July 2017
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dreams (I'm attracted to burly male person / fish in tanks that are too small or too large)


again with the dream about a burly male person, although this time zir skin was medium and zir hair was dark (ze had a shaved head but I could tell from body hair). This time ze was seated and I was hanging all over zir, running my hands over zir shoulders and arms and chest, fascinated with the bumpiness of zir muscles. Ze invited me to spend the night with zir (we were in the courtyard of an extended-stay hotel/apartment complex) and I wasn't sure how to respond because I wanted to have sex right THEN but I wasn't sure if I would later, and also I was a bit intimidated by zir sheer size (massing about three of me and I'm pretty thick!) and would definitely NOT want to have penetrative sex unless I was going to be on top. After a pause where I tried to figure out a short way to say all of that, I woke up. dammit.

Also, I dreamed of fish again -- but this time they were not out of water from shattered containers (FINALLY! after so many dreams about that, it seems my psyche is moving on!), they were just in problematic tanks. One was far too small and crowded -- they could hardly turn around. A lionfish (which looked nothing like an ACTUAL lionfish -- it had the head of a lion and the body of a fish) was the largest of the fish in that tank and the one I was most upset about. In a different tank the fish were smaller and had enough room, and I liked them a lot and wanted to bring them into my room in weird vases, but thought to myself that after spending all their lives in oxygenated water with lots of space, they'd be unhappy in the vases. But I couldn't bring the whole tank in either so I just resigned myself to knowing them casually instead of bonding with them.


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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.