it went on and I began to develop other relationships, ze began to withdraw. Whenever we talked about it ze said ze was okay with me being polyamorous, and blamed zir distance on other things. When I was out of the country visiting Hannah, ze did something that I considered cheating, and confessed to me later (after I felt that something was wrong and asked about it). I forgave zir and we worked on re-building trust but I think that ze continued to feel guilty about it (in addition to the sense of debt ze had because of all the unfulfilled promises ze'd made) and I think ultimately that was the thing that made it too much. In 2009 we were still working on things, but I realized I didn't want to be partners and without the structure of marriage, ze did not have the motivation to work on anything anymore (which is part of the reason I do not want partnership/marriage -- if you're not motivated to work on stuff without structure then I don't want to do it with you!). In November ze started seeing someone else, and as ze is monogamous that meant we were truly over. I'm still very hurt and angry over all the faith/trust I'd put in all the promises ze made (ze broke every single vow we made and so many other promises -- I can't remember zir actually following through on ANYTHING). But I'm working through it.

     When things were good, I called zir my 'lightning rod' because ze was like a grounding force for my storms; ze calmed me just with zir presence. aaaand I've been sitting here trying to think of other reasons I was with zir, and I think pure loneliness was the main reason; I had no one else who was local. There's more to it than that, because if it hadn't been for the past few months of untrustworthiness, I'd have still wanted a relationship, just not a very serious one as being with zir is not nourishing for me in any way I can understand. So why the hell would I want it? I don't know -- habit? lust? wanting to actually receive the promises made? or something more, something meaningful? it's largely irrelevant now, I suppose. Hopefully I'll find out when I die.

- Aurilion -



lover, deep friend, heart-kin

--


Met zir through LJ. Known since Feb 2006, casual friends from then to November 2006, out of contact for 2007, lovers from March 2008 to April 2009. Lives in NC.

     We had had a somewhat casual LJ relationship until ze came down to visit a mutual friend, and when I met zir I felt a very strong connection. I was very excited about getting to know zir, but ze was beginning a romantic relationship with Ashley and Mike, who did not want zir to connect with me. We were out of contact for a year, then when we got back in contact we quickly built a friendship and then a month after that, ze proposed a romantic relationship (which I gleefully agreed to). It ended when I started to push for Aurilion to make plans to move down to GA -- ze had told me over and over that ze was eager to do that, but when it came down to it, ze just wasn't ready, and I didn't want to continue long-distance indefinitely. It was amicable at first, but then ze sent me an email telling me not to contact zir. I still don't know what to think of that, but it would certainly make me pause before being friends again.

     Ze is my heart-kin; we share a connection to trees that is so strong! We also experience faith in a similar way, through a wild, inexplicable thing that can only be called magic. We're both very intuitive, and in opening to our connection I am experiencing intuition on a whole new level. And I think that ze experiences the other side of that with me -- I help zir to explore groundedness, while ze helps me to explore flight.
     Full of faith, gentle, eager, generous, creative. Ze loves sculpting with wire, writing, laughing, creating expressions of self, sharing with others, dancing with the fae and communing with the trees.

- Viv -


lover(?), deep friend, spirit-kin
Met through OKcupid in June 2009, were very close until Nov 2009.

     Ze messaged me in June and I impulsively invited zir along to my first cuddle party. I fell in love pretty much the second we hugged and my heart was trip-tripping the whole drive there... we cuddled a lot and talked a lot and spent tons of time together for the next five months. I'm not sure what to call us because we did a lot of making out and sensual things but had no privacy so it never went very far... and ze waffled back and forth on whether or not ze wanted more than friendship. But while the romantic aspect was lovely and eye-opening, what was really amazing for me was having a violet spirit who lived near me and was passionate about feminism and equality in general and philosophy and music and art ♥ It ended rather stutteringly when ze began using drugs again. As much as I wanted to experience that connection, I didn't want to feel like I needed to rescue zir, and I would have if we were close while ze was using habitually. I do very much hope we'll be close again... I love zir desperately but there are places I can't go. If we never are close again, that brief connection was still one of the most incredibly enlightening, inspiring, thrilling, and beautiful experiences I've ever had and I don't regret a moment of it.

- relatives -


biofamily and ex-in-laws
- P (bioparent) -- hardworking, sensitive, fickle, selfish, self-decieved. We got along okay but lately I've been very angry over the way ze's treating Ace. Ze respects me although ze doesn't really understand me. I like the parts of zir that I know still exist but are not currently in evidence. We're not close, and won't be until Ace is safe, if ever.
- M (bioparent) -- selfish, controlling, abusive, really self-decieved (but I think trying to be a better person, even if only occasionally). The three things I value most in a person are honesty, openness, and compassion, and ze has (nearly) none of any of those. If ze stops the cycle of abuse and begins to work toward being honest/open and compassionate, then I will be willing to have a relationship with zir. I'd even like to do that because I occasionally catch glimpses of zir trueself and feel sad that I can't connect with zir.
- S (biosibling) -- 4 years younger than me, in the military, lives in PA and is not a part of my life.
- Miss K (my ex-partner's mom) -- Ze used to call me zir 'other daughter' when I was best friends with Rebecca, and ze was the only adult I felt I could depend on during my teens, but when my relationship with Rebecca ended so did all K's care for me.
- Mr. B (my ex-partner's dad) -- quiet, caring, creative. I've never been close with zir, but I respected zir, and I enjoyed having the occasional debate with zir. And over the past few years ze's been the only part of my ex's family that made me feel welcome and respected.


People I rarely talk/write about lately, but who had/have a big impact on my life.

- Kate -


(kate-love)

deep friend
clown_frog: Met zir through LJ, via an addme community. Known since Nov 2004, close from Dec 2005 (less so in 2007-on because of lack of internet). Lives in Scotland :-(

     Ze's quiet and shy, but very passionate and opinionated! Ze's very inquisitive, very thoughtful, and zir questions and observations always make me think hard. Ze's a fierce feminist, which is SO inspiring! I love how ze stretches my mind. And ze has such a beautiful spirit, very gentle and compassionate. Also, somehow ze always seems to understand me perfectly, so zir comments are always encouraging, because they make me feel understood. My favorite quality of zirs would probably be zir thirst for understanding. Ze reminds me of what famous philosophers must have been like. ;-) Philosophical, artistic, compassionate, generous.

- Nick -



deep friend, spirit-kin, heart-kin
aquilian: Met zir through Hannah. Known of since July 2005, became good friends when ze visited in June/July 2007, deep friends when I visited in May/June 2008, lovers for a day in June 2008. Lives in Scotland :-(

     Nick is Hannah's partner, and I am not sure on what level we connect, but connect we definitely do. We have amazing conversations and feel so very at ease with each other. Ze and I don't keep in close contact because ze is not so long-distance-communicative, but when in person we very much enjoy each other's presence. I think if we lived nearby ze would be a very active part of my life.
     Very thoughtful, generous, philosophical, honest, open-minded, kind. Ze loves deep discussions, feminism/equalism, photography, gaming, learning.

- Kat -


(Firekat, kit-kat)

good friend, soul-kin
kmiotutsie: Met through LJ, via an addme community. Known since Dec 2004, close since Nov 2006, met May 2007. Lives in CO :-(

     Kat has a passion for life and a freedom of spirit like none other. Ze is vibrant, open, honest, and unafraid. I think ze lives more connectedly than most people -- and by that I mean in connection with the movement of life (yes, vague, but it's undefinable dammit!). And yet ze is so easygoing and relaxed, and totally open-minded! It's a paradoxical mix that I love. My favorite thing about zir would probably be zir accepting, open attitude about life. Ze never dismisses anything out of hand, and seems to see life as a series of opportunities -- ze's not easily set back. Ze doesn't live within laws, self-imposed or otherwise. Fiery, creative, understanding, loving.

I made the necklace ze's wearing in the photo :D

- SabR -



good friend
sabr: Met zir through LJ, ze added me first. Known since Apr 2006. Lives in GA, about 2.5 hours from me. We were pretty close for a while but then I made some choices that broke zir trust (and the trust of zir chosen family) and it hasn't been the same since then. I still really enjoy zir company though, and I have hope that we can build it back.

     So wild and fierce! I am fascinated with how determinedly ze seeks growth and maturing. And ze's incredibly supportive and openminded. I love how ze is so open about the areas ze feels ze needs to grow in, it's a beautiful thing. Honest, bold, untamed, growing. One of the things I find most intriguing about zir is zir affinity with wolves; I feel like I have learned a lot from both SabR and Kazi (SabR's sister) about animal-spirits, and I cherish that knowledge.

- Anika -



friend
cunningbunny: Met zir through LJ, via an addme community. Known since Nov 2004, close from 2005 - 2006, ended Mar 2006 when ze chose to cut contact. Became LJ friends again Mar 2009.
     Met and got to know zir through LJ; for a good while we were quite close. Ze inspired me so much spiritually and -- mentally, I suppose? Ze opened my eyes on a lot of things; now that I look back I can see that ze was an important catalyst for me in my journey to queerness and paganism. Ze came down for a week during a time when ze was having a lot of struggles in zir marriage, and we connected really deeply as I comforted zir and ze listened to me in such an understanding way. We also talked about our connection -- we were very alike in certain ways. Near the end of the week I offered zir soulfriendship. Ze told me that ze didn't feel able to do that at the time, and I accepted that; I no longer wanted a soulfriendship at the time, because soulfriendship is something that both people have to desire passionately. Ze said that ze might want one in the future, so I was still hoping, but I was fine with not having it -- but I don't think this was communicated very well. Ze felt pressured to hurry up and be ready, so decided that ze didn't want a friendship with me at all and ended it by sending me an email that said horrible things about me. That was hard to recover from, because I had thought ze had a positive opinion of me, but eventually I realized that ze had chosen to believe those things about me in order to feel okay ending the relationship.
     Almost exactly 2 years after the breakup, ze emailed me and apologized for the way it ended. Ze was incredibly humble and thoughtful in her apology and I was very grateful. I wrote zir back and apologized for my part in it, which I had never really realized before because I had been thinking of how I would feel in zir situation, instead of how ZE would feel, which is quite different. Since restarting our friendship it's been pretty casual (we're both much busier nowadays) but ze still has a special place in my heart.

- Spencer & Paula -


(the wynnes)

spiritual parents
Met them through Liberty church. Known for 4 years, close for the 1.5 years, casual after that. Live in GA, about 0.5 hours from me.

     Spencer and Paula are a couple with whom I lived for a year, chauffeuring/mentoring their kids (Gabe and William) in exchange for room and board. Living with them taught me what family is like -- they accepted me as I was, loved me, and helped me in any way they could. I still consider them my spiritual parents. Paula I love because ze is vibrant, cheerful, and intensely loving, and ze honestly cares about me. Spencer I love because ze is the best father I've ever known -- ze and Paula both had children from previous relationships, and ze took zir son, Gabe, into zir heart and loved zir every bit as much as William, zir biological son. Ze shows absolutely no preference -- and that amazes me. I also love zir because ze trusted me almost immediately (when someone gives me their trust I feel immensely grateful, especially if I hold them in high esteem), and because ze supported me and showed interest in my jewelry business -- just because it was important to me.
     I lived with them for a year, then moved out to get married. Six months later I moved into a house in their neighborhood and spent a loooooot of time with Paula, who was having a very difficult pregnancy and had to be on bed rest. I'd walk over every day and we'd talk and talk, I'd make zir lunch and bring zir drinks... then zir mom moved in to help and I wasn't needed, so I just drove zir to doctor's appointments (because zir mom doesn't drive).
     I still love them all so much, and it absolutely kills me that I'm not part of baby Risa's life. I wish I had the guts to just show up on their doorstep sometimes, but every time I see them I end up crying and crying (after I leave) because I want to be part of the family again. I'm so very grateful for the love and acceptance they gave me, and how much they taught me about love and family ♥ They're all amazing.

- Gabe -



spiritual little sib
Met zir through Liberty church. Known for 4 years, close for the first 1.5 years, casual after that. Lives in GA, about 0.5 hours from me.

     This is my (spiritual) little sibling. (ze calls me sis ♥) Ze's one of the most honest, growth-seeking, and good-hearted people I've ever known; when I lived with zir family, ze would amaze me by being honestly sorry and trying to change when confronted about a bad habit or other problem. Ze thought of me as zir older sibling, and turned to me for advice, which made me feel so trusted. After years of very little contact, I recently (summer 2009) got up the guts to friend zir on facebook. Unfortunately ze's quite sexist and heterosexist, and I've already gotten tired of talking about it... but we'll see how things go.

- elya -




friend, sister-in-law
my ex-partner's twin, my friend -- met zir through our parents attending the same church. Known since I was 8, friends for about that long. Lives in GA, just down the road.

     Ze's kindhearted and very innocent. Ze's one of the most encouraging people I've ever met -- I don't think I've ever heard zir say a negative word about anyone, though ze has admitted to a mild dislike for certain people. If I make zir sound sweet and vanilla, that's cause ze is -- and not a tiny bit of it is fake. I don't think elya is capable of being fake. We have a strange relationship because we're so different we have almost nothing to talk about, but we're still kind of fond of each other in a confused way.

Ava




deep friend, spirit-kin
mourningdoveava: Met through LJ, via an addme community. Known since August 2007, close from October 2007 to May 2008. Lives who-knows-where.

     Ava is my spirit-kin. We had such a strong emotional connection -- ze went through an intense spiritual experience while talking to me on IM, and I felt it so strongly that I cried. Our conversations were so incredibly deep and invariably taught me something or helped me to clarify some of my truth. Unfortunately I caught zir in some lies which made me doubt everything else and I eventually gave up on learning the truth when ze disappeared from LJ. I still don't know who ze was -- I know I felt a connection and that can't be faked, but I wonder if ze was some kind of clever and well-educated sociopath (because our conversations weren't about common knowledge and ze'd have had to do a significant amount of reading) or perhaps doing some kind of sociology project involving sockpuppets.

Meliae

(meliae, melli)

deep friend
earthy_goddess: Met zir through LJ, ze went googling for curvy-positive stuff, found the curvygirls comm, and though that, me! Known since Jan 2007, close from Feb - May 2007. Lives in Denmark :-(

     We became very close very fast -- we understood each other very well. Ze's extremely compassionate, and feels things deeply. Ze has a passion for learning and helping others to learn, which is something I share -- we liked to talk about alternate ways of learning and teaching, and the importance of self-education. Ze's very open and honest, so we conversed about every aspect of our lives. In 2008 I went to visit Hannah and Meliae met us in Belgium -- we had some lovely moments but then ze got caught in the explosion of pain that ended Hannah-Nick-me's one-day triad, and I was really selfish and thought nothing of Meliae's feelings. I didn't even realize this for months after because I was so numb. I did write and apologize but I have no idea if ze even got the email. I hope that if ze did it brought some peace or closure, because my behavior was really just so damn selfish. I would like to be friends again if ze forgives me and looks me up sometime, but that's a really unlikely hope.

Rebecca

(Accaber)

best friend, sister-in-law
my ex-partner's younger sister, my friend -- met zir through our parents attending the same church. Known since I was 8. Best friends from 1998-2002. Lives in GA.

     We were very close for years, called each other every day, told each other everything... but then I moved, and we both felt deserted by the other, and we drifted apart. We've also just changed, and we have very little in common now. We've forgiven each other for all the hurt, but haven't really renewed our relationship. Ze got married last summer, and I cried my fucking guts out because it felt like the final ending to our friendship... and even though I had gotten married, deep in my heart there was still younger-me who wanted to go live in the woods with zir, far away from everyone, and commune with each other and nature forever. I feel pretty sure that at this point we are too different to reconnect, and with zir family, blood comes first so my divorce from zir sibling finalized that.

Kaylene
(Glisten)

deep friend
mayana: Met zir through a group counseling series. Very close from Oct 2003 - Feb 2004, then lost contact through moves, parting was benevolent. I still have confidence that we'll be close friends again eventually.

     We were just beginning an incredible friendship when several terrible things happened to zir at once, and ze decided having a deep friendship with me was too much for zir at the time. I respected that, but was sad that we lost something precious right after we found it. Ze's a deep, passionate person, who is intense in everything ze does, and ze doesn't commit half-way. Ze's a talented singer/songwriter and dancer, an artist in every sense of the word. We had so many things in common in our history and we understood each other -- I think ze was the first person I had met who was at all like me, it was amazing. Ze was completely open and honest with me after we decided to be close, and we bonded so deeply that within four months of first meeting zir, I asked zir to be one of my bridesmaids. Zir fearlessness and determination to be who ze wanted to be inspired me greatly, and helped set me on the path to becoming my true self.

Allison
(Del, Sparkle)

close friend
jedibubbles: Met zir in high school, 11th grade. Known since 1999, close from 99-01, then slowly drifted apart when we both moved away for college. In April 2006 ze cut contact with me, but I hope that somewhere down the line we'll be friends again.

     Allison is an extremely talented artist with a brilliant mind. When we were friends, zir energy was contagious, and I loved being around zir because ze gave me a fresh love for life. After being around zir I either wanted to dance or write -- zir creativity just flowed like a river. Ze encouraged me artistically -- in my writing (ze read my novel-in-progress and creature-ideas and gave feedback) and painting and jewelry (ze commissioned several pieces and wore them proudly and told everyone who complimented them to go to my website and buy them). I'm grateful for all the inspiration ze gave me and I value zir so much.
     I recently (Apr 2008) contacted zir again and apologized for any hurt I may have caused, and ze forgave me. I left it at that, and we somehow became friends on facebook & twitter but haven't actually communicated :-p

there are LJ friends who are quite important to me also and have had a huge impact on my life, but in the interests of not making this EVEN LONGER, I restricted myself to people I've met in person or had 5+ hour conversations with. ;-)


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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.